fighting about nothing and everything

[theoryofredice]

We seem to be getting into the same fight over and over again. And I apologize if this is ranty but we just got off the phone of the fight.

Background. dating 2 years living near each other, summers were distance with only letter writing. He moved about 4 hours away, back with his parents since Jan, now in May he's going to Ecuador for 7 months.

So the 1st problem is we have talked about Ecuador but none of the details which is making me extremely nervous and anxious. And i know i'm part of the problem of not talking about it but its stressful and neither one of us wants to talk about it after working all day because we will be up late crying about it Im sure. And we dont want to talk about it when we see each other because we dont want to ruin that. So now every time we talk its this stress thats boiling up inside of me and i dont want to talk about so I pretend to be happy and then when something little happens I snap.

So now we live only 4 hours away which isnt to bad, except the fact that he lives with his parents and always has to ask premission for me to come over because he always has "too much stuff to do" (which he wont tell me what it is...im assuming stuff with his trip). Now we waits to the last minuet of Thursday night to ask them, so i already cant make plans. And now on Thursday he tells me that friday wont work so maybe on Saturday. I call him on Friday and see if he knows anything he doesnt. So i call him at 1030am on saturday and he still hasnt talked to him and its a four hour drive and every hour that goes by is one less I get to be with him.

Then I get reallyed annoyed because its not fair to have me wait from Thursday to Saturday to know whats going on. I can't make any plans. I cant do anything Saturday morning because i want to see him so bad that once I find out i want to go as soon as possible. It makes it extremly difficult and he cant quite see whats going on. And then im upset and frustrated and tell him i'm upset and frustrated because I want to see him so bad and im sad hes going away soon and want to see him as soon as possible. And then he can't even comfort me or say anything hes absolutely silent on the phone it puts doubt in my mind that he cares. Also him always having so much stuff to do makes me feel like im so far down on his priority list that i don't even matter.

So i dont know what i'm really looking for from posting this. Mainly to get it all off my chest. And any advice people can give me for what to do or how to improve the situation will be greatly welcomed.
I love my SO very much and i hate fighting and just miss him and want our time to be happy and not so upset.

[Mara]

First, I know you don't want to, but you are going to have to talk about Ecuador. I would do so as soon as possible. When you have something like that hanging over your relationship it is only going to cause fights and stress. My SO and I went through this period where we were fighting every five seconds it seemed, but really it was all coming back to this one issue that we were both upset about, but neither wanted to talk about for fear of being upset and upsetting the other person. I know it's hard and not at all what you want to talk about, but you have to face this issue and resolve it before the two of you can move forward.

I know it's seems terrible and unimaginable, but those seven months he's in Ecuador will go by quicker than you think. It's just seems so long and terrible now. I think once the two of you work out the details about everything you both will feel much better about facing his trip to Ecuador.

Also, how you feel about his visiting you is perfectly normal and rational, have you tried telling him how you feel? I think what you wrote here would be a good start.