Open relationships?

[wyerbl]

Hey my ldr boyfriend of a year wants to have a one sided open relationship. He is one of those guys that is very sexual and with me not being there he has trouble not getting with other girls so he wants my permission. However he is possessive and doesn't want me to get with any guys. I know he loves only me he just wants pure sexual relations. I really don't want to loose him and he dosnt want to loose me its just we're both young and its hard for him to only sleep with just me for the rest of his life. Its not really okay with me but I'm still letting him. Am I being to desperate by allowing this? Is this right? What would you do in this situation? Please I need advice.

-Brittney

[NaNi]

I wouldn't be dating him anymore. Even just mentioning such a thing would make me break up with him.

But every person is different. It's your choice.

[mllebamako]

Its not really okay with me but I'm still letting him

That sentence says it all. I would not be okay with this arrangement either. First of all, it's pretty ridiculous for him even to suggest this in my opinion. A one-sided open relationship because he's jealous and possessive? Completely unfair. If 2 people decide to be in an open relationship and are comfortable with that...then fine. But this double standard? Not cool.

Don't settle for less than what makes you comfortable and happy.

we're both young and its hard for him to only sleep with just me for the rest of his life

Is that what he told you? I know plenty of people who have only been with one person and they are doing just fine.

If I were in this situation, and judging by your previous post about him kissing his ex, I would get out of this relationship because he sounds very controlling. But if you want to stay with him, I personally could not settle for a one-sided open relationship. That's going to only end up with you hurt.

[Rugger]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If He can sleep with other girls, you can sleep with other guys.

If it's not okay with you, TELL HIM. Honestly it sounds like he just wants permission to cheat and to have you when he can. That's not fair to you in any way shape or form. He's having his cake and eating it too.

I agree with Nani, Him even suggesting that would destroy me.

[Brandie]

I wouldn't be dating him either, it just seems like he is using you for an emotional attachment when he can see you, but when you're away he's going to party, go out and get girls, and have sex. If you give him permission, he's going to have sex with girls whenever he is horny, and that's not ok in my opinion. That just seems like a lack of respect for you. I know it's hard, my boyfriend and I are only 19, and it gets hard trust me, but you just have to work around it. And you definitely wouldn't want him emotionally falling for a girl he has sex with it. It may seem like it's not possible, but if he starts having sex with one girl who always there for him, and you're cool with that, it might turn his attention more towards her Sorry to be doubtful, but I think you deserve more respect than that, I would talk to him about this and tell him how you feel, especially since it's a one way open relationship. Hope this helps.

[PucasKitten]

I agree with all the posts so far. Thats just not right :c especially if you are not ok with it! I wouldn't be able to handle an open relationship. and age makes no difference its called self control...

[Deleted Account]

no if he wants that then you have just the same right to have an open relationship..

but open relationships means that you and your parnter are very,,, and i REALLY MEAN VERY.. like FUCKING VERY confident in each other's love and support and know that your hearts are only for each other. Open relationships have a HUGE emotional toll on people. and only people who are extremely confident in each other with the necessary NON JEALOUS personality.. are able to achieve this.

BUT.. u said thats not ok with u.. which means NO. No open relationship at all. And first off.. who the hell does he think he is?? asking for such a thing and requesting that you dont do it. "dont do onto others what you wouldnt like them to do to you".. that to me is the rule of life. And if he wants to have that.. he should be ok with u having one too. if not.. suck it up.

and in my honest opinion.. open relationships lead to intimate bonding with other people... except you.. so he could either completely leave u out, eventually.. and/or he's just going to feel like he has a harem of girls for his pleasure and not give you his fully attention. Also this could be potentially dangerous for you....

Consider this... he might get attracted to you.. and 3 other women.. so.. he might want to have sex with all of you at the same time.. How do u feel about that??

What next.. you participating in an orgy for his sake???

Are you completely comfortable with all that???

Also last year where i live... a huge scandal happened because this guy killed his ex-wife due to jealousy. But here's the thing.. he used to like to watch his wife sleep with other men.. and his wife developed feeling for one of those men and pretty much started cheating on her husband. Eventually they got divorced but the guy that killed her felt that if she wasnt going to be his.. then she wasnt going to be of any1...

now your situation is a little backward but honestly.. i wouldn't rule out something similar happening to you..

you really need to think clearly, reasonably and logically about this. leave your heart on the side while u make a decision.

Also another adivice im going to give you...

you said that you're young so i am assuming you're a teenager.. and altho im a just a little older.. i had a terrible relationship when i was a teen and i can tell you what i learned form it: IF YOU FEEL THAT ITS NOT OK WITH YOU.. SAY IT. AND MEAN IT. Generally your mind knows better than your heart. And you shouldnt have given him the right to do such a thing.. if you weren't comfortable with it. The most important thing in a relationship is comunication.. and if you keep quiet and dont talk.. how is he going to know??? SAY IT. Who cares if he gets mad... thats how u feel and he needs to respect you.

Dont be wishy washy..

[LadyMarchHare]

Someone introduce that man to Jergen's and free porn sites. Dear lord.

Honestly all this sounds like to me is he wants your permission to troll for booty, i.e. cheating without the secrecy. If he can't keep it in his pants then he either needs more time to himself to 'vent out his frustration' or use it as incentive to visit you more, not ask if he can go grab a random chick and go at it. That's pretty much the best way to get an STD and then pass it on to you. If YOU are not comfortable with the situation, tell him so. If he whines, tell him tough titties he needs to teach his blood to quit flowing south for the winter.

As mentioned, an open relationship is, duh, open meaning BOTH SIDES are allowed more freedoms and it takes a buttload of trust to be able to maintain such a relationship. Your guy's the jealous type, so obviously it would not work. You're uncomfortable with the idea of him being with other women, it's not gonna work. This isn't an open relationship, this is his grand excuse to be an idiot and let his pants get more say than his brain when it comes to a relationship. It's called self control and if he has none of it he doesn't need to be in a serious relationship with anyone. Don't let him do what he wants if it makes you unhappy just because you actually give two brain lobes about him, you'll end up a doormat and even unhappier.

[Silencedsongs]

Anything I say, will only repeat what everyone else's sentiment about this.

If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. You deserve his commitment in a relationship, and if he's off doing shenanigans with other girls - it's not a relationship, it will suck you emotionally dry.

[adielovesshelbs]

i agree with everyone else. i would personally end it with him, it doesnt seem like he is really into the relationship. if he respected you then he would never, ever ask you this. do you want to be with someone who doesnt respect you?

[BoogleBee]

I agree with everyone else. I think it is not right at all. I understand if he wanted to talk about this issue with you, and discuss the possibility of an open relationship with you. However to not allow you the same options as he would be given is completely unfair and inappropriate. Like others have said an open relationship is exactly that. Open for both parties. I really think you should talk about this with him again as you are not actually okay with it.

[Moon]

Everyone has given you good advice, all I can add is to make very sure you always, always use a condom with this guy. Remember that when sleeping with him, you're sleeping with all those other girls too. Respect yourself and be safe, if you somehow decide to allow this and stay with him.

[nicole]

Everyone has given you good advice, all I can add is to make very sure you always, always use a condom with this guy. Remember that when sleeping with him, you're sleeping with all those other girls too. Respect yourself and be safe, if you somehow decide to allow this and stay with him.

^^ this.

I can't give you any more advice, the others said it all. That sort of double standard is complete BS. You DO need to respect yourself, letting him do things like that in order to keep him... I am afraid it will end in tears if you do

[Caitlin2009]

I wouldn't be dating him anymore. Even just mentioning such a thing would make me break up with him.

But every person is different. It's your choice.

ditto to that :/ the guy is not worth your time, if a couple wants to have an open relationship both people have to be on same page with it, you dont even like it to begin with so why put yourself through something like that, when he obviously doesnt give a damn about you or your feelings

[MystChic]

Everyone has given you good advice, all I can add is to make very sure you always, always use a condom with this guy. Remember that when sleeping with him, you're sleeping with all those other girls too. Respect yourself and be safe, if you somehow decide to allow this and stay with him.

^^^ I third this.

Do you think if you told him no, that it would stop him from doing it? Can you trust someone after they've said this? If one night you tried to call him and couldn't get through would you automatically think that he's sleeping with someone else.

I realised I knew what love was, when I hadn't seen my SO in 10 months, and I didn't want to be with anyone else. Physical gratitifaction wasn't high on my list when it couldn't be with him.