Is it possible to overstay your welcome with your spouse?

[Katchi]

Well, it was good while it lasted! I just got home from a 10 day spring break with the hubby at his house in VA. So nice to get to be together. It was amazing most of the time, but about day 9, I noticed that it was getting almost awkward...I couldn't put my finger on it but we both got kind of grouchy. When I finally thought about it, I realized that I'd over-stayed my welcome. It was bizarre! I mean, we're married, how is it possible to be married and overstay your welcome?!? I told DH how I was feeling and wondered if he felt the same way and he insisted that I was being oversensitive. (Which might be true, I am PG after all!)
It was fun to see him and wonderful to welcome him home from work each day, have him around when I got a craving late at night or my morning sickness kicked up, just to have a partner to be "in it" with me, you know? But it's good to be home again, too. I've missed my son terribly and cannot wait for him to come home tomorrow.
Anyway, got me wondering, has anyone else had this type of experience where you felt like you'd overstayed with your LD partner, or had your LD partner overstay at your place? Is this normal?!?

[nicole]

hmmm personally no, however, this could have been because a) when I was over there, he still went to work during the day, and played soccer and rugby sometimes on a night, so we weren't in each others pockets all the time. and b) when he was here, we did a lot of traveling around so we didn't really get annoyed with each other.

Did he have the whole of your visit off? Did either of you get any "just me" time at all? I know when I don't get any time just by myself, I get cranky. Let's face it, usually, couples don't spend every minute of every day together, but on a visit when you're LD, we feel we need to spend as much time as possible with our SOs.

[Sav88]

Just had to say something totally unrelated here but just read you have a daughter named Savannah :P Good choice! My name's Savannah too. I don't usually hear my name a lot but I know it's getting popular.

[Lunar Snow]

There have been a few instances where one or the other of us have been a little snarky with each other and I think the root of it was too much concentrated time together.

My upcoming visit will be 11 days, including travel days, and I was a bit worried about the length...but he was really insistent. Over all, we both want to spend as much time together as possible. Yet, I am also aware that we need our alone-time and with him taking time off of work while I am there, I am concerned that we will get in each other's hair a bit or feel awkward. It's pretty unnatural to go from being away from each other to being together 24/7, actually. I try to get some alone-time and give him some alone-time by taking really long showers and maybe I will try and come up with some other ideas, but sometimes he doesn't get the hint even if I am sensing that he is the grumpy one (e.g. I suggested that he walk to his local grocery store 5 minutes away to get some of the doughnuts he was craving or went on the balcony to read while he was having a nap, only to find that he wanted to do these things together, too). Ha! I guess that last little bit sounded mean, but when we did have little bits of alone-time, I noticed that our time together was enriched. Doing activities together outside of the house is a great idea, as I have found that (although I am a lounge lizard at heart) spending most of the day lounging around the house together part way into the trip can be a recipe for a cranky couple.

My SO and I aren't married and have never lived together, so I am not quite sure that I can speak for married couples. I think the same thing goes for married couples as above, but maybe it might help people in those situations to also pull the comfort level card and gently indicate the need for or arrange for some alone-time in advance?

[Dziubka]

Honestly, no.
We've had serveral long visits (1 week+) and it just always feels very normal and natural to be together that much. It can get a bit stressful sometimes, especially because he's living with his parents so when I'm staying with him it's four people in a 2 bedroom-1bathroom place and I'm sometimes scared I'm intruding too much.
But they always tell me and also my boyfriend that they're glad to have me stay over and that they love having me around.
My boyfriend and I still get a lot of alone time, because he has classes and homework and I take assignments that I have to do, go shopping on my own or even cook (so I'll be in the kitchen while he's in his room doing assignments) so it's not like we're glued together all of the time.

[13000km]

Did he have the whole of your visit off? Did either of you get any "just me" time at all? I know when I don't get any time just by myself, I get cranky. Let's face it, usually, couples don't spend every minute of every day together, but on a visit when you're LD, we feel we need to spend as much time as possible with our SOs.

Yeah I thought I was going to want to spend every second with him when I was there. I was there for 3 weeks, but he still had to work 2-3 days a week, which gave us some time apart, more like a regular couple. During that time I'd be on my own, or spending time with his mum or sister. We also spent a couple of days in Seattle with his dad, which was more a little trip for the both of us to take together.

[vpavelock]

When you spend too much time consecutively with one person (no matter who this is) it could be inevitable. As much as you love each other, when you're spending SO much time together, you run out of things to say, do, etc. I've already told my SO when we're married I'll need enough space to not start hating him lol.

[Rugger]

In the two extended visits we've had since we started our LDR, I can say that we have not gotten on each other's nerves. The first was 10 days with his family in the Thousand Islands, We were literally together 24/7. We went swimming and kayaking and shopping and sunbathing.

The second was a little different. He moved into my place with my parents for a month. I worked during the day, but we spent all out time when I was home together. There were times things were a little bit tense, but then we would retreat to seperate rooms, have a bit of time to ourselves and then be fine together


You def. need your alone time, even when you are with your SO. Everyone just needs that to relax and re-focus themselves.

[Mizpah]

I don't think it was so much a matter of you overstaying your welcome as not allowing enough alone time. I have never experienced this, but we have had our grouchy and tense times when we had too much stress or not enough alone time.

[8983MilesofLove]

I'm afraid not...we've had visits as short as 3 and a half weeks and as long as 3 months...we've never felt that we've 'overstayed' our welcome. Sorry!
Every so often I need some 'me' time, but he doesn't seem to need this. *shrug*, every so often I just need 10mins to myself to go through emails, reply properly, just have some time I guess where I don't have to worry about him.

Maybe your SO was just grouchy coz he feels helpless that he cant be there for you throughout the pregnancy? It must be hard for him not going through it all with you...maybe he feels like hes isnt really included?

[GatoGirl]

Well, it was good while it lasted!
Anyway, got me wondering, has anyone else had this type of experience where you felt like you'd overstayed with your LD partner, or had your LD partner overstay at your place? Is this normal?!?

OMG yes, Katchi!!! Once we even decided to separate a few hours early because we were both so cranky! Don't get me wrong, we've been together a long time and are going strong, but sometimes before it's time to separate, we both get antsy! We try to get too much crammed into our time together, I start making mental lists of all the things that I didn't get done/said during our time together, the person traveling is fussing about getting packed and on the road, and both start dreading the way we know we will feel when we are finally apart again. Often that day we are separating is really rough. Now we know it's coming and can laugh about it, but our last visit was really really rough because of just what you described. I'm soooooo glad I'm not the only one!

Oh, and yes, it is sometimes really nice to get back to your own place!!

[OliveOyl]

i sure hope it is not possible! im off to see my baby for 2 weeks! :-\

[BoogleBee]

If we lived closer maybe that would happen? I don't know. But since we see each other once a year, for about 6-7 weeks at a time we both try to get as much time with each other as possible before being separated as it is such a huge distance.

[Karringtyn]

Absolutely understand this! When you are LDR you have your ME time. You can come and go as you please. Doesn't mean that the relationship is having problems...but rather as many have said...ME time has to be figured in.

I can't stand to be around ANYONE non stop...(and I am sure others would say it about me...LOL!)

[LadyMarchHare]

I can't stand to be around ANYONE non stop...(and I am sure others would say it about me...LOL!)

I agree with this. When I used to bring my friend who lived an hour away up for weekends, we'd spend every waking hour together and usually by the end of day two I was ready to murder her. We'd go from chatting now and again to being in each other's faces 24/7 and no matter how much you love someone they'll find a way to get a bug up your butt.