I want to meet, but is it out of the question?
Well, Alex and I have been dating online for 1 year and 4 (almost 5) months now. It's been a long time and we've been through a lot together, and I'm certain that I love him and I know he loves me. I've decided that I'm ready to meet him, I've been ready for a long time now, but I just don't know if it's possible. He lives in NY, USA and I live just outside London, England (lol isn't that so typical? NY-LND?) so there is a biiigggg and expensive distance between us, and a huge culture difference too. I know that USA and England aren't too different, at least theres no language barrier or anything, but there is still a huge difference between our famililes, way of lives etc.
For example, his parents had children when they were 18, my parents waited until they were 35. Hardly anyone around where he lives goes to college, you are seen as an idiot/loser if you don't go to college here. Family is everything to to them and their extended family is HUGE, whereas mine is only 15 people. His family eats loads of meat, mine is practically vegetarian, the list goes on. So I can understand why the idea of visiting me here is so daunting to him. For me, the idea of visiting him isn't daunting on the cultural side at all, all those changes are more like an adventure to me than a challenge!
Although I'm super-keen to go and visit him, thats just not gonna happen. There is NO way, absolutely NO way, whatsoever, that my parents would allow it. So, he would have to come here. That means he needs to get a passport (I already have one, england= pretty small country and travelling around the world is nothing unusual for the people around where i live) which I doubt he knows how to get, he would also have to get the money together for a flight. That is where the trouble is, money. Neither of us have very much money. I would love NOTHING more than to give him some of my savings to pay for the ticket, but I already know he would never allow it. I've even asked my parents to move some of my allowance into my bank account, so that by the end of the year I will have an extra £120 that I wont touch and because I don't really trust my parents not to touch my savings (they already took £1000 out to pay off THEIR debt) I'm also stashing some of my savings and telling them I spent it. So hopefully I'll be able to give him something towards the tickets, or if i feel i want to leave on a total whim, I'll have the money for it. I doubt i'll ever have a reason to flee the country though =P
And then, there's the biggest problem, my parents. Yep, you guessed it, one and almost-a-half years into our relationship, and my parents both don't know. They know I talk to him, and that we're really good friends, and I even bring him up in conversation sometimes, but they are pretty much clueless as to the relationship between him and I. My mother has already made her dislike for online dating VERY clear and told me multiple times that she doesn't support it at ALL, and my father is very overprotective..and also really quite racist. And yes, I am white and Alex is black. My sister has also made the fact that she thinks "interracial couples are creepy" very well known. BUT, I have figured out a way to get around this avversion to internet dating!!
Basically, what I'm going to do is claim that alex is just a very close friend, and he is coming to england, so can he stay with us for a while blah blah blah and then, when he gets here, claim it was "love at first sight" and all that.
But then, the issue goes back to actucally getting him here. At the moment, its looking like its going to be this time or later NEXT year before we get anywhere near meeting in person. He's going to get a job next year, as he will only have 3 classes in high school, and he's going to save up to come stay over here. I have also already had my parents agree to allowing me to go to america and work their for my gap year, only three years away!! (I am 14 and alex is 17) But I miss him SO much and I want the distance between us over. I just don't know how to make it happen. It doens't help that our relationship is on the rocks right now and frankly I am REALLY pissed off at him.
Can anyone offer any advice? or comments? even just another point of view on the situation might help. Or perhaps how you managed to overcome the difficulties of meeting for the first time.
For example, his parents had children when they were 18, my parents waited until they were 35. Hardly anyone around where he lives goes to college, you are seen as an idiot/loser if you don't go to college here. Family is everything to to them and their extended family is HUGE, whereas mine is only 15 people. His family eats loads of meat, mine is practically vegetarian, the list goes on. So I can understand why the idea of visiting me here is so daunting to him. For me, the idea of visiting him isn't daunting on the cultural side at all, all those changes are more like an adventure to me than a challenge!
Although I'm super-keen to go and visit him, thats just not gonna happen. There is NO way, absolutely NO way, whatsoever, that my parents would allow it. So, he would have to come here. That means he needs to get a passport (I already have one, england= pretty small country and travelling around the world is nothing unusual for the people around where i live) which I doubt he knows how to get, he would also have to get the money together for a flight. That is where the trouble is, money. Neither of us have very much money. I would love NOTHING more than to give him some of my savings to pay for the ticket, but I already know he would never allow it. I've even asked my parents to move some of my allowance into my bank account, so that by the end of the year I will have an extra £120 that I wont touch and because I don't really trust my parents not to touch my savings (they already took £1000 out to pay off THEIR debt) I'm also stashing some of my savings and telling them I spent it. So hopefully I'll be able to give him something towards the tickets, or if i feel i want to leave on a total whim, I'll have the money for it. I doubt i'll ever have a reason to flee the country though =P
And then, there's the biggest problem, my parents. Yep, you guessed it, one and almost-a-half years into our relationship, and my parents both don't know. They know I talk to him, and that we're really good friends, and I even bring him up in conversation sometimes, but they are pretty much clueless as to the relationship between him and I. My mother has already made her dislike for online dating VERY clear and told me multiple times that she doesn't support it at ALL, and my father is very overprotective..and also really quite racist. And yes, I am white and Alex is black. My sister has also made the fact that she thinks "interracial couples are creepy" very well known. BUT, I have figured out a way to get around this avversion to internet dating!!
Basically, what I'm going to do is claim that alex is just a very close friend, and he is coming to england, so can he stay with us for a while blah blah blah and then, when he gets here, claim it was "love at first sight" and all that.
But then, the issue goes back to actucally getting him here. At the moment, its looking like its going to be this time or later NEXT year before we get anywhere near meeting in person. He's going to get a job next year, as he will only have 3 classes in high school, and he's going to save up to come stay over here. I have also already had my parents agree to allowing me to go to america and work their for my gap year, only three years away!! (I am 14 and alex is 17) But I miss him SO much and I want the distance between us over. I just don't know how to make it happen. It doens't help that our relationship is on the rocks right now and frankly I am REALLY pissed off at him.
Can anyone offer any advice? or comments? even just another point of view on the situation might help. Or perhaps how you managed to overcome the difficulties of meeting for the first time.
*Hugs*
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