update from a visit

[Miramaid]

I am at the airport flying back to school from visiting my SO for a week.
I wrote about the accident with condoms and whomever read my previous posts know that our relationship is not all rainbows and butterflies.
Well, I keep my eyes open. I love him to death. I think he loves me too, but it is very hard. I sometimes can not stand the distance and can not stand not knowing if he is faithful or not. I have never cheated and I know me, I would never do that. You all say that without trust there is no relationship, but is is HARD to just be blindly trusting when I know I have been cheated on not once, I know he cheated in his previous relationship, I am far away, there is always something going on either with his Facebook, or phone, or condoms...or something.
Today again, before I left he was shaving and his phone blinked and there was a message from someone on Facebook. A girl...who was flirting with him like crazy saying something like "mmmmm you have been looking so hot lately. I am sorry I know me flirting with you so much lately is making you uncomfortable, but..." and I could not read the rest. She is not his FB friend, but I got very irritated and it was right before we went to the airport. HE noticed I changed, and also....I saw his FB privacy settings (he showed me coz no one can see his wall apparently) and under "who can see wall posts by friends" he has "only me" so if anyone writes anything, I would not be able to see, and if I write anything on his wall no one will be able to see. He said it is because he wants to have his life private and he doesnt want everyone to see what is on his wall.
Well that includes me.

I do not know. We are not super young, but I must admit Facebook IS IMPORTANT TO ME. It is not JUST Facebook. In 2010 20% of all divorces in the USA were because of FB and that is statistics! I feel very uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable being far away all the time and not know when if ever we will close the distance. I feel uncomfortable about Facebook, about women who flirt with him, about all the people tho get to spend every day with him, about uncertainty, about condoms, about everything...about him reading "7 signs that your honey is cheating on you" (I saw him reading that yesterday and asked why he was reading that. He said "coz I want to know the signs")
I love him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He says he wants the same. He doesn't want to do anything tho because in our situation at some point we would have to be apart anyways for a while...I do not know...Every visit is bitter sweet. Every visit we have some kind of an argument, big or small, every visit then turns out to be very sweet, but then again: distance and emotional disconnect. We have been together almost a year. I hope we can make it longer. I know I am not cheating and I never would, I do not know about him.
I know he loves me too, but still I do not want to be with someone who is not strong enough to stay loyal and dedicated to me, who will not make changes in his life for me. I need a man who will fight for me and not with me.

Sorry for the rant

[Mara]

I might have missed this part, but have you ever told him how you felt about some of his behaviors and asked him if he'd be willing to make a compromise or some concession in line with your feelings?

sorry you are going through all of this though.

[Miramaid]

@ Mara, yes I tried. Every time we talk it turns out to be an argument and he turns things around about what I do that he doesn't like and we and up in nothing constructive that can be resolved.

[Jonesonaboat]

Does he have a valid point when he talks about the things he doesn't like that you do? Or is he just trying to throw anything that he can back at you?

[paulawriteslove]

I don't like when I'm trying to point out something and someone will turn everything around, to me that shows immaturity. You should try telling him how you feel again and tell him how important this is to you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

[Miramaid]

Does he have a valid point when he talks about the things he doesn't like that you do? Or is he just trying to throw anything that he can back at you?

I do not think he does. Whatever he points out are things that are minor or are not true. The only big issue was when he found out that I had an aboriton 7 years ago, way before I met him, that I did not tell him about.
Other things are "why every time I walk in the room you change the screen on your computer?" (and i DO NOT!), or "why didn't I see the pictures you took during the parade the day you took them?" and things like that. I do not cheat on him and I do not stay in touch with exes so...he does get jealous and stuff but I do not hid things from him and I make sure that he knows what I am doing, where I am, I even told him that I would give him my passwords to my Facebook and email if he wanted. I have nothing to hide. He does.
I feel like he just throws things back at me to be defensive

[Satchmo]

Miramaid,
I don't pity your situation and I truly do feel for the agnoy this must be causing you. Every relationship goes through that minor period of doubt, but it's exactly that - minor. You should know fairly quickly if you trust this guy and if he truly loves you he would do anything in his power to make you comfortable.

I always value truth in advice, so I hope you can too. I would never be okay with my boyfriend "hiding" any aspect of our relationship, even stuff as simple as facebook posts. I've never been one to snoop, but I've also never had any reason to. If something is bugging you, especially this much, he should be willing to change or at very least comprimise. Being combative with you only seems like a defence mechanism, which kind of sounds to me like he might feel like he has stuff to hide.

I don't know your background, or how long you have been together, but if you truly love this person and you really do think he loves you this shouldn't be an issue.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this