Extremely upset

[vpavelock]

It looks like we won't be closing the distance until 2014 and I'm currently hysterical.
My mom has decided to be completely closed minded and not understand that I really want to transfer to his school because 1) I am not happy where I am and 2) I know I will be there. I REALLY thought my mother would be more open minded, and she really started to lead me on that it could happen, and now no, there's no way. Then she said "you can, but you have to pay for it." I can't believe how long she's gone.

I guess there really isn't advice to be given, I'm really just venting. I am so upset, and I really can't even handle it. 4 years of long distance sounds practically impossible, and although I know it's possible I don't want my "great college years" to be spent missing my boyfriend to no end.

[Michelle]

Frank and I spent a small bit of sophomore year, junior, and senior years long distance. Each of us thought of transferring but we didn't. We stuck through it. And really it wasn't all that bad. Believe it or not, you'll get used to the distance. You'll still have a great time in college. Neither Frank or I ever spent huge amounts of time depressed about the distance. We missed each other but we were never so sad about it to the point that it ruined our college experiences. It will be hard in the beginning for sure as you are adjusting to college life but once that all gets settled and you're in a routine, you'll be just fine.

[vpavelock]

Aw thanks for the response. This is the second semester of this, and it really hasn't gotten much better because we both just need the physical comfort of each other when things are rough. My bf is so willing to deal with the 4 years apart, but I can't stop doubting that I can really deal with the constant sadness.

[LadyMarchHare]

The thing I've learned about parents' negativity towards most things is they change their mind given time and constant talks. Even if it ends up being them grudgingly agreeing, fact of the matter is they agree. Though I do think having a better reason than "I miss my boyfriend" would help the argument along too, such as if you're not satisfied with how the professors teach or the curriculum, campus, whatever. You can't really just focus solely on someone else your entire life and think that your entire happiness revolves around their being right next to you 24/7. You gotta think about what's best for your education and your wants as an individual, too.

[vpavelock]

I have a lot of other reasons for wanting to make the transfer. https://members.lovingfromadistance....e-the-distance < If you're interested . But really lately, with each passing day I realize more and more that it's what I want. What's awful is that I did (or thought I did) have a good relationship with my mother, so I'm just really upset that she won't budge on this.

[LadyMarchHare]

What exactly was your main argument when you brought this idea to her? By that I mean what was your first reason given for a transfer and what reason did you continuously bring up? Like I said if your main defense was going to be with your guy, I can sorta see why she didn't go for it. Close or not, if your mom thinks it's not for the betterment of your education and is not worth the cost out of her pocket, she won't pay up or help. College is expensive as it is and though I am pretty ignorant on the whole transferring business I imagine there's fees involved not to mention the physical moving and what have you. It adds up.

Like Michelle said it's not the end of the world if you're apart at college even though everyone gets those "oh god why am I not THERE" moments, but I understand that you've made a decision on where you think you need to be at this point in your life and who you want to be with. Unfortunately if you're relying on a parent to help get you there, you gotta abide by their rules. The best you can really do is try and keep calm about it and persuade her that this is what is best for you, that you're old enough to not take candy from strangers and all that. If she holds up, well, you gotta roll with what you've got and just grit your teeth while smiling.

[vpavelock]

Will at the end of the day, as much as there are other reasons to make the transfer a good idea, why there and not somewhere else? Him. But the whole thing is, I am going to transfer somewhere else regardless, and if not there, I don't even know where. It's just rough, because I thought she was opening up to the idea.

[LadyMarchHare]

Did she say exactly why her decision was a 'no'? Could just be she needs time to think on the subject, but that's merely speculation as I don't know your mom or how her mind works. I'm just merely making an observation since I know a lot of parents wouldn't really be gung-ho about their kids doing something like transferring colleges for someone they may not be with 5 years down the road and the decision might leave them to regret it in the end. Protective instinct more than anything. Maybe give her a few days and if the subject isn't brought back up by her, perhaps approach it calmly and cautiously and try not to let anything ruffle your feathers.

[vpavelock]

Yea. This subject has come up quite a bit since I started school basically, and she reaction to is seems to never be the same, so I never know what to take from it. I'm really trying to talk it out with her this week because I'm home for spring break, and I really NEED to apply asap.

[becca53088]

It definitely is tough. Though my SO and I weren't officially dating until the end of college, we had been interested in each other for the entire 4 years (we met senior year of high school) and were really close friends before we dated and dealing with the distance was still hard then. Add those 4 years to the 5 more we will be apart and it starts to seem unbearable. I am in grad school and won't be done for 5 years and my SO has a job elsewhere so we have a long way to go! It can be hard, but I know you can do it! Most importantly, try to have a great college experience no matter what. College was really the best 4 years of my life and I still miss it dearly. I was extremely involved with clubs and organizations and it made college a blast, it was so much fun. Try to get involved and you will find yourself spending less time sad and more time having fun. Also, the time will go by much faster and you will meet lots of new people, many of whom will have LDRs as well as you can get support from them also, you always have everyone on here to support you along the way. Spend time having a great time in college and keep in mind that long term distance with your SO will only make you guys stronger as a couple

[Pisces]

I'm in a very similar situation... my mother would never trust my SO, and with me being in college, and him on the other side of the country, I'd have to use my own money (which I don't have much of) if I wanted us to be together. We may end up being long distance until 2012, and the thought hurts. If you can have the occasional visits, I guess its not as bad as not seeing him at all (which will be my situation, if we remain LD until I'm done with college). Its hard, it hurts, but the only thing I can really say is just hold on.

[AllieBaba]

To be honest, I don't think I would transfer to my boyfriend's college if I had the chance. I love him so much but I wouldn't give up everything I have here for him, just yet. We're still very young and we have a very long way to go. I know it's hard, but you never know what can happen and I would hate myself for giving up my life here for a guy. I take this time as a challenge, if we make it through then I know that it is definitely worth it. We've been together for more than 3 years, the whole time it's been long distance and we still have a couple more years to go but I try to take it day by day and not think about it too much. Yes, I miss him more than anything but there's nothing I can do about it so why get all depressed?

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I'm also in college, as is my boyfriend. We grew up together and live in the same town when he's not at school. We're both freshmen in college, and he's doing a 5 year undergraduate program, possibly 1 or 2 years more with a combined masters program. Neither of us plan on transferring at this point in time, and we know that distance is inevitable, but we're willing to work through the distance. We don't let it stop us from getting involved in school activities and interfere with our everyday lives, because it's a waste of time if we spend each moment apart miserable. Of course we miss each other so much, but that's love!

[vpavelock]

Thanks for the responses. I would not be "giving up on my life" at my school, because after a lot of consideration I realized it's not where I belong. It HAS gotten a lot better and all, but there are certain things about my school and the level of respect I receive that bother me, that I will never be able to look past. We both are very busy with clubs and heavy course loads, friends, music groups, and all of that, which is good to keep our minds off things, but it does make me feel like we're growing apart, and in a few years are lives will be so different. I know we could do LD for all that time just like anyone else, but transferring really was a plausible solution to my problems. :/

[vpavelock]

Very similar scenario. We're already thinking how we have to get on the same wavelength at least for grad school!