In need of some advice

[Michivf04]

Lately we have been having too many little arguments here and there and we don't seem to get over them and we are lacking communication. I just dont know how to solve this issue. I just feel like it gets worst as we get into more arguments. One of the mayor things that is afecting us is not being able to see each other. On my part since I'm 19 and living with mymom she strongly believes that I shouldn't visit him because we are not married. Therefore if she doesn't go with me to visit him she will not let me my bf is on Florida and I'm in puerto Rico . I feel so limited and controled. I just feel so overwhelmed about everything that's getting so complicated I don't want the relationship to change for the worst . Helpp!

[LadyMarchHare]

Is there no way he can come visit you instead since your mother won't allow you to visit him?

If you and your guy are arguing a lot, maybe you should try talking about why you're fighting over these things and why you can't seem to let them go. Long distance relationships require more communication than other relationships because, essentially, it's all you have to go by. If you're talking every day, maybe try breaking it down to every other day or every two days and see if the small breaks help let you clear your head. I have to be honest though, I'm not following your mother's logic about you visiting him. Why would it make any difference if you were married or not? Is she scared you'll sleep with him if she's not there? I have news for her: kids will have sex regardless of whether a parent is around or not, and seeing as you're technically an adult the worst she ought to be worried about is whether or not you used a condom.

Anyway, a technique I picked up some time back was if you find yourself feeling an argument starting or you feel angry, you tell the person "time out, we're about to fight and I don't want to so why don't we take a five minute break?" You're not walking away angry, you're walking away before the anger. Naturally I would suggest addressing the issue once you've calmed down because then you can know what to do to avoid a similar argument in the future, but keeping on when your blood starts to boil and you begin bickering is not going to help. Talk it out, take breaks if you need to, and work together to solve your problems.

[Michivf04]

Well I don't find logic in what my mom wants to do either because I met him on a student exchange where for months I lived without her but I dont think she will find a way to go half way. As for him visiting he is my age too and with only 19 yrs old he lives on his own pays apartment , car, bills, works enough hrs to pay all and is a full time student at the same time and with such an immense economic responsibilities he can't afford coming down here. I really miss him and wish to be back with him.

[Silviar]

If your mom followed her logic, then you shouldn't see any men unless you're married. Is she going to arrange a marriage and let you see your husband on your wedding day? *snorts* What your mom is really afraid of is you having premarital sex, and she'd do both of you a great service if she out and said it. I would sit and have a talk with her about being a responsible adult, and how you'll take care of yourself. Maybe he could come and see you at home, first, to help ease her fears, or he could Skype chat with her. Parents usually fear the unknown.

And you can offer to help pay for it, if he really can't.

Sometimes having parental ease is worth it and much better in the long run.