Emotional Stages of LDR
More and more, I find comfort in researching about LDR's online and have found awesome articles and information that help me feel more secure about my LDR and how I mentally cope. I found an article summarizing "Emotional stages of LDR" and found it to be very interesting and helpful. Here it is below:
Emotional stages of separation in a LDR
Protest
Depression
Detachment
(Anxiety and Guilt)
PROTEST
The protest phase begins when you first start to focus on the impending separation.
The intensity of the emotions that follow can range from mild sorrow to absolute
panic. Obviously, those who find themselves closer to the panic side might
find LDRs less than ideal. Most of us have learned to accept the need for the separation
and actual protests are few and far between. (I’m personally guilty of trying
to convince my partner to extend her stay “just another day.”)
Survival Tip
Research has shown us that whenever we are separated from someone
we care about, we experience a very normal range of emotions. Anger, guilt,
depression, anxiety, and many others stem directly from the separation. Realize
that sometimes when you’re feeling these emotions they may be caused
simply by the separation rather than by something more complex.
Depression
The second stage of separation has traditionally been called depression.
This describes a situation in which someone is significantly depressed, to the point that they have
difficulty going to work and doing the day-to-day things that we all need to do to
survive in today’s society. They may be so depressed that they have thoughts of
hurting or killing themselves. This degree of depression calls for professional help,
either in the form of medication, psychotherapy, or both.
Survival Tip
Feeling blue while you’re apart is a common complaint in LDRs and,
unfortunately, it often doesn’t get any better with time. Create a plan to help
deal with your loneliness and depression early on in your separation.
Detachment
The last stage of separation, detachment, sounds unpleasant but represents a
worthwhile coping mechanism.60
Returning to the puppy studies, remember that protest helps prevent separation
when possible. Depression helps prevent the wasting of energy on futile
protests, while detachment helps prevent the lack of productivity associated with
depression. Some degree of emotional detachment allows the puppies, and us, to
continue with our lives while we have to be apart from the ones we care about.
Anxiety
Many people I spoke with described feeling nervous or anxious during their separation.
For some people, the anxiety begins just prior to separation and probably
results from the same reflex that leads to the protest stage. Anxiety represents your
body’s way of saying, “Do something!” Whether that something is running from
a hungry bear or trying to prevent your loved one from leaving, the type of reaction
is similar. It is usually the magnitude of the anxiety that differs.
Survival tip
Anxiety often is a reflex emotion resulting from any separation from a
loved one. When you find yourself anxious it may be due simply to this reflex
or it may be due to specific thoughts about your relationship. If you can
identify any thoughts that are making you fearful, challenge their validity.
For example, if you’re afraid of the relationship ending remember that LDRs
don’t breakup any more frequently than geographically close relationships.
If you can’t find any specific thoughts that are making you anxious, consider
some general relaxation techniques such as meditation, breathing exercises,
massage, yoga, or exercise.
Guilt
Unfortunately, guilt does play a role in LDRs, and it comes up in many different
ways.
First, our society has decided that intimate relationships should be geographically
close. Because of this, when we choose to try an LDR there can be a definite
feeling of guilt associated with the separation. Guilt stems from the concern that
we are violating social norms. Second, if your LDR resulted from one of you
having to move away for career reasons, that person may feel guilty and feel as
though they had been overly selfish. Guilt can also creep up when you begin to
judge yourself over the emotions that are naturally a part of separation.
Survival tip
Many people in LDRs experience guilt over the normal and natural
emotions that come with separation. Allow yourself to feel anger when you
don’t want to part and to cry when you’re sad. These are normal and healthy
feelings.
Emotional stages of separation in a LDR
Protest
Depression
Detachment
(Anxiety and Guilt)
PROTEST
The protest phase begins when you first start to focus on the impending separation.
The intensity of the emotions that follow can range from mild sorrow to absolute
panic. Obviously, those who find themselves closer to the panic side might
find LDRs less than ideal. Most of us have learned to accept the need for the separation
and actual protests are few and far between. (I’m personally guilty of trying
to convince my partner to extend her stay “just another day.”)
Survival Tip
Research has shown us that whenever we are separated from someone
we care about, we experience a very normal range of emotions. Anger, guilt,
depression, anxiety, and many others stem directly from the separation. Realize
that sometimes when you’re feeling these emotions they may be caused
simply by the separation rather than by something more complex.
Depression
The second stage of separation has traditionally been called depression.
This describes a situation in which someone is significantly depressed, to the point that they have
difficulty going to work and doing the day-to-day things that we all need to do to
survive in today’s society. They may be so depressed that they have thoughts of
hurting or killing themselves. This degree of depression calls for professional help,
either in the form of medication, psychotherapy, or both.
Survival Tip
Feeling blue while you’re apart is a common complaint in LDRs and,
unfortunately, it often doesn’t get any better with time. Create a plan to help
deal with your loneliness and depression early on in your separation.
Detachment
The last stage of separation, detachment, sounds unpleasant but represents a
worthwhile coping mechanism.60
Returning to the puppy studies, remember that protest helps prevent separation
when possible. Depression helps prevent the wasting of energy on futile
protests, while detachment helps prevent the lack of productivity associated with
depression. Some degree of emotional detachment allows the puppies, and us, to
continue with our lives while we have to be apart from the ones we care about.
Anxiety
Many people I spoke with described feeling nervous or anxious during their separation.
For some people, the anxiety begins just prior to separation and probably
results from the same reflex that leads to the protest stage. Anxiety represents your
body’s way of saying, “Do something!” Whether that something is running from
a hungry bear or trying to prevent your loved one from leaving, the type of reaction
is similar. It is usually the magnitude of the anxiety that differs.
Survival tip
Anxiety often is a reflex emotion resulting from any separation from a
loved one. When you find yourself anxious it may be due simply to this reflex
or it may be due to specific thoughts about your relationship. If you can
identify any thoughts that are making you fearful, challenge their validity.
For example, if you’re afraid of the relationship ending remember that LDRs
don’t breakup any more frequently than geographically close relationships.
If you can’t find any specific thoughts that are making you anxious, consider
some general relaxation techniques such as meditation, breathing exercises,
massage, yoga, or exercise.
Guilt
Unfortunately, guilt does play a role in LDRs, and it comes up in many different
ways.
First, our society has decided that intimate relationships should be geographically
close. Because of this, when we choose to try an LDR there can be a definite
feeling of guilt associated with the separation. Guilt stems from the concern that
we are violating social norms. Second, if your LDR resulted from one of you
having to move away for career reasons, that person may feel guilty and feel as
though they had been overly selfish. Guilt can also creep up when you begin to
judge yourself over the emotions that are naturally a part of separation.
Survival tip
Many people in LDRs experience guilt over the normal and natural
emotions that come with separation. Allow yourself to feel anger when you
don’t want to part and to cry when you’re sad. These are normal and healthy
feelings.
thanks for posting this 
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