This sucks.

[Mfashnik]

I have been feeling very. . . ignored lately. My SO's "weekend" is Wednesday and Thursday. On those days I more or less don't here from him at all. A lot of this is because he works nights and so on the days he's off he sleeps all day. It took a long time for me to get used to that, but now I understand and I'm in class during the day anyway so we just talk in the evenings. However, the last few days he hasn't made any real effort to talk to me. I have texted him multiple times and he either answers once or twice and then stops or doesn't answer at all.

I know that he is busy and that he needs his sleep, but I'm getting really frustrated that he doesn't feel the need to talk to me when he can. I ALWAYS want to talk to him. I stay up late so that we can have a real conversations. I am super busy all the time. I am a sophomore in college with a double major, a minor, and two jobs, but I always make time for him in my day. Whether it means I have to be texting him while I'm in class or if I am staying up extra late just to say hi to him when he gets off work I always put forth that time and effort. He's the first thing I think about when I get up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, but I'm always initiating our conversations and now he's barely responding at all.

I can't help but wonder if this means that he doesn't ever think about me anymore. I cannot understand why he doesn't want to text me when he can, especially because we don't talk AT ALL anymore. I've feeling very hurt and very alone and I can't even tell him, because he's not responsive right now. I'm trying not to get angry at him, because I don't want fight about it; I just want to understand it. I tried to discuss it with him last night and he just stopped talking.

I'm so freaking frustrated and I know it isn't -that- big of a deal, but it's really getting to me for some reason.

Sorry for the rantyness I just needed to get all that out.

[LadyMarchHare]

Perhaps you should tell him your frustrations and ask that he try and make a bigger effort toward contacting you when he's able. I don't think it's so much he doesn't think about you or care about you anymore, it may be he's wanting you to make the first move since you sacrifice your time to make the effort anyway or it could be he sees nothing wrong with how things are and is comfortable. Only way you really find out is by talking to him. The effort is unbalanced here and both sides need to at least try and make equal effort on such things as communication.

[OliveOyl]

im in the same boat at you hun! and lady is right and i have tried to talk to my SO about it... but he is still sick and doesnt have time to talk to me. I am actually thinking about cancelling my visit next month. it sucks, but I just dont want to be in a foreign country being ignored either! lol. I hope you talk to your SO. They are legitimate feelings to have. and I hope it all works out! and im here if you need to talk

[Silviar]

Just keep in mind that if he really needs his sleep and is that busy, there's a good chance it's not from a lack of wanting to talk to you, but rather he's so busy and tired that it's hard for him TO message you. Working nights is very hard on the human body, and one of the residual effects may be a lack of energy to do other things. I'd encourage you to talk to him and see if he has exhaustion, see if there's anything that can be done to help improve his overall situation so he'll be more available mentally.

[kiara_silver]

i get this alot cause my SO is in college and travels alot so we go through periods from a few days to weeks of no talking. And he seems to take it alot easier than i do, he wont write or come on, and me even when im away or busy i always have to write him or check my messages whenever i get free time lol, makes me feel lonely even if im not alone, and makes me miss him and not feel as special to him but then i get ahold of myself and remind myself of all we been thro and have and i focus on me, i make myself not write him that day if he hasnt wrote back yet, i try to stay offline till he comes to me and has time, i say try to focus on you, you still need to live your own life.

[machstx]

i think in general girls are willing to sacrifice more. i know i sure do. im at work 13 hours a day and only have a few hours once im home that i sacrfice to talk to him. he on the other hand works 8 hour days and doesnt half of the responsibilites i have, therefore having alot more time on his hands. They just dont need to talk to us as much as we need to talk to them. plus i think we girls tend to think if we dont talk often we will drift apart or they dont love us if they dont call stuff like that...i HATE it! lol. hang in there hun and let him know how you feel. so he can work on being a little more available im sure he will undertsand. just explain calmly that you miss him

[fiestydyste]

OMG... I go through this also... My SO is going to school for Theatre Arts and Play Performances and also holds a Full time job in the evenings and spends time doing gigs for his band... Plus, then he's always helping out his family... so any time that we do get... usually is short and barely sweet...

I know how you feel.. you text him and you never get a response... you email... and never get a response... So if I don't hear anything for a week from him-- I've pretty much have gotten to texting him him.. "is everything ok?? haven't talked to you in a while" which usually gets a response of... "sorry.. I've been busy... I'll call you tonight"

All I can say is... try to not flip out if he doesn't get back to you... wait a week.. then ask if everything is going ok... I know it's said easier than done... there have been times where I've flipped out on my SO because I thought he was "blowing me off" for going out with his brother to party... when in fact I later find out it's because he's helping him move...-- We wouldn't act this way if guys usually said... "hun, I'm going to help my brother move... can I try to talk to you later?" Men, don't realize what they do sometimes... and women sometimes just need to hear from them...

So yes-- communication is the only thing that holds an LDR strong at this point... but try not to get excited when he doesn't get back right away... and if you need someone to vent with... I know sometimes I do... you can certainly let me know and we can chat....

[xopookie]

Hmm, I don't know about you but you're working hard too. You're double majoring, 2 jobs, and minoring so you probably stay up all night long and this guy can't make time for you but yet you can make time for him. Hmm, well I know how you feel but since you've tried reaching out. I think it's his turn to reach out to you! Like this time make him miss you make him want to talk to you. So try not to talk to him for a few days and wait until he comes around! This usually works !

[Silencedsongs]

i think in general girls are willing to sacrifice more. i know i sure do. im at work 13 hours a day and only have a few hours once im home that i sacrfice to talk to him. he on the other hand works 8 hour days and doesnt half of the responsibilites i have, therefore having alot more time on his hands. They just dont need to talk to us as much as we need to talk to them. plus i think we girls tend to think if we dont talk often we will drift apart or they dont love us if they dont call stuff like that...i HATE it! lol. hang in there hun and let him know how you feel. so he can work on being a little more available im sure he will undertsand. just explain calmly that you miss him

I'm the opposite... My SO needs me to speak with him more, and feels more of the pangs of my absence than I do his.. Primarily, because during his morning and afternoon - I'm sleeping. I'm busy during my day, and my evening/nights I speak with him because he's up and waiting for me. But if I'm getting burned out, I'll let him know I might be distant or just not around as much. Maybe just asking him if he can give you aheads up to a busy schedule or knowing he'll be tired in the future will sort of put your mind at ease...

[Mfashnik]

First of all, thanks for all the advice. It was much appreciated and it helps just to know you guys go through the same things sometimes.

So I had a conversation with my SO about how frustrated I have been with all of this and the result wasn't exactly what I was expecting. All this time I have been making excuses for him, because he works nights and he needs sleep and he is a busy person, but last night he told me that he doesn't talk to me, because we never have anything to talk about. He told me that he doesn't want to bore me with stories about work or about what games he's playing or who he's hanging out with. So I asked him what I was doing that made him feel like I didn't want to hear about his life. He didn't have a response to that.

But he conceded really quickly. I was pretty upset with him and I reacted badly. I explained to him that its hard to hear that he was consciously not speaking to me, because he was bored with our conversation. He seemed sincere in his desire to change things, but I had a hard time believing him. Not that he would ever lie to me about it, but because I fear he'll get distracted and the effort won't last. I told him that I was tired of being disappointed in us and that I didn't have enough faith left to continue to be disappointed by our relationship, which really hurt his feelings. I wasn't trying to make him feel bad, because I don't want that, but I felt like I needed to be honest and I have been disappointed a lot by the direction in which our relationship has gone.

That was at like 3:30 this morning and I ended up just needing to go to sleep, because I had a rehearsal to direct this morning. So we're supposed to continue our talk today, but I have to wait for him to wake up. I hate this part. This mid-make-up wait for him to wake up so that I know everything is going to be okay for sure. If this were a CD relationship we would have had make up sex and gotten over it by now.

I feel strange, because I've never won an argument with him before. I have never presented him with an issue in our relationship and had him say, "Listen, I'm not just patronizing you here. I understand what you're saying to me and I think you're right. We do need to talk more." I guess I should be happy, but I'm disappointed that we had to have the conversation in the first place. We're normally a really great couple. I hate when we get into little spats like this.

[LadyMarchHare]

I can understand where your guy is coming from to a degree. My life is pretty ordinary, I don't do much most days beyond play on the computer or sleep so whenever my SO would ask me how my day was I would end up either avoiding the subject unless I was really mad about something or I'd make some witty, sarcastic reply like "oh well I breathed in, breathed out, and between then some time passed." I didn't want to bore him and be like some girls I know who, the minute you ask them something, you get a movie plot, three biographies, and somehow an obituary. He told me once the reason he always asked me even when I was being a pain was he wanted to make sure I was doing alright and that he never missed anything major or anything that bothered me that needed talking out.

Changing a habit you've set your ways in is very hard and chances are he'll need reminding from time to time, but it doesn't mean he's giving up or being insincere. It's just very easy to settle on the end of the couch you made a groove in than to move to the other side where the cushion still needs breaking in and isn't as comfortable.

[fiestydyste]

maybe to liven things up you both should read a book together... like 1 chapter a night/week or something.... that way you can both discuss it and have something new to talk about... My SO talks about his play productions and I ask him for the story lines... just to get a picture of what he's doing... it's great fun when he actually tries his characters out on me over the phone... I'm the one that leads a boring life... so to change it up a bit from -- went to work, cleaned the house, etc--- I've been trying to find new music he might like... see if he's heard about them... then pick his brain on things... or we discuss sometimes our favorite places to eat and what they serve... kind of like 20 questions... but I'm sure you'll figure out how to make your conversations interesting in time... life gets mono tone sometimes... Michelle and Frank have some good examples to liven things up over Skype or the phone...