SOS!

[Miramaid]

I am sure many of you may have been in a similar situation.
We have been together one year. Out of one year 9 months were LDR. When we are going to close the distance we do not know. We see each other every 6-8 weeks (try to). Our relationship is very rocky and very emotional and very much like a roller coaster and I believe much of it is due to the distance. Every time we are together even when we argue it is not nearly as bad as when we are away. It is getting only harder seems like. It is getting only harder to leave every time and I have noticed every time I leave he gets distant, starts digging into some bad stuff and we argue like a cat and a dog. This time after a visit I get home and we got in a huge argument that nearly broke us up! Things are better now but now the communication is less and is different.
The bottom line is that I know the long distance is taking such a terrible toll on me! I lately feel like i can't handle it any more! Not because I do not love him! Because I do and I want him every day next to me, all the time. I want to talk to him all the time, chat with him during the day, I want to send texts back and forth and I want to go to bed with him and wake up with him. I do not know how much longer I can take without all of it! I mean really physically I feel sometimes like I am gonna have a heart attack! I sleep badly and I even went to a psychiatrist...I know I do not want to leave him. I do not want to break up, but I do not know how to handle the distance. It is my second LDR and my first one was easier, but I was also younger and we were in different countries so I just had to deal with it. Here we are only in different states and I want him to move to me (I can't move due to many reasons). I do not know how to take the distance any more. It affects my life in a negative way because all I think is about him and being with him, when he doesn't call I get all the bad thoughts in my mind, I can't sleep normally and I can't do my work. I came back from a visit less than a week ago and I just feel so upset all the time! I do not know how many more visits like that I can take. I want to be with him every day :'( x 10000000000

Please give me any advice how to take the distance and not go crazy!

[meldir]

i feel for you! im going through a rough time right now too and i can only imagine how itd be if i was in your situation. arguments are a lot harder to endure when you cant talk face to face! it sounds like you really need to live with him to improve things! how about him moving to you? im sure youve spoken about that, how did he react? im certain he has similar thoughts and doesnt know how to go about the situation as it is now. im sure he loves you just as much and wants to find a way to improve things! maybe try and openly voice your concerns? i hope things will improve for you very soon!

[Silviar]

Long distance is hard, on one level, but I've generally found that it only exacerbates problems that are already there. It forces people to become more well-rounded, I think, because otherwise it can eat a person alive and leave them with very unhealthy relationship ideas/patterns, like waiting always for a person and excluding life to the point where it only focuses on one's partner.

I suggest starting by focusing on yourself. There are some things that we can control, and others we cannot, and it's best to give yourself some time every day to bitch, moan, and rant about the things that you hate so you can get it out of your system and focus on things you enjoy. From there, I'd recommend planning a few steady activities a week that you enjoy - volunteer, clubs, going out, hobbies - and enjoy life, especially if other people get involved.

Distance is painful, and it SUCKS, but you can't let it control your life.

[OliveOyl]

i totally agree with silviar!! it is absolutely super important to be happy yourself. completely independent of another person. and i think it will 100% help you with all of these very stressful feelings you are having. good luck hun!