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**blankita719** · March 26, 2011, 08:05 AM

First of all, welcome to the forums

And yes, I think all of us can empathize with the way you are feeling with the post-visit blues. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try and not dwell on the sadness and those negativie feelings. Keep busy, so you can't just focus on the bad. Read, write, watch funny movies, volunteer, spend time with friends and/or family so you feel like yourself again. Hope that helps a little bit!

**LadyMarchHare** · March 26, 2011, 08:40 AM

As my boyfriend told me once, "at least with this much pain, I know it's real."

It's normal to fall into a pit of despair after having such glorious times together, but we always need to remember that if we did not have the bad times we would not appreciate the good. Like blankita said, it's best to try and keep busy as it makes the time go by faster and occupies your mind so for the most part you're not dwelling on missing him or wishing you were together. 3 months will soon become 2, then 1, and then just a matter of weeks and days. I know sometimes the brain can be cruel to us and we can't get out of a negative funk, but that's when you fight back with all you have to turn them around. Just think about what you'd say to your guy if he came to you, thinking the same thing. Wouldn't you reassure him that you'd see each other again and that the wait wasn't that long? You'd give your all to cheer him up, so why not apply it to yourself? After all, you matter just as much as he does.

**meldir** · March 26, 2011, 08:41 AM

thanks so much for the lovely advice & warm welcome!

i am and will try! i guess it just takes time, too bad time never passes quickly enough when your looking forward to something!

**meldir** · March 26, 2011, 08:43 AM

thanks a million! i know i matter to him, but people i speak to about this keep advising me not to constantly dwell on missing him while im speaking to him as it will make him (as a man, so i was told) feel uncomfortable and clung to. im by no means clingy, but the week after was extremely harsh. im a very sentimental type and he is more of a reasonable one

**LadyMarchHare** · March 26, 2011, 08:55 AM

There's a difference between telling the guy "I miss you" and "I wish you were here/I was there" and being clingy. Clingy is calling every hour of the day, demanding all his free time be spent with you and no one or nothing else, and throwing a fit like a child when it doesn't happen. Just because he has a third leg and facial hair doesn't mean he doesn't feel the way you do in his own way. I know after my visit in early February my guy asked me pointe blank to text him more as he missed me and even if he couldn't reply he liked hearing from me. I'd rather be honest than hold back on the premise that he might find it overbearing.

**meldir** · March 26, 2011, 09:03 AM

yeah i get you, i suppose i just pressure myself too much with thinking what i could possibly do wrong. im in a confused state of mind, i do hope it will pass and i certainly hope my worries will subside eventually

thanks so much for the advice! really helpful

**bluishskin** · March 26, 2011, 09:08 AM

Hi meldir!
It is frustrating to be in the kind of situation that you just mentioned. When my SO had to go back home after visiting me for the first time, we were literally crying together at the airport and both of us had this fear that we would never see each other again. We were getting worried about the distance and everything else...and taking him to the airport I was just sobbing like a child as soon as I was home. But despite all those thoughts, we kept assuring each other that things would be fine at the end bcoz everything was real. We always try to keep in touch no matter what, technologies do make it easy. He visited me again for the second time last year, and we're going to see each other again in about 3 months. Don't worry too much, what you are experiencing is normal! Do fun activities with friends and such stuff so you can get distracted a bit. Like what my SO always says to me: "Things will be fine at the end bcoz we're in this together!"
Good luck!

**NaNi** · March 26, 2011, 09:26 AM

I'm going through the same situation right now.

I'm going to see my SO in just over 4 months, but we don't know when we'll see each other again after that because we don't have any money left.

The thought alone makes my eyes fill up right now.

So don't worry, you're not alone.

**meldir** · March 26, 2011, 10:17 AM

thanks so much for all the lovely advice! can totally relate to bluishskin! felt exactly like that and i sobbed my eyes out too.. airport goodbye scenes are like the worst thing ever. i knew it was gonna be hard but never imagined it to be that bad! thanks so much everyone, so happy im not alone

**OliveOyl** · March 26, 2011, 08:19 PM

hi

you have to have someone to talk to about all the things you worry about. it also doesnt necessarily have to be with your SO unless its necessary. i suggest these forums, they are super helpful and everyone is soooooooooo lovely

**meldir** · March 27, 2011, 04:54 AM

thanks so much

i have noticed! its lovely on here! i wonder how long its going to take me in the end to not wake up and be sad that i wont be able to hold his hand that day... im always fine when i speak to him but when i wake up the next day its right back to square one

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scaringly desperate! :/

scaringly desperate! :/

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