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[Evil-Monkey]

I'm hoping someone can provide a spark of inspiration for me, cause I'm quickly running out here

We've been together...not too long but somehow everything clicked into place almost perfectly and we've became strongly attached quite fast, we do know it was really really fast but neither of us have any regrets over it.
Usually, since its not really a horribly long LDR we try to see each other 2 or 3 times a month. It used to go quite smoothly...there are always times when we've felt terrible but the other always managed to comfort till things smoothed over and we're also talking everyday...skype just rocks for that!

But this month...has been getting worse and worse for her..
At the beginning of the month she stayed with me for a while and since then hasn't been able to get over the whole 'goodbye' part and its been slowly breaking her

2 weeks ago she opened up everything to me on how badly she was taking everything..how just thinking of me would bring tears to her eyes cause we're not together...and how whenever she looked forward she could never be optimistic :/
That...shook me really badly but I managed to try and hold her together and it kinda worked cause she managed to turn round and enjoy things again, at the same time we organised me to go over to her on the 30th.

But then last night everything collapsed again, except this time whatever desperation she seems to have I couldn't pull her mind out of it..it got to a point where she said she knows she would not be able to see me leaving again and that she has no idea what to do any more...

I...really really don't want to loose her, and she's told me herself even if she feels this bad she doesn't want to leave either. So I'm...desperately trying to keep her spirits up but I'm not having any luck..

So please can anyone give me some advice on what to do so this doesn't fall apart..because I can just see that happening if not sooner then later..

[meldir]

oh dear how i can relate! i am in the same situation as your girl, i feel exactly like that! i know how painful it can be! what im trying right now is to find things like rituals per day that are special to you and your gf (for example, i always ask my guy at the end of each day what made him happy throughout each day and then we talk about it and i look forward to that all day long), will give her something to look forward to and also strengthen the bond between the two of you! another goodie is asking questions about each other if you havent done it already all kinds!
try n help her focus on the good things even if its hard! she will get into the routine im sure! hang in there!

[Silviar]

I think it's great that you're supporting her down spirits, but she needs to work at it as well. I would strongly encourage her to talk to a therapist so she can get a neutral opinion as to why it's reoccurring.

I would also encourage her and make sure she's spending enough time away from the computer - is she giving herself time to invest in healthy relationships with family and friends? Is she getting out of the house enough with work, volunteer work, or school? Make sure she's giving plenty of time to the rest of her life and not just her relationship, because someone who only obsesses over their relationship becomes a very one-sided (and uninteresting) person.

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with Silviar. It sounds like she's fallen into a bout of depression and having a therapist or counselor to talk it out with who can also give advice and confidentiality might help her a great deal. Outside activity is highly encouraged in these times, to get her around other people and being active in some way whether it's just running errands, working out, or walking around the mall. She can't hole herself up and depend entirely on you, it's not fair to either of you. She needs to be her own person as well as your girlfriend, not one or the other just because she misses you.

[OliveOyl]

Definitely agree on therapy of somesort with a neutral party. She seems very emotionally dependent, and although its sweet your tryiing to help her, she definitely needs to help herself cause its not healthy. I've been in her shoes and counseling was the best idea ever! Its scary the first time, but it gets easy and it definitely helps you feel a lot more calm!!

[Miramaid]

I feel the same. I do not know how to help. Seems like the only thing that would help me really would be if he moved in with me and we were together all the time. I do not know how much longer I can handle the distance I want a family already and I just really miss him and I get depressed and can't study or do anything. I think what helps a little is when my SO is actually sensitive about it. I know many men do not know what to do or even get angry over their girls being so sensitive and crying and not being able to do anything at the moment...but when he is sensitive and says nice words and encourages me to look forward for a visit and when we talk about future it too helps a little, but not much
My SO too goes through stages like that when he is very angry and takes it out on me in wierd forms and pushes me back. All I do is I still love him...even if it hurts sometimes and if I feel like he may not love me any more. I know he loves me and i know it is hard for him too and sometimes I am sure he feels just like I do. I just really wish that one day we will be together every day.

[Evil-Monkey]

wow thanks for the replies folks..never been good at asking for help in the past :/
Meldir, the idea about talking of what makes her smile seems great...tried that abit seems to sometimes work :x

She...used to go out quite a bit I did notice that its grinded to a halt, though I'm constantly nudging her never to ignore her friends and actually go out...I guess I really really need to make that message stronger now :/

The therapist thing...the idea sounds good, I think I'm going to have to work out some way of saying it without...sounding demeaning if you've got any experience on being told...or telling and actually getting good result from the other...please shout at me.

And finally, to Miramaid, I've told her that she has nothing to fear about expressing emotions...my feelings towards her really is never going to change just cause she feels bad, I know she was...afraid of it before but thank you, maybe a small reminder wont hurt.

Thanks again everyone

[LadyMarchHare]

There's really no way to suggest therapy to someone without them getting a bit upset if they're in denial about having a problem. The best way you can approach it is tell her you've noticed she's changed and the change is making you concerned for her, that if she feels the change too that perhaps she could go to a counselor or therapist. Remind her that what she tells them, they can't legally repeat unless she admits to wanting to harm herself or others. Whatever she tells them stays in that office and that way if she's feeling like she's burdening anyone she can take it off their shoulders and put it on to someone whose job is to listen and help. It does not mean you think she's crazy or that she needs to be medicated or anything like that. You just want to see her happy and willing to reach her full potential in life.

[acroush]

Is she on this site? This site always helps me when I am feeling down... It might not solve the problem, but knowing people are having the same problems too always makes me not feel like an idiot.