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Goodbye LFAD

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    #1

    Goodbye LFAD

    My LD relationship is over and I realize my advice no longer means a thing here. Originally this break up was my choice, but he hardly gave this the fight that he used to when I was unsure. He keeps saying how he wants to be together in the end, and I don't want to buy into that and have false hope. I have too much pride for that. I've been through the independence stage and the anger stage, but now I am really stuck in the sadness stage. I want him back so badly and I honestly feel entirely pathetic and worthless. I lost my virginity to him, he proposed to me, and I really thought he was the one. Maybe there's still some chance he will be, but really not much. Thank you for all of your support and advice on here, but this concludes my LDR.

    Much love,
    Vanessa

    P.S. Good luck to everyone here. You all have something really great and I hope that you can work through the distance in a way that me and my boyfriend could not. Love can conquer all, I still believe that with every inch of my soul, I just wasn't all that lucky.
    ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~
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    #2
    I'm sorry that your relationship ended, but you don't have to leave. You are more than welcome to stick around.
    "I'll hold you in my heart till I can hold you in my arms again."


    "It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard...is what makes it great! -A League of Their Own

    Met: August 22, 2010
    Made it official: September 17, 2010
    Got engaged: January 15, 2012
    Our First Visit: November 18, 2010-November 28, 2010
    Our Seventh (and Last) Visit: November 10, 2012-November 24, 2012
    Got married: November 21, 2012
    Big Wedding Date: May 25, 2013
    Closed the Distance: June 2, 2013

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      #3
      .....

      Comment

        #4
        I say don't leave. You can add some perspective for all of us. But I also understand that it may be hard to see others "in love" and working it out.

        But I'd miss you.

        ETA: What the heck happened from a few days ago? I know you were upset about not being able to close the distance for another 3 years. And yes, I know that sucks. And if you don't want to discuss it, I understand.


        When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

        True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

        When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

        1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

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          #5
          I'm sorry for what happened to you and to your So
          But I do believe there's still a chance for two of you. Fight for it
          Hugs for you -^_^-
          "Love wins everything especially fear."

          Comment

            #6
            That's really sad I hope things turn around for you and get better!

            Comment

              #7
              I'm so sorry to hear that...take care of yourself and be happy whatever you do....

              Comment

                #8
                You don't have to leave, but if you feel the need to, Just know that we all wish you luck in your life.
                "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.

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                  #9
                  I think I'm finally in a "I can talk about it" mood. Basically after there was no chance I could end the distance I was really emotional and we cried to eachother and I started fighting with him again about how awful distance is and how I need him to prove he loves me, and I really just shot him down because I was feeling really horrible about the whole thing... I really had my heart set on closing the distance now instead of later. We ended deciding on a break, which I quickly decided I did not want and then I got made at him again and wanted to break up. This friend of his that likes him and he confides in a lot was at th hospital and it seemed like he cared a little too much, and he even visited her. (The girl had got drunk and smoked and then had an emotional breakdown and was admitted.) I started to realize he would not go out of his way to see me if I was admitted and started feeling really insecure about his relationship between him and this girl, as much as he tells me he doesn't want her.

                  He had decided he did want to be together at some point within this, and then I was really rather set on breaking up because he had pulled the suicide card again to get me to stay. In the end everything turned around on me, I realized I wanted him back and he was set on wanting to break up with the possibility that we'll be together in the end. It's rather crazy, but I guess we really are having trouble getting on the same page, and he's realized how awful LD has been for us.
                  ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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                    #10
                    if you want him still and you really think theres still a chance i think you shouldnt be so proud and stubburn and give it a chance if there is something there. fight for what you want till you can fight no more. dont give up!.. im sorry..

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                      #11
                      I've fought quite a bit but he's rather set that we can't handle LD anymore. He still wants to marry me and be together in the end, but I can't live without love for that long, and nothing like that can ever be guaranteed.
                      ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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                        #12
                        I think this can be salvaged...but maybe you need to give it a day or two of reflection. What do you to really want? What is most important?

                        I understand you were trying to end the distance now, but the fact is, when you two separated, you always knew the distance wouldn't be closed until 2014. That's always been out there. What is it that you expect him to do to prove his love for you? Didn't you two just have a great visit a few weeks ago? What makes you think he wouldn't go out of his way to come see you, if something had happened to you?

                        I understand the distance is hard. I'm 4800 miles and 6 hrs ahead of The Boy. You've made it this far and I think with a realistic view of the relationship, you two can make it...but I understand that LDRs are not for everyone.


                        When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

                        True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

                        When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

                        1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Yea although I decided I can handle it, I don't know how true that is. I just want him back. Honestly, I'm starting to think that if it's meant to be it will be, but we've been fighting a lot because being apart makes us question things and both of us have been these controlling monsters we don't want to be. Distance is really not our thing, but being together we're great at.
                          ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

                          Comment

                            #14
                            It's kind of scary how much you sound like I used to with my boyfriend. I used to throw around the idea of leaving him, not so much because I wanted to, but I wanted to make him show me how bad he wanted to be with me. That is a horrible thing to do to someone you care about, and I hope you know that now. Words are powerful, and when they are said out of anger, we can't take them back. I think you need to swallow your pride and be honest with him. Tell him how you feel. You can't be upset with him for not fighting hard enough if you've had several episodes where your faith has wavered. One person can't carry a relationship, and it's not fair to ask them to. Good luck to you both, and know that you don't have to leave LFAD just because you are no longer in an LDR. You still have that experience to share with others.

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                              #15
                              And now I feel like I have to go apologize to my boyfriend haha

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