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    #31
    I do have to say that if feels great to not always be thinking about Mark, and not worrying what he is doing, when he will call..and blah blah. It is amazing how much time I had consumed with Mark, and I didn't even realize it. I stressed a lot about our relationship also, and it feels good to not stress over it!

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      #32
      Originally posted by vpavelock View Post
      Thanks everyone, I may stay here afterall, but be a bit less active of course.

      The current update is that after he exploded on me last night told me he doesn't know what I want and said "don't talk to me" I went to sleep woke up, and saw my face already felt clearer because I decided yesterday to stop stressing over him. I decided to delete him from facebook and delete his number from my phone so I don't feel tempted to contact him, and if he's ever ready to talk to me than he can contact me.

      As emotional as it has been, loosing the love and my life and all I definitely can say I got a sign yesterday. There is ONE person from my high school that goes to the same college as me. On the bus ride back to school we sat near each other and talked for the 3 1/2 hours straight and we decided that when the weather gets a little warmer, we'd go for a run together.
      During the ride he had told about how he hasn't had a facebook in a while, but then that night he had made a new facebook and requested me, told me he enjoyed talking and asked me about what I was doing this week. He told me he realized he didn't have my number and asked for it. I think he might have made a facebook to get my number, since we don't pass each other on campus that often.
      It's funny because he lives the hall right next to mine, and he lives in the same town back home. I'm definitely getting ahead of myself, but it definitely made me have hope that I could possibly love again, and perhaps in a more convenient circumstance.
      well thats good just dont rush into it too fast, give yourself time before you do *huggles*

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        #33
        AH yes, trying not to make that mistake again. I thought I was past the sadness stage until I got back in my room and starting thinking. Damn.
        ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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          #34
          I'm so sorry the relationship is hectic. However, I do NOT think you should leave the site because you're no longer LD. To me, LFAD kinda feels like a family. I wouldn't leave my family just because I get married or something. I strongly believe you still have a place here, and I also believe you can still be just as helpful. You were LD for how long? You certainly have a lot more experience than I do in this. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say we don't want you to leave. Distance and relationship status is irrelevant. What really counts is that we all wanna be there for each other in times of need. How can we be there for you if you don't stay?

          Great. Now I feel like breaking out in song...

          Lean on me! When you're not strong!
          And I'll be your friend! I'll help you carrrrrry ooooon,
          For no one can fill those of your needs
          That you won't leeeeet shoooow!

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            #35
            Newest update: I realized I loved TOO much. My heart is broken and it will never beat the same way. :/
            ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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              #36
              You realize telling a counselor you've attempted to hurt yourself or have thoughts of it nulls their confidentiality contract and any family you are with will be notified. I'm not discouraging you by saying that, I merely want you aware that they will tell someone because it's important those in such a state be watched over and kept safe.

              Your advice is out of hurt, dear. It's not love if you don't invest every shred of sanity you've got, it's the gamble we all take and a risk many have lost themselves to but that's life. Either you do, or you don't. I'm sorry he hurt you, I'm sorry you're in a bad state because of it because despite different reasonings I know what it's like when a knife against your wrist looks good, when the idea of swallowing too many pills to make the pain go away sounds like paradise, when the moment you black out under water in the bath tub is your sanctuary from the hurt. But I also know what it's like to claw your way out of that hell that someone else put you in and still find some way to trust someone enough to love, to feel again.

              You will get through this. Right now, it's a matter of baby steps and taking it hour for hour, day by day.

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                #37
                I plan on just talking to them in general, not about the suicidal thoughts. And I've been through plenty of break ups, but none felt like this, because I've never completely put my guard down. And as much as you can't fully love with your guard up, I honestly think you should never give as much as I did because there is always that chance that promises will be broken.
                ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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                  #38
                  Considering you just openly admitted to a group of people on the internet you had the solid thought of ending it, I do believe it's an issue that needs bringing up. I'd rather you speak with a professional on that subject matter than rely on strangers as I know from experience people that may act like your friends can quickly turn around and tell you to do it. They're paid to listen and help and if you have the nerve to even flinch your hand towards a bottle of painkillers and a cup of water, that needs sorting out. I'm not a professional, but I speak from personal experience.

                  Of course there's always a chance, divorce happens every day, doesn't it? Spouses cheat, people get hurt, families are torn asunder, but that's life. We are dealt bad hands here and there, some more devastating than others, but those who can recover from them are the ones who have the last laugh at life. What's the point of loving someone, if you don't trust them or put your heart in their hands, knowing they very well could make a fist and kill you by crushing it? Not every person will betray, not every person will inflict damage. It's a game of Russian Roulette in the end, but as I said, that is life. Right now, however, another person should not be your focus. You should be your focus as you are in a very bad way and need to rebuild yourself to withstand bigger gusts of wind.

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                    #39
                    I think I can handle myself. Thanks though.
                    ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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                      #40
                      Wasn't saying you couldn't, if that's how it came across then my apologies. I've been where you are for many years, I know the pain and I know the frustration, though like I said not because of the same reason. Doesn't really matter the cause, the damage ruins you in just about the same way every time anyhow. Just keep your head above water.

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                        #41
                        Will do, it's a bit rough when you're away a college with not much to fall back on, but this just gave me the spark I need to really get deep into the novel I'm writing.
                        ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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                          #42
                          We're all going to screw up, and sometimes you just have to take the risk and give it another chance. In the beginning I messed up with my boyfriend, but we talked about it, and made it work. I hope it works out for you. Goodluck.
                          <3

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                            #43
                            I'm sorry

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                              #44
                              Sounds like my LDR but we broke up and I'm still on here. Don't leave!

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