Religious Differences....

[Dziubka]

I had thought about opening a thread like this one before and I've written about it on my blog on here.

My boyfriend is a practising Catholic and I'm a non-practising Protestant. I do sort of believe in god and I think that my church is a decent organisation, but I don't go to church regularly or pray or anything. My boyfriend attends mass every Sunday, goes to confession (but like twice a year?) and some other things.

It's not really a big topic between us. When we're together I sometimes go to church with him because I want to spend as much time with him and there's an academic mass in his city that's actually very interesting. We're going to get married in a Catholic church, but with a modified Catholic celebration as I'm not Catholic.
As for our future children, we'll leave it up to them. I'm not going to make them go to church with daddy and I won't let him make them, but they're of course more than welcome to go and see if they like it.

[DollOnAMusicBox]

I'm a Catholic who's just recently found my faith again and returned to mass. I am not a radical or extreme catholic. Everybody has their flaws and God loves everybody in my opinion. I have always wanted a big catholic church wedding as well!

My boyfriend on the other hand, doesn't believe in organized religion. He believes you can be faithful without dictation of the church or anyone else. I've kind of accepted that if we do marry, it won't be in the church. And although this is a huge deal to me, I don't know if he sees it as a sacrifice for our relationship. I don't mention it, because we're not there yet.

Another situation where "we're not there yet" but the topic has come up, is the idea of raising children together. In religious terms. We both have very strong opinions and ended up arguing, and resolving it by saying "Its too far ahead in the future to be going there and fighting about it now." But nevertheless, the worrier that I am, it stuck with me. His view is that we shouldn't bring up our future children in any religion, teach them whats out there, and let them decide for their own when they're old enough. I'm fine with the idea of my future children deciding to be Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, or Atheist, and strongly believe that they should have an understanding of other faiths because one of the things I don't like is the closed mindedness of the church....but it is ideal for me that they be in the catholic faith. I feel like its a part of me, and something that I would want to share with children that I have. To explain to them why God is in our lives, and why I do the things I do. The best example I will be able to set is a Catholic example, since thats what I am.

To some extent, we're at an agreement. We want whatever future children we have to be educated and open minded. But...things got hairy when the sacraments came into play. He doesn't want our kids going to confession (he doesn't even like the idea of ME going to confession, he feels like I'm 'outing' him in some of those sins, and he feels that its not as necessary as I've been taught it is). And...he doesn't want them baptized. This last part hurts more than anything...and I can't exactly explain to him why. He sees his own baptism as a reminder that he was forced into a religion against his will, and doesn't want that for his children. My view is that its a protective, welcoming sacrament that just...is a celebration of their birth and things. It gives them an "in" in my faith, and really when you're baptized catholic, you can settle into any christian religion pretty easily. It kinda seems like a skeleton key to me, haha. Anyway, like I said...we just ended it with "We're too young to make these decisions for children we won't have for years." But its still on my mind every time I go to church. There's one couple there every weekend...where she's not catholic, but he's teaching her everything she needs to know. Its sweet and endearing and something I'll never have with my boyfriend. Once again I'm not sure if he realizes how big of a sacrifice this is. So long story short, religion is one of those things we don't talk about We know where the other stands, and leave it at that for now.

[Xanahtas]

Im christian but i dont go to church or anything, and my SO is catholic although his family is Hindu, which has actually brought up a few things...
His family (parents, grandparents) said they wanted us to have a Hindu wedding, he spoke to me about it and we both agreed we didnt want that, we want a 'normal' wedding, as in christian/catholic sorta thing, he doesnt beleive in the Hindu way or anything, so he didnt see the need for it as it would only be to please his family.
Also i get the impression that his parents have doubts about me coz im white, and he is half indian (dad is indian, mum portugese but brought up in india). Seems their culture likes to keep white people away, or so ive been told.
So in the way religion goes, its more his family which sometimes can cause us a few minor problems.

[nicole]

I am athiest... he, isn't really anything. He believes in the presence of a God, whereas I do not, but that is pretty much the only difference we have, which is nice. I wasn't raised religious, my grandparents were, and would sometimes take me to church on special occasions, but apart from that, religion has had no appeal to me. He used to go to church, but his family stopped going after a while. We both beleive in "Souls" though, I'm not entirely nonspiritual.

Over christmas, my SO went with his family to the Christmas Eve service. His mom said it would have been awesome if I could have been there. My SO replied "Nicole wouldn't ever step foot in a church" then explained that a high percentage of British people are atheist, and asked if there was a problem. She said "well there kinda is...". I don't see there being an issue with his immediate family though, but I know some of the other family I will meet in the summer are pretty hard-core christian. I don't want to tread on anyone's toes =/ I would actually go to church with his parents if they wanted to go when I was visiting, if only out of respect for them. I wouldn't stomp my feet and refuse to go. It's when someone tries to force their beliefs on me, where I have a problem. I don't push my beliefs on anyone and I expect the same treatment.

[Lunar Snow]

I'm a non-denominational Christian, though I (following what Blankita said) am more spiritual than practising. My SO is agnostic, I believe. We don't often talk about religion or spiritual beliefs lately.

I have this feeling like I might have written something else about this in another thread a long time ago, but that's okay (I think the topic was rather different anyway). It does worry me sometimes about the difference in our beliefs. I don't think a wedding will be any time soon (and he would probably have a heart attack if I brought the concept up...and sometimes I wonder if he even believes in marriage), but I do like to imagine a wedding and definitely don't picture a justice of the peace uniting us. Also, with children (again, this is reaching quite far into the imagined), I would want them to be raised with a sense of the spiritual and an offering of Christianity, so that they can make up their minds on their own (kind of like my parents did with me).

I do find it frustrating, too, when he makes snide comments about Christian beliefs. I am pretty patient and I have a good sense of humour, so sometimes I can laugh the comments off along with him, but sometimes they are just too much and I find them hurtful. I wouldn't want him to teach our children to make take pot-shots at any element of a belief system that is benign (e.g. believing in a higher power).

[lucybelle]

I'm an atheist and so is my SO. Thank <lack of> GOD! haha

But really I was baptized episcopal, went to all sorts of churches growing up, then decided I didn't believe any of it. My SO was actually going to be a PRIEST!!!! Then found sex and booze I guess...

I always thought growing up here in the bible belt that my husband would be religious. I had decided I would be okay with that. But I must say I am more than thrilled that my SO ended up being atheist like me!!!

[OliveOyl]

omg lucy, i always LOL at anything you write on here!! glad he found the booze and sex?!? lol

[lucybelle]

Oh I'm definitely glad he found out about the sex! jaja!

[Rosebud]

Although I'm actually unsure if my mother has any sort of religious beliefs at all (though if she did I'm assuming she would be Presbyterian as that's what my grandmother is), my father is Catholic and so that's what I've been exposed to growing up, having been baptized, going to catechism, having my first communion, etc. While I don't attend church every Sunday now and don't consider myself a hardcore Catholic, I DO still hold myself to those basic beliefs and I've found through my past dating experiences that it is important to me that whoever I'm with shares those similar beliefs as well. So I'm quite fortunate that my boyfriend is along the same wavelength as I am While neither of us follows the Bible to a T, we are both spiritual and there's absolutely no issue for either of us if we decide to get married in a church.

While I've no problem of other people practicing different faiths, I find that if it's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's an issue that's important enough to me to want us both to be in the same mindset.

[Trethsparr]

While I've no problem of other people practicing different faiths, I find that if it's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's an issue that's important enough to me to want us both to be in the same mindset.

^This. After having dated outside of my faith in the past, I knew it would be crucial for me to find someone whose values lined up with mine and whose faith was as integral to his life as mine is for me. It was on my "must-have" list.

[Sora1101]

Oddly enough both my SO and I are Wiccan, yes like the witch craft Wiccan, although we don't go around casting spells on everyone. We aren't very into the whole casting spells ordeal of it all, but we both strongly believe in the basic morals and priniples that the religion holds.

The only spells I've ever tried were relaxants and ones that help with sleep, and because all of the igrediants needed for these are actual plants and such, they do work quite well. ^^

[Zephii]

I'm Wiccan and my SO is agnostic. He's pretty easy going about it, he'll do my "witch stuff" with me, respects my beliefs, but is too much of a skeptic to really put his heart into it. I think the biggest compromise I've made due to our differences is to agree to still celebrate Christmas with him as a cultural holiday.

[kat4301]

I am atheist and my boyfriend is a methodist. Its something that hasn't been a huge block in our relationship but we have def had some heated arguments. The toughest things has been that his mom is very religious and doesn't not believe in living together before marriage. Luckily we have already lived together and she seemed to get over it but did ask us to go down to the courthouse and get married (but we didn't ). The hardest thing will be if we ever get married cause I do not want a minister or a church, but thats a ways off so no worries. I actually learned at some point (in a psych class or something) that having different religious views was not a variable found to correlate to divorce, so yeah, having different religions might be a good thing.

[books]

I'm Catholic and so is my SO. I'd have to say for me, sharing the same faith with my partner is fairly important so I was definitely happy when my SO made an effort to go to mass with me. He could probably be classified as a non-practicing Catholic (ie. only goes to church for a wedding or funeral) while I go to mass regularly. His mother is Catholic and his father was raised protestant but from talks with him, he seems to be more or less atheist. His Mom is really pleased that I'm Catholic as I think she always hoped he'd meet a girl that would get him to go church.

[sabby64]

I'm Agnostic and Brandon is a non-practicing Christian. It hasn't brought up any problems so far He knows my point of views on religion and I know his, and we're both comfortable with them. I could never date someone who was really religious, I could never convert to someone else's way of thinking and there is no way I want my children to be brought up in a religious household.