"I love you" not the solution to an argument

[acroush]

So my SO and I have been together 6 months now and I knew I loved him in month 2, but we have been holding off telling each other because we want to wait till we are with each other so we can have that special moment together... I know a little cheesy, but with him I want it to be speciall... We keep hinting at the idea, but don't actually say it, like I <3 you, or I adore you... basically saying it without using the "L" word.

Here is the problem...

We got in a disagreement the other day, we don't fight ever and disagree very little so it is hard when we do cause we don't have much practice at it. He ended up having to go to class before we could finish and I had to go to bed. Since he lives in China it is not like he could just call me on his way to class or even text me from his phone, so I just went to bed angry, which I hate doing, and as I went to plug in my phone I saw I had a text from an odd number. I opened it and it said, "I will do it. But only because I love you..." This was the first time he had ever told me this... and it was through text... and during an argument.

I did not answer. I was pissed. While I was excited that he loved me, we had planned on not telling each other till we got to see each other and be together. Now that is gone. My special moment with my SO is now tainted by this argument that led up to him just throwing in those words to stop a disagreement.

I don't know what to do. I am hurt that he used "I love you" as a solution to a problem and that we lost that moment together.

[Tara_Lynn]

Ahhhhhh!!!! Men.

Love their hearts, but sometimes guys flounder about when it comes to emotions. Especially angry ones. The lack of closure on a very rare fight probably upset him a fair bit. And he knew it upset you as well. When trying to offer an olive branch during high emotions we sometimes extend something that isn't...appropriate. For you, his use of "I love you" in a fight was totally inappropriate.

After you've said I love you often enough, I love you is often code for "I am so pissed at you right now, but I still love you and this fight isn't going to change that. Hmph." I think your man did this in a way. I also there may have been a combination of "texting without thinking" and insecurity. In his mind he has already said "I love you" a hundred times to you, and he likely texted it without totally thinking. And also in his mind, he was probably frustrated that you couldn't resolve the fight that evening and used "I love you" to fight off that wave of insecurity that everyone feels after fights.

So, while you need to explain to him that what he did was wrong, (I swear mean need clicker training just like young pups sometimes) remember that you still have a very important moment ahead of you because nothing...and I do mean nothing, beats hearing/seeing your man utter those three precious words to you in person for the first time.

[nicole]

Men!

I remember the first "I love you", mine wasn't perfect either by any accounts, so I feel your pain! We had been tip-toeing around each other, doing the same as you "I heart you" etc, as I was leaving and we hadn't had the "Are we going long distance" talk yet. One day it all got to much for me, and I could do nothing but cry. I cried and cried for hours and hours, until we were sat opposite each other, me sniffling and puffy eyed, with a toilet roll between us. He then asked me if I loved him, and he said "I love you". I tease him to this day he only said it to stop me from crying

I don't think your SO meant it as a means to solve the argument completely, I think he might of though it might lessen the bad feelings between you though. It does suck it was via text though- most of the time, I love technology, but sometimes it makes things too easy. We've had fights before and he apologizes in an email and thinks that is enough. No it certainly is not. I would tell your SO text is not a very appropriate means of communication for important conversations or arguments like that. Too many things can get misunderstood, and you can't take back what your words once you've pressed the "send" button.

[LadyMarchHare]

In my experience, saying "I love you" via text never compares to hearing it, especially in person. So take that with a grain of salt.

As mentioned I don't think it was his solution to use those three words in hopes of appeasing you, more than likely he was trying to cut your anger in half and figured some sentiment of affection would show he wasn't pissed beyond belief and those words may have been all he could think of. Men are problem solvers by nature, they're not as sensitive to emotional needs or the more 'girly' ends of human behavior. They take things at face value and with text there's only so much face presented to work with. Personally I'd be more concerned about smoothing the wrinkles than the fact he said "I love you" before your ideal moment. It's a trivial detail to bother yourself over when there's bigger issues at hand.

[lucybelle]

I don't know, I think you're putting way too much pressure on this "moment" of yours. You already admitted that you say things like it just to not say "those words". I don't think it's a big deal it was over text or during an argument. When you see each other and tell each other face to face for the first time, it will be magical no matter what you've said before. I think you're over reacting a bit. Saying "I love you" hasn't been ruined. Don't be silly! You knew he loved you before you got that text message.

[acroush]

Maybe I am just being a girl. The argument was about nothing really and was over before the next day, but his text made it last longer because I was so hurt by it. I was no longer angry at him about the argument I was just left hurt...

He appologized for it and I believe is truly sorry that it happened. I can see he is embarased by his actions and knows that while petty and stupid it may be, it was something important to us both.


I know when i hear him say it for the first time my heart will jump into my throat and I will be flying. It will be such a relief to know that I can then tell him those words for the rest of our lives

[OliveOyl]

i dont see it as a bad thing either. you both already know you love each other. And he probably realize your argument probably didnt matter all too much, because in the end your more important, which is probably why he said he loved you. i always end stupid fights like that. I just swallow my pride, and tell him I really do love him too much to be angry and mad at him. It usually gives him a bit of perspective on making petty arguments a big deal, when they dont really need to be hope everything works out.