Have you experienced this before? Please share!

[LadyMarchHare]

I check my SOs facebook sometimes... not because I don't trust him... but then a few weeks ago he had this IM/email thing with this girl and he was simply and innocently asking her to come to his graduation party and dance with him there... I didnt think there was any reason to be angry or jealous (other than the fact that she gets to do those things, she gets those options and I dont...) but then I went to re-read it cuz I asked who he was going to take and he said his sister when I remember reading that he had asked this other girl... so when I went to re-read it, the email was deleted and I couldn't so I flipped out... He said he didnt want me to think he was cheating on me... I'm still a little paranoid now because I saw that email as absolute innocence and he deleted it... how many emails have been deleted because he doesn't want me to think hes cheating... would he cover it up if he was? how blind am I? ugh yea today is not the nicest of days to talk about this kind of thing for me so I'm shutting up now ^_^

Playing Devil's Advocate here, anything can be seen in another, less flattering light. While it was innocent and you did see it as such when it was available to read, it's also very easy to misinterpret things, especially text, and depending on your mood when you read such things you could either be calm or blow up into a flying rage. Chances are he was overanalyzing what he had written and the entire dialogue between he and this girl and thus removed 'evidence' to avoid such a misinterpretation and ultimately a fight or just the chance he might hurt your feelings. It's a gamble and that was potentially sensitive material. Lord knows I'd delete stuff like that if I knew my SO or anyone that might get offended would see it simply because I don't enjoy confrontations or dealing with sore feelings.

[LadyMarchHare]

Did not read the comments.
I experience it all the time. In fact last night me and my BF got in a huge fight over FB and he deleted me from friends (AGAIN) together with a few of our mutual friends.
With us it is him who is possessive and jealous and he started asking me about a couple of guys on my FB and i guess i was defensive also. I never cheated on him or anything like that at all, but he doesn't trust me and always assumes that I lie to him. He for whatever reason thinks that I am on a dating profile tho I am not! So last night escalated to a huge fight, him being furious and saying that i was selfish and that I did not trust him and did not want to share my life with him, that since i am secretive about my FB friends it means i am not 100% his and he has been etc. etc. Tho his wall is hidden and he is always offline for a chat and I can never see him when he is on FB. And of course I have no idea who all of his 500 friends are and I do not ask him. I too am a jealous type but I do not allow myself to get it between us. He did.
Now it feels like we are either going to break up or gonna be in a forced break. I did not do anything wrong, but he made me feel like i cheated, he deleted me, he sent a few mean texts and an email today blaming me for ruining our relationship.
I understand that all that comes from insecurity and distance etc., but oh my gosh how HARD it is! I am 300% loyal and i love him, but he is rather find every reason to say that something is wrong with what I say or do.

There is a joke that kind of pertains to the situation:
A husband talks to his friend:
Husband: I am gonna come home and beat my wife up
Friend: WHY??
Husband: Well because there is always something she does wrong
Friend: What if she did nothing wrong today?
Husband: Oh no she did! I bet you I will come home and the house is messy
Friend: and what is not?
Husband: Then the dinner is not cooked
Friend: What if she made the dinner too?
Husband: Then she wont put alcohol on the table
Friend: What if she does that too?
Husband: Alcohol? Nooo! She would not! Come with me, stay for dinner and you will see
So they go and have dinner, the wife cleaned the house, made tasty dinner, smiled all evening and was extremely nice, she puts alcohol on the table...and all of a sudden a husband hits her on a forehead with a spoon! Wife starts crying and says "What for???" and the husband says: "Do not breath too loud!!!"

The moral of the story is that if someone wants to find something to blame the other for or be unhappy, he always will.

Sorry for a long reply.

Oh HELL no. Tell his ass to get to some therapy. That's straight up abuse, honey, being accused of cheating and pinning the blame on you. That's emotional abuse and that train stops now. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE deserves to feel like they're shit or they're the bad guy when the bad guy is the one filling your head with the lies. Paranoia, distrust, and abuse do not ever fly in a happy, healthy relationship. You deserve better than that and frankly if he's not willing to fix himself you dump him and hope the door hits him where a dog shoulda bit him. I don't care if he got abused as a kid and now has low self esteem, trust issues, and voices in his head he can't control there is no excuse on God's green and plentiful earth he needs to treat anyone much less the woman he claims to love, that way. I've been on the receiving end of that mess for far too long, either he cleans it up or you leave because chances are if you stay you're gonna be just as screwed up as him.

Didn't mean to go into Preacher mode, but stuff like this really gets to me. There is no amount of love on this earth gonna fix a man like that if he thinks everyone else is the problem.

[tiffinnie]

Playing Devil's Advocate here, anything can be seen in another, less flattering light. While it was innocent and you did see it as such when it was available to read, it's also very easy to misinterpret things, especially text, and depending on your mood when you read such things you could either be calm or blow up into a flying rage. Chances are he was overanalyzing what he had written and the entire dialogue between he and this girl and thus removed 'evidence' to avoid such a misinterpretation and ultimately a fight or just the chance he might hurt your feelings. It's a gamble and that was potentially sensitive material. Lord knows I'd delete stuff like that if I knew my SO or anyone that might get offended would see it simply because I don't enjoy confrontations or dealing with sore feelings.

We talked about it and thats pretty much what he said and I more or less (more like... not at all) dropped it. but the way hes been acting and things my friends said to me are just eating at me today...

[LadyMarchHare]

We talked about it and thats pretty much what he said and I more or less (more like... not at all) dropped it. but the way hes been acting and things my friends said to me are just eating at me today...

Even with the best intentions in mind, friends can sabotage you more than anyone. God knows I've yelled at my SO more because a friend convinced me of this or that and I ended up making a complete fool out of myself. Thank God he was understanding.

[Deleted Account]

i dont follow this rule... because i never remember it when my BF gets jealous, he's usually the one to get really jealous because I am more social than he is...

but the rule is, to not get defensive when some1 is jealous in a relationship. The ideal thing is to laugh it off in a way in which it wont offend.. and after you made ur partner smile and everything, u can explain that there's nothing to fear and he/she will be more soothed due to the light humor.

as for you being the one to get jealous well... u do have a reason to do so, but FB is a place where u add ppl u know.. and not every woman your bf has on Fb means that he's attracted to her. Instead of coming up to him and getting him in the defensive and probably you getting accusatory.. approach the issue in a much neutral way.. like associate an issue with it or i dunno.. maybe saying like "not the im worried or anything but who's that girl u just added... im just curious, why dont u tell me about her" or something similar...