Sick of Being the One that Makes all the Effort

[emliz2018]

Hi Everyone,
In my LDR, I still live in our home state, close to my family and his. He goes to school in MS and therefore spends most of his time there. I feel like I'm the one keeping this together and keeping communication open - with no help from him. I am always the one that is asking if he can skype or talk on the phone, the one that begins text conversations, and the one who sends him little things. He never asks if I can talk or skype and didn't even send a Valentine's Day card. I am getting really frustrated with the fact that I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into this relationship. I understand that he is busy, but I also know that he has some downtime and can't understand why he wouldn't want to spend it talking or video chatting with me. Hopefully you all can help.

[Silviar]

I'd recommend setting up a set schedule of times where you talk/skype, and then make sure you agree on telling each other first if you break your skype dates. College is different form home, and downtime may not be as much as you think - studying, hanging out with friends, going to events on campus... it's so busy, and he may want the freedom to be able to do those things. So by setting some times together, you make it easier on both of you - and then you don't have to ask.

[Miramaid]

I am at school too and getting a PhD. Not master's and not undergrad. PhD. I still make time every day for my SO and not only him, but my family as well. I believe anyone can make time for the one they love. If they love them. Talk to him and tell him that you feel like your communication is lacking and that you want to know where his heart and mind is in this relationship.
No one wants to make an effort into something if the other person is not into it. Just my personal opinion

[Kristin91]

Talk to him and tell him that you feel like your communication is lacking and that you want to know where his heart and mind is in this relationship.

That's what I think too! You have to be open and communicate with each other, in all relationships, but it's especially important in long distance relationships because you're not there to see each other and interpret their body language, etc. So ASK HIM what's going on, and TELL HIM how you feel! Good luck

[Micah]

Some people are just really bad long distance communicators. My boyfriend is one of them. We talk on a daily basis, but I used to feel I initiated everything. Then I found when I pulled back he eventually talked to me that day... I just always got to him first. So, stepping back and waiting for him to contact you could help at times. It may be hard, but it can be done. You could talk to your boyfriend about it. That's the best you can really do. You can't make someone want to talk, but you can express that you want him to initiate conversations more. If he ever calls you or video chats with you first, you should express how happy it made you that he called, used skype, etc. If you praise him, maybe it will inspire him to do it more. Also, I hate to be stereotypical, but I find that a lot of guys find it hard to juggle more than one thing at a time. My guy is like that. If he's busy with work or something else, then his communication can be kind of crappy. I have gotten used to it over the months, but I have found he is incapable of multitasking. This might just be my situation, though.

[lucybelle]

You have got to tell him how you feel and what you expect from him. A relationship involves two people. Not one.