He lied....twice

[Miramaid]

I would not break up over this but would be more careful.
He may really have been afraid that the age gap would scare you off. If he lied about his age when you just met out of insecurity, I bet he felt stupid later on to bring it up and may be wanted to test if you would be scared away by the truth. I do not know, but yes many people do not like their age once they start getting older.
Work it out, but sure be cautious. Good luck!

[Miramaid]

I did not tell by SO about an abortion I had 7 years before I met him. And I did not want to tell him. He found out on his own. Just like he did about many things by searching on the net. I do not know if it is comparable to lying about age or like being married or having children, but I did not want to tell him because I first of all wanted to forget about it myself, second that was something no one knew about, and third I did not want him to judge me or change his opinion about me.

Everyone lies sometimes. Not always out of a bad intention. I do think lying about age is kind of stupid and everyone deserves to know their partner's real age. But I think it is a poor judgment to say "I hate lying in all forms and will not accept it and will wonder for the rest of my life if there is anything he/she did not tell me about?" People have the right for a personal space and they do not have to always reveal EVERYTHING about themselves to even the closest people. My parents do not know about that abortion and they are the closest people to me. It just all depends.

[LadyMarchHare]

Everyone lies sometimes. Not always out of a bad intention. I do think lying about age is kind of stupid and everyone deserves to know their partner's real age. But I think it is a poor judgment to say "I hate lying in all forms and will not accept it and will wonder for the rest of my life if there is anything he/she did not tell me about?" People have the right for a personal space and they do not have to always reveal EVERYTHING about themselves to even the closest people. My parents do not know about that abortion and they are the closest people to me. It just all depends.

I'd also like to add there is a vast difference between a white lie and a lie that can hurt. In this case, it was a white lie, a vanity-stricken need for the untrue. I mean really, it's not going to literally kill someone to say you're 25 when you're 30. Everyone tells white lies, everyone stretches the truth. It doesn't mean they're pathological liars, users, or cheating. It means they're HUMAN.

[leonsfangirl]

Thanks again,
It's helps to get a varied opinion.
I'm not about to throw what we have away over this as we've been through a hell of alot together and that would be stupid. I mean seriously, just because he's older than me doesnt change the fact he's great for me... just means hes been on the earth a little longer.
The reason why, i can fully understand too (even if i think it's silly to be worried about your age, we all get older) and i trust him when he's says thats all he fibbed about.
It was just the shock of it!

[koreagirl]

I can definitely understand the shock of being lied to, especially by someone you've been through a lot with as you say. In relationships, and especially LDRs, honesty is vital to its wellbeing and lying hurts the health of your relationship. However, as other people have pointed out, sometimes people lie about certain things for very personal reasons. I hid information about something from my SO for an entire semester last year because we hadn't been dating long enough for me to feel comfortable discussing the information with him until later. Then, later on, I confessed and gave him all the details of what I had hidden from him. My SO never got angry because the information was so personal. I believe age is one of those personal things for some people. Maybe your SO was just very sensitive to that information and could not fully reveal his true age to you until he was comfortable. I would say forgive but don't forget. I would instead be more cautious and definitely discuss with your SO the importance of honesty within a functional relationship.

[erinewelsh]

This is SUCH a hard position to be put in, and the distance only makes it that much worse. I have dealt with something of a similar nature with my boyfriend. He lied to me about cheating on me...twice. There's really no cut and dry way of dealing with this. If you feel that you can get past what he did and move on, then keep working through it. However, it's important that if you can't let go of his lying, you say so and let him go. It's not fair to either of you if you hold on and keep trying to salvage your relationship if you can't forgive him for what he did, ever. Good luck to you!

[LadyMarchHare]

Thanks again,
It's helps to get a varied opinion.
I'm not about to throw what we have away over this as we've been through a hell of alot together and that would be stupid. I mean seriously, just because he's older than me doesnt change the fact he's great for me... just means hes been on the earth a little longer.
The reason why, i can fully understand too (even if i think it's silly to be worried about your age, we all get older) and i trust him when he's says thats all he fibbed about.
It was just the shock of it!

My SO 'lied' about something just as petty once--his name. Technically it wasn't a lie because the name he gave me was a middle name, but I was still pretty unhappy when one night I wheedled his full name out of him. His reasoning was his first name gets associated with a vampire (no it's not Edward) and he hates the fact he has a long name. By long I mean he has three middle names. So he just tells everyone his real name is the most normal of his middle names since he feels it's better than the 'mouthful' on his birth certificate. It bugged me for maybe a week but I never brought it back up since there was no point. He had come clean, he had a valid reason even if I thought it was silly, and otherwise he hasn't ever lied to me.

People lie about silly things for silly reasons. I suppose you could say I lied about my own age back in middle school because the clerks at a bookstore I frequented thought I was in college and would give me the student discount, I never corrected them. But at least you have enough trust in him to believe that's as far as he's gone in the lie department, which really isn't that far at all.

[LadyMarchHare]

This is SUCH a hard position to be put in, and the distance only makes it that much worse. I have dealt with something of a similar nature with my boyfriend. He lied to me about cheating on me...twice. There's really no cut and dry way of dealing with this. If you feel that you can get past what he did and move on, then keep working through it. However, it's important that if you can't let go of his lying, you say so and let him go. It's not fair to either of you if you hold on and keep trying to salvage your relationship if you can't forgive him for what he did, ever. Good luck to you!

How does lying about cheating equate with lying about your age? It's not even in the same category of lies.

[Tanja]

This is SUCH a hard position to be put in, and the distance only makes it that much worse. I have dealt with something of a similar nature with my boyfriend. He lied to me about cheating on me...twice. There's really no cut and dry way of dealing with this. If you feel that you can get past what he did and move on, then keep working through it. However, it's important that if you can't let go of his lying, you say so and let him go. It's not fair to either of you if you hold on and keep trying to salvage your relationship if you can't forgive him for what he did, ever. Good luck to you!

Did you read her whole post or just the title? Because tbh cheating and not telling about your age right away are a bit different, at least IMO lol.

[Joyce:)]

Just tell him that a relationship, to work, requires mutual respect, and that lies obviously, besides being hurtful, also show a lack of respect.
BUT only you and him really know how your relationship works, and probably you two have something amazing going on, something that can easily find a way around this lie.
I've had a good deal of lies in my life (one of which includes a prostitute in amsterdam, would you believe), and i'm only 18, so i guess you've had your experiences too, and you have your own way of dealing with them.
anyhow, as you already know, you can count on so many of us if or whenever you need to vent again.
xxx