Adult Decisions

[acroush]

I feel I am growing up.

Yesterday my SO and I found out there was a chance that we could see each other in 11 days. I was so excited and giddy that this was a possiblity. The problem was that since he is China the tickets are super expensive and since he does not have an American bank account that he can access I would have had to float him the money for the ticket until a later date.

I had the money to cover the ticket, but it would have left me very broke and no longer financially stable. The problem is that the time was not really worth the money. It is not that he is not worth the money and I would do anything to see him, but that money would be much more useful used for our future together when we close the distance in August.

I spent most of the day crying at work because I hated that I had to choose money over seeing him, but I know it is the Adult thing to do.

Anyone else have similar experiances, or advice to make me feel better about this?

[LadyMarchHare]

I think anyone who has to save up for trips or isn't well off enough to not worry about the cost goes through the same thing. I know it took me months to save the money I needed to see my SO in February, I even sold a high-priced item for an extra $500, but I was paying for everything myself without asking him for money. That was my choice. With the cost of the round-trip ticket, hotel, and all the cabs I had to take it ate up the near 3k I had pretty quickly when all I'd gotten out of the visit was not even 3 days of the planned 8. Had I known that was to happen I would have done the same thing as you and tucked the money away for another day because, to me, that wasn't a fair cost per quality of visit. Do I regret going, seeing him those few days, and spending all that money? No, but I caught a fair bit of flack for it, though.

A lot of people, especially people my age (21) are careless with money. It usually takes a big kick in the ass for them to realize the value of saving for another day versus "I've got to have it NOW". That and prioritizing your spending. What good would it have done you to go see him then come back broke and scrambling to make that financial safety net again? You would've already been stressed out about leaving, the added stress of money would just be like breaking someone's arm so that they no longer focus on the pain in their head.

Even in a relationship you have to look out for yourself first. And in the end this is for the BOTH of you, so it is a wise decision.

[Tanja]

It's perfectly understandable why you did what you did. Anyone on your situation would've done the same. It's not wise to throw away money when you really need it and especially since you're closing the distance quite soon anyway.

Yeah I'd feel bad about it for a while but still it's the right decision to make and anyone can see that. Cheer up

[Dauntedpoet]

(((((( acroush )))))) I've been there. You made the right choice, and its a choice that is BEST for your relationship. The stress being strapped for cash would've put on you, your SO, and the relationship.. is just too great.. had something happened and you'd needed the money.

[Joyce:)]

that was such an adult decision, and i know it sucks. i'm trying not to weigh too much on my parents, i'm trying to save up on my own instead of having them pay (even if my dad went out and bought my july ticket without telling me). i've basically given up going out for drinks on weekends unless it's something REALLY special, i've almost stopped shopping for clothes (and i am a shopping addict) and i really save every euro i get a hold on.
My SO was helped by his grandpa for the purchase of his ticket for when he came to visit him, and boy do i admire him: his grandpa didn't want him even to say thanks, and my SO, to show how grateful he is,has been going every free time he has over to his house to do his housework, work in his backyard, whatever to pay off what he believes he morally owes him.
The money you've saved will come in so handy when you two will be together. well done, really!

[princessmeg1328]

It is so hard to give up the chance of seeing him, but you really are doing what's best for your future together. I think it really is the best decision. Besides, you get to see him everyday once you close the distance.

[erinewelsh]

I've gone through this same type of situation a few times. My health has been a significant issue for about a year or so, for various reasons, and I've had to choose going to the doctor or having a surgery over being with my Jason, and yes, it is terribly difficult to do, but in the end, I knew it was the right decision for the long-term.