Father getting in the way...

[Sav88]

I don't know if I'm just being silly but here's the thing...

My SO is coming over to Australia from England in May and only for 3 weeks. We head back together to England and I stay there for 2 yrs on a visa.

Now, I have to quit work eventually but I want to give work my 2 weeks notice in time to work the last week before my SO arrives so I can spend my last 3 weeks in Australia with him showing him around. BUT my Dad wants me working for the usual (at the moment) 10 hours a week I work before going back to England for 2 years. I can understand his logic as he wants me to get some extra money from work before heading off. But I get cranky at the thought of leaving my SO on his own for 5 hours (2 days in a row). I feel it's time I can use to show him around places. I can't see myself getting dressed for work and saying,"Okay babe, here's some goodies to snack on, some movies to watch, oh and my laptop to play on when I'm away," I just...feel I'm not being a good host to him. I've discussed this before with my SO and he feels he'd be fine without me for 5 hours on both days. But, to me it's just my personal pet peeve. My Dad is serious about me working for the time my SO's here but it leaves me other free days with my SO open to getting shifts as well- yay I guess for more money but then..my SO is here to see my country! I can't leave him to just..sit in the house by himself for 10 hours a week. I don't know... am I being silly to feel this way? I feel like telling my Dad it's my choice if I quit work early to spend the 3 weeks with my SO.

I know my Dad is just looking out for me. He just wants to make sure I've milked enough from work before heading overseas for 2 years to try and find a job. He worries that I won't find a job there too and asked me if I didn't find a job would I come home or just dissapear. I get cranky! I just think, I need time to find a job first! He asked me recently what sort of work is there for me over there. I said there's lots of work around where my SO lives and my Dad is always thinking I'd not get anything. I just...I want him to let me go over there and experience life with my SO without him butting in. He asked me if he could come visit me over there and I felt like saying no because I know what he'll do. He'll get there and talk to my SO and his folks and ask them if I've made any effort to find a job (first asking if I have a job or had one since ive been there) He tells me I can't live off my SO's folks and I know this and I'd love to get a job and pay for board and whatever else. I told my SO about this and he tells me it's not like that- his folks see me as their own and would do anything to help me. I've never been the type to just sit back and let people pay for me or anything like that, and yes it's hard to swallow. I just find it hard when my Dad wants me to get a job asap over there.

[LadyMarchHare]

I think your SO's opinion on all this should be more important as it would be him being at home, not your dad. And while I see your dad's point about a little extra money, yes it is your choice. You're an adult and if despite your SO genuinely being alright with being left to his own devices for a few hours, you feel it's rude or mean or what have you to work instead of showing him around and spending time with him, you make the choice to give your 2 weeks' notice. There is always the chance of in the future some time showing your SO around Australia, but that is only a maybe. Your dad's worries are valid as he is a parent and just wants the best, but he also needs to know when to step back and trust you've got a tight enough grip on the reins to not fall off the horse.

[garnet]

Well assuming you're of legal age, your dad can't force you to work, right? That being said, a whole bunch of us have/had to work while our SO was on a visit to see us. Ten hours a week is such a small amount of time. I would personally be happy I didn't have to pull full time hours during the time I could be spending with my SO. I would go for working. Five hours a day, twice a week, it isn't going to hurt your trip most likely. It might even be just enough of a break to refresh the two of you, and be more excited to be together than ever when you get home from your shift.

[Sav88]

My Dad is a tough man to talk to. It's like, it's his way or no way. I do get a huge fear inside me of really dissapointing my Dad and making him angry. Because he shows it so well and it scares me. But the fact is, my SO is coming a very long way and to leave him even for 10 hours is hard for me. I feel it's my duty as a girlfriend and to my SO's folks to take care of him. I just feel that it's my choice and my SO's if I'm going to work the remaining weeks. I mean, sure I would love more money in my account before going but I'm being pulled towards keeping an eye on my SO and making sure he's got everything he needs to feel comfortable in a strangers home. I know how it felt when I first went to the UK to see him. I really wanted my SO around me 24/7 because I felt the initial (I'm a guest here) and didn't like being alone. I know it's 10 hours a week but even if it was just 5 hours a week or 3..or 2! it's a horrible thought to leave my SO sitting at home by himself.

[Élan]

My SO works 70 hours per week while I visit! Although it's definitely your choice, I don't think it's bad to leave your SO at home alone. To be honest, I like some alone time while my SO is at work (although I feel 70hours per week is a bit too much alone time!)

I guess since it's only 10 hours per week, I'd agree with your dad. Might as well make every last penny before you leave! But he can't force you to work, like other people have said. And as far of taking care of your SO.... as long as you don't lock him in the house all dad with no food, I think everything is okay. Just make sure he has food and can come and go as he pleases while you are at work. If you'd really rather not work for those last few weeks, you'll just have to tell your dad firmly and deal with his anger until he gets over it.

[Zephii]

Seriously, its good for your relationship to be away from each other, and 10 hours a week is nothing. I'm with your dad on this one. The extra financial security may really come in handy, and not living in each other's pockets for the full three weeks will be better for your relationship in the long run. There is such a thing as "too much of a good thing".

[Rach321]

Seriously, its good for your relationship to be away from each other, and 10 hours a week is nothing. I'm with your dad on this one. The extra financial security may really come in handy, and not living in each other's pockets for the full three weeks will be better for your relationship in the long run. There is such a thing as "too much of a good thing".

^This.

Don't feel you have to do it just because your dad says you should and will be mad if you don't, but what he's asking of you really isn't unreasonable either.

[nicole]

My SO will be working 40 hours upwards when I visit, and chances are when he visits, I'll be working too. 10 hours is not much and it actually prevents you from being in each other's pockets for a while.

I would think of it as a little extra cash- I mean you are coming over for 2 years on a visa, you will have a lot of time together. And you know, getting a job in England might not be as easy as you think. We have a very high unemployment rate at the moment- the highest it's been in years, so the extra money may come in handy if you can't find a job straight away.

[princessmeg1328]

As much as you want to spend the time with your SO, you have to think about what will be best for your relationship in the long run. What will benefit both you and your SO more in the future? Two hours every day or five hours on two days isn't a lot of time to be away from each other especially since you'll be seeing him every day for at least the next two years if not longer.

[Sav88]

hmm...I guess so. I just feel like I need to be with him. I guess I can handle it and I'm sure he can take care of himself for those hours. But now I have to go and tell work to take the leave off and let me work.

[Jonesonaboat]

Got to agree with your father one this one too.
10 hours is nothing! If it were just a 3 week thing then you might have a valid point, but then if you're about to spend two years with him then you've got nothing to worry about!

I think it's nice that your father wants to come and visit you. It's only because he cares about you and is looking out for you. It sounds like you're quite lucky there. Having his daughter move to England from Aus for two years is a big thing for him, too.

[Jonesonaboat]

Got to agree with your father one this one too.
10 hours is nothing! If it were just a 3 week thing then you might have a valid point, but then if you're about to spend two years with him then you've got nothing to worry about!

I think it's nice that your father wants to come and visit you. It's only because he cares about you and is looking out for you. It sounds like you're quite lucky there. Having his daughter move to England from Aus for two years is a big thing for him, too.

[WakeUpSusie]

I agree that you should continue working. Your SO is perfectly capable of taking care of himself for ten hours a week, and in the long run it will be good for you financially. It's only 5 hours a day.

[ioanna]

i agree with everyone so far too, and think you shouldn't worry about working two days a week during the visit. who said your SO has to stay at home alone? you can plan activities for him, send him to a museum, swimming pool, or just let him explore....
i visited my SO for 3 weeks and he was working 8 hours a day (as a minimum); but i loved being there alone doing my own thing (in a city i never visited before), and then being back home for his return, preparing dinner it was like we had never been separated and were just continuing our normal CD lives...

[Joyce:)]

my boyfriend came all the way over to italy from america for only a week, during which i had to go to school for four days, leaving him alone in the mornings and getting home in time to make him lunch. i anyway managed to show him around, take him to venice, slovenia, croatia, and other places.
I know you are really excited about showing your boyfriend around, but believe me, he can resist 10 hours a day without you, plus he can rest in that time, get used to the time change, call his family, even go out and about to explore on his own.. i totally understand how you are feeling, i hated having to leave my boyfriend at home, especially knowing that we had so little time and knowing that i wouldn't see him until july, but i knew he understood how important school was, and he had time to rest.
anyway, have a blast seeing him!