Scared of the future and resentment

[theoryofredice]

So I need some advice.
My SO and I have been dating 2 years, and have been long distance 3 months with a 4 hour drive. He is going to Ecuador in a little over a month for 7 months with little to no communication.
Now he has worries about us and our relationship. He worried how I will hold up and if it will break me and make me hate him. We have done 2 months apart with no communication twice already and yeah it was very hard on me. Hes worried I will resent him for the opportunity and all the fun he will be having.
He's really worried about the future. We are only 24. And me saying i want to be with him forever or something along those lines scares the crap out of him.
He's so worried that after he comes back he going to be going back to school somewhere and then I will want to move to where ever he is and he thinks that I will resent him and hate him for him making me move out to him missing opportunities.
And I can't get him past this. I know i want to be with him. But he's so worried of lossing me forever he would rather have me be a friend then end up hating him if this realtionship doesn't work
And i dont know what to do. I can't get through to him that I would hate him so much more if we dont try this. I mean i willing to wait 7 months for him to come back. I'm scared but I'm willing to it. I love him so much I just want to be with him. I also know any opportunity I have can't be as good as being with him. I would pick love over money and job any day. I know I can always find a job to make me happy I do environmental science work theres always a bunch.

Does anyone have any advice or a way to put things so he will see what I'm saying?

[LadyMarchHare]

It sounds like he has a lot of insecurities and maybe some self esteem issues. If he's worried about not being in constant contact with you while he's in Ecuador, tell him to write you letters and send them via snailmail. If he's moving around a lot you might not be able to reply, but it's some correspondence. And why should you resent him for doing something he wants to? He's still young, he has the right to have fun on his own even though he's in a relationship. And if you WANT to move to where he is, there's really no room for resentment as it would be your choice and if you don't like it there you have no one to blame but yourself.

Personally I'd resent a guy more if he dumped me to remain friends thinking that saves him from any hard feelings than if we were together. Maybe ask where all these feelings are coming from and why he's assuming you'll hate him so much, if something that's happened to him in his past is coloring his vision now. If you can understand the why's of all this maybe you can find the how of explaining to him you're not going to puff up into a giant ball of sheer hatred aimed straight at him for various things.

[theoryofredice]

well hes not worried about no contact or anything. hes worried about my insecurities killing me and making me hate him. Which grated i do have a fair bit of insecurities and it has been a bit of a problem in the past. Where i worry a lot and worry he is going to leave me, but i have been getting over that and no better way to get over it then facing it head on and dealing with it.

[LadyMarchHare]

Perhaps then you need to show him you're not going to fall to pieces without him? I know a few times in my relationship without much contact I've let my mind get the better of me to the point I caused unnecessary scenes between us, but so long as you learn from it and try better for next time then that's all you can ask for. Maybe you could tell him you found a community that will be your support while he's gone? After all, it is what we're here for, to aid those with bad times and rejoice with those who have good times. You have people to talk to here should your insecurities start to eat at you and people who will help you back on the right path. So essentially he wouldn't be leaving you alone for the wolves to find this time.

[Zephii]

"How men feel about their career is how women feel about their relatioships".
^ This is a great little sentance that will get you far Yes, it's not true for all people in all situations because nothing ever is, but it's a good place to start to build some understanding.

[GatoGirl]

I think it's cool the two of you are talking about this stuff! Not only is he putting it out there, but you are respecting it! You guys are new at the LDR thing, and looking at a big, big separation. I think it's normal to be a bit antsy about all sorts of stuff with a separation looming, esp one with minimal contact.