Worrying is ruining my realtionship

[jordansmithy]

I've been in a relationship for a year and for six months it has been long distance. It wasn't that bad, because we are about 90 miles apart. Now, when I'm starting college I'll be in D.C. and he'll be in North Carolina. My worries and anxiety are starting to make me push him away. I got upset, because I didn't have a phone for a while to contact him and that scared me because it brought up the idea that he'll be that unreachable one day. I've been saying that we should break up because it'll be inevitable one day. I use excuses like how he can be selfish when he wants to or how I'm too weak to be happy apart from him. I know I'm only 17 and should be mature about this and stop worrying. Right now he elected to give us some space until I see him in two weeks. I just want to not feel this anxiety about me leaving him so soon on the 19th of June. How do I stop worrying and realize I don't have any control over this and what ever will be will be. By the way, he and I are perfect for each other and are in a very loving relationship.

[Sano]

Aww. Age when it comes to stuff like this doesn't matter. Im 21 and sometimes when Im feeling really blue and my bf is busy I do wonder if we're going to last. Time to me is very important and I hate to think that Im wasting my time with him. I dont think it very often just when Im feeling sad but I think its normal. I hate not knowing but theres nothing you can do about it. And I think women worry more than men do, even about stuff thats not important XD
But for me even when Im blue and stressed, when the bf is free and he calls me I perk back up instantly. You said you're perfect for one another then dont give up because your having a few problems!
Just use the time you're on break to think about what you really want.

[Rugger]

I worry all the time because well I'm a worrier by nature. I worry about pretty much everything, but I've gotten better about it thanks to my SO.

My biggest worry with him is that he's going to find someone else, who is better than me, prettier than me, and forget all about me. But I realise that that is a stupid thought. He loves me. He wouldn't abandon me so easily just because someone was better looking, or whatever.

Whenever I get worried, I just talk to a friend, let it all out and then logically realise I was being stupid.

[Rosebud]

The worry never really goes away ( at least in my experience). But you reach in a certain pot in your relationship when you have to make a decision. Are you going to allow the worry to consume you and ultimately break you up with someone you dearly care for? Or are you going to swallow your fear, decide to work on a communication plan for those days when you can't talk (yes, it's rough not talking every day but it IS possible and probably healthy as well to have a little alone space for yourself) and move on with it. Trust me, I know it's tough and you probably will continue to worry. And that's okay. It just all depends on what you do with it. Lay it out for him clearly what you're worried about. No communication? Faithfullness? Seeing one another? Whatever it is, get it all out. And before you leave, work on a plan with him to battle those difficulties. And stick with those plans. I also find writing in a journal helps me greatly in getting out all those dark thoughts that love to wreak havoc in my mind during the wee hours of the night.

Good luck!

[Semperfikindoflove]

I've got quite a bit to say about this. Worry will completely tear apart your relationship if you are not careful. I've used this example multiple times but when I was in my first Marine relationship with my ex, I constantly worried that he could be killed. I thought about ending the relationship because I couldn't handle the idea of him leaving me. Guess what I realized? By leaving him, I wasn't leaving the thoughts that he could be killed, I was just leaving the relationship because of worry and fear. It doesn't change anything if you end the relationship, you'll still going to wonder and you're still going to worry.

Part of being in a long distance relationship is realizing that you have to put everything on the line. You have to give someone your whole heart and hope that they don't break it. It's trusting someone with all that you are and hoping that it doesn't come back to bite you. Trust is the biggest part of a long distance relationship. Without it, you won't make it. Stop worrying about the future, start worrying about right now. Things happen, don't spend your time worrying about things in the future. Take life as it comes at you. I know you're struggling with the worry but it's a mindset. Get out of the mindset, take control of your life instead of letting the worry take control of it. Empower yourself and your relationship, keep a positive mindset and believe that you can do this. That you two can make it through anything.

Try to point out what he does right, stop thinking that breaking up is inevitable. I've been through three Marine Corps relationships, I've seen relationships survive and relationships end. I run two Marine Corps relationship websites and I'm in the process of writing a book on Marine Corp relationships. Believe me, if those couples can make it through deployments for months at a time. You can make it through this, you seem like a tough young woman. Age doesn't matter, I'm only 18 and I've been through all of this and I'm writing a book. College will suck when you are apart but that's why you have all of the memories and that's why they created webcams and such, it's what will help the relationship survive. Keep your head up and let me know if you need anything.

[Joyce:)]

it will take a bit to adjust, but you'll be perfectly able to continue your relationship even at a distance.
age doesn't matter, love strikes at any time and never cares about age.
worrying is normal, the idea of changing habits scares the pee out of anyone, but you'll actually find how moving will make you stronger.
Distance doesn't matter when two hearts are loyal to each other. it's a cheesy quote, but i swear by it. good luck, enjoy the time you have together xoxo

[nic&matt]

Been there, done that, still doing it! I think it's super common in a relationship, especially from the girl's point of view (we're just a little emotional)! I think, long answer short, that it's from insecurity of numerous things. And, luckily, insecurities are also very normal in any relationship.
I'm a very, very insecure person and my SO was smart enough to catch on. He reassures me constantly of numerous things, like our love and how we're doing and what he's thinking, almost to the point of being annoying but it helps. He beats it into my brain and makes me quiet. Sometimes when I feel antsy I ask him to tell me stuff, any stuff and he does. I think asking for more assurance would be a good idea. It really goes far!
Also I think feeling so nervous asnd upset is because maybe you don't know what's going to happen!?!? (just a guess)
My SO was so so nervous because we never discussed the future before he left off to college and it was a rocky couple of first months but he asked to talk about it and we did. Now he feels more confident because things are planned out and not just thrown up in the air.

I hope some of that made sense! I hope everything works out between you two. Keep us updated!

[OliveOyl]

read anything i've written! I am the biggest worry wart on earth! I worry about everything. Family, School, and especially my SO. My imagination gets out of control and I have little crazy moments. And then I eventually calm down and things get better, but. With past relationships, it has definitely gotten out of control and ruined the relationship. :-\ I have trust issues...