wanting to give up on LDR

[jme21]

my boyfriend and i have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year. we only live 4 hours away so i am able to see him atleast once a month but i hate the distance and everything that comes with it. at the begining of our long distance relationship i was all for it because i knew that this would bring us closer, plus my plans were to go to school about an hour away from where he lives.i knew the distance would be hard,but i didnt think it would be this hard! i have contemplated breaking it off not because i am no longer in love but because i dont want to put myself through this pain anymore. I love him and care deeply about him but what is one suppose to do? it also very frustrating when the distance doesnt seem to bug him as much as it bugs me. Hes always saying how he "thinks about the future" and that "we are so close to being closer together" but it is upsetting that he doesnt feel the same way i do. maybe thats what has kept our long distance relationship up to this point that he remains enthusiatic about it.

maybe someone can relate, or can give me some words of encouragemnet.

[kiara_silver]

I know its hard, it gets almost in bearable but imagine when the wait is all over and your finally with him, do you want to give all that up? Sometimes its really lonely, and you feel like you have no one, but he's going through the same thing, and everyones here on this site to help support each other through the hard times, What helps me is going and reading sweet things he's said or wrote to me, and it makes me take a deep breath and say okay, i love him and he's worth it i need to hold on. I hope you can stick through it, LDR is hard but so worth it if it works. But i can't tell you what to do, its not for everyone, not everyone can handle it, i suggest talking to him let him know this and how your feeling. talk it out and see whats best for you two.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

No offense, but I really don't think that it would make you feel any better if you ended the relationship because of the distance. If anything, I think you'd feel worse because you wouldn't be in contact with him, and from what you say, it sounds like you really love him. I know it's hard, and this community is very very helpful and full of extremely supportive members who will help you through! =] Some days are tougher than others, but it's so worth it when you get to finally see your SO. You are so fortunate you get to see him once a month...most of us don't get that. I know you can do it, and we're all here for you! Try and stay positive, keep yourself busy with family and friends, and reread old texts or IM's you may have from him. That helps a lot. Best of luck!

[Tabitha]

I felt the same way very early on in our relationship, and much like your SO, mine is the optimistic one. When I'm down, he's always talking about the future and how everything is so close to getting better. I'm glad I stuck through it and remained committed, because we'll be moving in together in just a couple of months.

My advice is to think really hard about what you want. What you think you might want may not be what you find to be true down the road. If you really love him, you can get past the distance. You just have to believe in your relationship. Hope it works out.

[LadyMarchHare]

No offense, but I really don't think that it would make you feel any better if you ended the relationship because of the distance. If anything, I think you'd feel worse because you wouldn't be in contact with him, and from what you say, it sounds like you really love him. I know it's hard, and this community is very very helpful and full of extremely supportive members who will help you through! =] Some days are tougher than others, but it's so worth it when you get to finally see your SO. You are so fortunate you get to see him once a month...most of us don't get that. I know you can do it, and we're all here for you! Try and stay positive, keep yourself busy with family and friends, and reread old texts or IM's you may have from him. That helps a lot. Best of luck!

I agree completely. A lot of people, when they go through a good amount of grief, get an ignorant ideal that breaking up will make things better, or at least easier. The reality of it is not only are guys still far away, but you're no longer together and thus have no comfort that comes with being with someone you care about or even just calling them on the phone. Form of martyrdom almost.

If you feel it would do anything for you, you could try expressing these feelings to your SO and tell him you're not looking for any solution or anything (which is hard, men are problem solvers by nature) but just support. Work together to make the distance less of a burden and more of a minor inconvenience whether that means talking more, having skype dates, or doing something as simple as writing letters to one another. It's a hard thing to overcome and get over, but it's certainly not impossible.

[Semperfikindoflove]

Alright, so the first thing I would say is that it's great he's positive about it. You should be too, I know it's hard to do when it feels like forever until you two will be together but it's the only way to get through this. I've been in three Marine Corps relationships which are obviously long distance. I always had to be the positive one, my ex hated it because he was always down about it. But the thing he realized is that if I worried about him being gone, or if I worried about him getting killed, I would never be able to make it through deployments. You need to remember that time is only as long as you make it out to be and distance is only as far as you consider it to be. Instead of thinking in terms of big numbers, make the days, weeks, and months into smaller amounts of time. Count downs paychecks or something like that. Don't give up, breaking up with him wouldn't help. Things like this take time and if you want to give up now, you'll never know how good it could be in the future. Try to stay positive, wake up in the morning thinking that you love him and that you two will be together soon. I guarantee it will make your life easier and your relationship a lot easier. Good luck!

[jme21]

i am so glad i posted. thank you very much for all the encouragement. i agree, breaking up would be extremely painful because i wouldn't have my best friend anymore.i know that this is also difficult for him so not only do i owe to myself but i also owe it to him to stick around and give us a chance, we are on this journey together. i wish all of you the best of luck!