Leaving loved ones behind.

[snow_girl]

How do you deal with leaving family behind when you close the distance? I will be leaving in June to the UK. My visa is good for 2 years so I could be there for a while.

I am extremely close with my Grandparents and I am scared that when I leave that might be the last time I see them. My Grandpa has heart problems and we almost lost him about a month ago. I see them as much as I can. They are the main reason for having doubts about leaving. I know that they wouldn't want me to miss out on opportunities because of them but its still hard. I am going to buy them a laptop before I leave so that we will be able to skype while I am away so I guess that will help a bit.

I'm sure I'm not the only one feels this way. How do you cope?

[LadyMarchHare]

The only person I'm worried about is my mom, who's almost 63, retired, and with severely limited income and no insurance. She relies on me a lot financially as well as socially because our family sort of dismisses us. I'm afraid if/when I leave she'll up and croak on me or get so behind in financial stuff she'll end up in a retirement home or bumming off her sister.

The way I cope with the idea is that it's perfectly fine to be worried because she's older and a little needy, but I shouldn't let that hinder my life, my future, and my potential. If I were to stay as opposed to eventually leaving the nest I may become bitter and resent her and that's no way to treat a parent who's made so many sacrifices for you when you depended on them. At the same time I know I'm not leaving her completely alone as there still is family she can call and be around. Sometimes we have to step on a few toes to get somewhere, at least stepping on a loved one's toes grants you the biggest possibility that they won't hold it against you.

[Moon]

This is something that's on my mind a lot, and causes me stress and heartache all the time. If and when I choose to close the distance in the future, I'll be leaving my daughter behind. She is an adult, but it absolutely kills me to think about it. It's going to hurt leaving my parents and siblings, but its going to devastate me to leave her. I don't know how you cope, I guess you just do the best you can and stay in touch as much as possible. You're gonna miss them, there's no getting around it, but they'll be happy and excited for you. Will anyone be able to come and visit you? That would help a lot, I think.

[Mizpah]

It's hard, even in my situation where my parents have a long history of being controlling and abusive. I too worry about my grandparents. My paternal papaw is in bad health and since he lost my mamaw last year, he seems to be rather indifferent to life. My maternal mamaw and papaw have always been in amazing health, but recently my mamaw had to have surgery and she's been having very worrisome memory lapses. I worry that I won't see them again, or that when I do, she might really have Alzheimer's or something and won't remember me. My sisters are just-turned 10 and 16. I miss them terribly. The eldest of the two will be graduating in about a year and is considering medical schools in our new state. I am excited, but trying not to get my hopes up since I want her to choose the school that suits her best, even if that doesn't place her near me.

Our situation was quite complex, but once it simplified a little, I did come to miss my family a great deal. We visited them several times over the nine months that we lived in NC. Now we live 808 miles away instead of the 300, and it's even worse. I have no idea when I will see everyone again, and I miss my sisters very much. I am going through a bad spell of missing them right now, actually. However, it really hasn't been as hard as you would expect. I love my family, as complex as our relationship is, but I found my home with Aaron. We are happy here in Wisconsin, and are forging a wonderful life. The joys that provides outweighs the sorrows, but I do hope to find a way to deal with this distance. At least it isn't like eras gone by when you left, you left. The best you had was maybe a letter, and it wasn't at all abnormal never to see or speak to your loved ones again. At least we have the phone, texting, IM, Facebook, Skype, packages, and hopefully the occasional visit...

[nicole]

I do worry a lot. I know I will miss important stuff happening, and if there is an emergency, it will be hard to get back home on short notice- booking flights last minute is unbelievably expensive. I know my mum will be very sad when I leave permanently, and I know for me, at first, it will feel like I am back on exchange again, but it will hit me hard when it becomes real. I am very close with my family. My SO can go weeks without talking to his Mom; he hardly ever talks with his Dad. Whereas if my Dad doesn't see me for a week, he's calling me up, saying "Mum is worried" lol. I will also miss my dog terribly. I can talk to my family on skype, but whenever my dog comes on screen, he hears my voice and starts looking for me in the house. He's old too, so I know I won't be around when the end comes, it will break my heart. I'll barely get the chance to see my grandma too, she's become very cynical about life since my Grandad passed away, so she'll seem to not be too bothered, but I know she'll be sad too. I didn't really think of this stuff when we started planning this all out, but now it's becoming real, and I worry about it all a lot

[Dziubka]

I've moved out of home at 19 and have always lived serveral hundred kilometres away from my family since then (I'm 22 now). Basically I've always know that as soon as I finish school I was going to move away, because I've always wanted to live in a big(ish) city, somwhere interesting. I felt that it was (is!) very important for my personal development to live somewhere else, get by on my own, get new experiences, etc.
My mum has always been very supporting of this so there has never been a problem.
I visit my mum about twice (3 times at most) a year, so we really don't see each other a lot. We talk on the phone regularly and send each other mails every so often, though.
Sometimes I do wish we lived closer, so I could see her more often and maybe only for a day or a few hours and without travelling through half the country for too much €€€ that I don't have. But most of the time, I'm fine with it.

Imho moving away from family and friends to somewhere where you don't have a huge support network is a great and in a way unique chance to develop as a person and learn a lot about yourself.

[Caitlin2009]

i dont know. im not very close to my family but i know leaving them behind is gonna be hard and very sad, i think with anything you just ride through your emotions until you start feeling happy again

[lucybelle]

I'm not super close with my grandparents, I grew up in the south and my entire extended family is in NY. I saw them maybe once a year. So even though I do worry about them dying, it's sort of something that I realized just sort of happens. What I really worry about is something happening to my immediate family. Something unexpected. But... I can't let that get in the way of my life. I mean hell I could die at any time too, right? I can't let that stop me from crossing the street.

[Zephii]

I found the easiest way to deal with it was to not contact them at all, and that's not a good solution.

Before you go though practice using the skype with them! Make sure they know it inside and out. I thought my sister had a grip on skype when I left Australia, but she didn't and we had so much trouble trying to talk online that she gave up completely. So I ended up only being able to chat with her on facebook and get the occasional phone call for all of last year. Thankfully she's got it working now, more or less - but she still doesnt know how to hang up or anything. So that's my biggest advice, make sure they can contact you!

[erinewelsh]

It's tough because it's almost like you're trading one LDR for another. By choosing to be with the one you love, you may be choosing to be apart from those who love you. As with any other decision, I would hope your family would be supportive and happy for you. I don't have any family left, but I know they would be happy for me, even though I'm sure it would be hard to leave them.

[Micah]

I am very ready to leave my family behind when I close the distance. I will miss them, but I know they will always be a phone call or 10 hour drive away. I have lived away from my family before and although I was homesick, we still maintained a great relationship. My daughters will probably have the most trouble leaving their grandparents, but we will also be moving to a place that is only an hour from their father, so I think it is a good trade off. I think that my family is having more trouble with it than I am. I am so ready to move, but they don't like to talk about it because it makes them too sad. I am sure it will be a big adjustment for us all. I figure I only live once and I need to live in a way that makes myself happy and not live solely to please others.

[Sav88]

How do you deal with leaving family behind when you close the distance? I will be leaving in June to the UK. My visa is good for 2 years so I could be there for a while.

Oh you're leaving for the UK in June for 2 years- so am I

I think my pets are the ones I'll miss the most. I'm really attached to my animals and I'm actually in thought to give my birds away to my friend. I just think my Dad and Brother won't be able to look after them whilst I'm away. I'll miss my cat too I hope my cat and birds will still be alive when I get home.

I will miss my family, I guess the only way of coping is knowing you'll see them again and for me, they might have lots of respect and be proud.