Faking Being Strong...and My Weak Alter Ego

[acroush]

I like to pretend I am stong, to believe I do not need anyone to hold my hand through situations and in turn through life. I am a big fat lier. I feel to some degree I am strong, I miss my SO very much, but since we have made it almost 7 months in a LDR I think that shows some level of strongness...

Last night though I feel apart and fell off the strong wagon.

My back has been hurting since Sunday, I did not really think anything of it because I thought I might have slept on it funny or just have a normal back ache. The problem is come Wednesday night it had not gotten better actually it had gotten a lot worse. My roommate is an EMT and basically had to force me in the car and drive me to the ER. Once I got emitted I started to cry uncontrolably. My back was killing me and I really wanted my SO with me. I hate Docters and I am afraid of hospitals, and I just wanted him there to tell me that everything was going to be fine. I felt so weak and I just wanted him to rub my back and hold my hand.

I feel like such a baby even saying it, but I really needed my boyfriend. I trust him and it would have made my visit bareable, instead I just cried. Mostly because my back hurt, but also because I was scared. They at first could not find anything wrong with me, which scared me more, and after a few test they found that I had a huge infection and it was causing me back pain because it was radiating from my abs. They gave me drugs and 3 prescriptions and I went home.

Any one else out there faking being strong? Or are do you guys have any moments like this you would like to share, where your strongness goes weak?

[Joyce:)]

i fake being strong whenever there is a "down moment" in my relationship. i feel like already my SO is feeling sad, i have to make him think i'm positive even though all i really want is to turn my head away from skype and start crying. i just keep the tears until after skype, but usually my boyfriend calls me back because he's noticed something is wrong.
it sucks needing someone that is on the other side of the world, i know. all you want is for him to be by your side, hold your hand, and talk you through tough situations. obviously we still don't have the priviledge of being in the same area code as our loved ones, so while we are faking to be strong we are actually growing strong (veeeeery slowly at times though).
i've counted to ten so many times trying to calm down, i've written in my journal or prepared a text i'd actually never send my SO telling him how sad i'm feeling.
What keeps me going in these weak moments is the thought that time goes by, and looking back at the past i've had moments that were worse, and i got by, and now these moments actually look insignificant. i know you have plenty of friends, but if you need someone you can vent to you can pm me or whatever. it's usually easier to talk to a stranger and really figure out a situation for how it is.
anyway, i wish you luck, and i'm sorry for your back, i hope the meds are working!
xoxo

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't think you were faking being strong, it's simply as humans we can't stand alone at all times and when we require someone else to help us and they're not there, we can crumble under our own weight. Weakness, ultimately, makes one stronger. It's understandable, you were in pain and forced into a situation that is uncomfortable emotionally to you and you can't really go into that with your head held high and your hands not shaking to some degree.

Everybody has a breaking point or a time when the armor has to come off, it's nothing to be ashamed of, especially because we're all conditioned to desire someone to comfort us in hours of need, pain, crisis, what have you. But even if you're by yourself, you're not alone.