Bad habit causing trouble in paradise.

[sagittariusgirl89]

Ok, so as you all know, Ive been in a LDR for 6 months. Ive been with him for a total of 1 year and 8 months.

Anyway, I am causing my relationship to get rather rocky. Honestly, I don't do it on purpose, but I am making him miserable. The long distance part of the relationship makes me depressed and down about everything. And I go to my bf and I tell him because I thought that is what you do in a relationship -- talk.

I just need some tips from people who have been in an LDR for a long time.

How do you keep the relationship positive and fun?

How do you keep yourself from being down? [[Dont get me wrong, Im not miserable and crying 24/7, but I'm always just missing him and if im not thinking about him i just feel content]]

How do you pass the time from when you'll see your SO again? [[I know the majority of the people on here don't see there SO as much. I hate to say but I see mine every 2 wks for a day, and I feel like a wuss because I cant deal with that.]]

Any other advice would be great.

Thank you so much.

[Caity]

=) I've been doing this 7 years so i'm pretty experienced. What i try and do is keep myself busy so i don't get chance to think about missing my SO so much. By keeping myself busy doing things i enjoy it also means i'm keeping myself happy as well as making friends in the process. When I can't do this and my SO isn't online then i fill the time with homework, or writing him a letter or making/drawing him something.
We do quite alot of things to keep our relationship positive and fun. We're both avid gamers so sometimes we'll do that together, and beta test things together, talking over skype or msn on the headset at the same time.
Sometimes we do get down about being apart so long, but instead of dwelling on the negatives, we think on the positives and the sort of things that we're going to do when we meet and how exciting it will be. There's not really much we can do about the waiting, so we might aswell make the most of it and enjoy it rather than being down and gloomy.
I hope any of this has helped at all. =)

[aggie]

People are different, and deal with the distance differently... for some two weeks is ages, if thats what they have to deal with, and others (like me) think that 6 months is already sooner than we thought.
I think about T. most of the time. oh heavens, i think about him 24/7 and i would like to hang on the phone line for all this time. he, however, feels that constant communication after 2 years, that doesn't put anything new into the relationship, because we know basically everything about each other, so it would be just talks about your day/weekend/week ... bring him down because it makes him realize that im not there. It hurts me to know that he'd rather not think about me, while we're apart.... but anyways, that was just showing my point of two completely different ways.

It would be good if you could keep yourself busy - surely you have some uni/school work to do, maybe work?, sports?, dance classes ? something you always wanted to do?, make things for him, try journaling to get rid of the negative feelings... try to start feeling lucky that someone loves you so much they want to be in a long distance relationship for you. Write down all the memories, quotes, messages that make you happy and hang them around your room.

You could also try talking with your SO about the future plans, that always used to make things easier for me... but it didnt for him, as i found out later. It takes some time to learn that some things need to be done before you can be fully happy. Try to have your life, that you enjoy.

T. once told me that its important to be with the other for the right reasons : not because you cannot live without each other, not because you need to be with each other, but because you want to.

It's always hard to go to ldr from cdr... but hey, see, you're not alone. You can do it. Stay strong and positive, girl!

Good luck!

*hugs*

[Frank]

I am not suggesting not seeing him every 2 weeks, but maybe that is making your distance just a little bit harder? It is as if your mind can not totally get used to the idea of being apart when you are just counting down the days until the next time you see him? Again, I am not telling you to stop seeing him! ha, that is great you two get to visit so often, even for only a day.

Maybe one idea to avoid the "just talking about the day" is to consider talking every other day? This would give you more to talk about at one time, and it would be as if you are telling a story, not jut a recap of your daily routine. It is at least a different change in perspective. Otherwise, to avoid the "here is what i did all day" routine, try coming up with conversation topics so you can talk about those. Yes, I believe you talk in a relationship, but I think the biggest purpose of a relationship is to learn to understand the other, so simply recapping a day will only get you so far.

All I can tell you on keeping positive and fun is really be creative when you interact. And when you are apart, live your life. I feel you can't say "If only my BF were here". It only reminds you of the negative.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I go to the SO with EVERYTHING! =] I'm always texting him and calling. But when something happens him and my bff are the first people I think of and really want to share it with.

I just try to stay busy. I'm in college so it's not that difficult! =] Between work and writing all those lesson plans I don't have a whole lot of free time (besides the time I procrastinate on these forums that is )I also started a scrapbook a while back. Send him new pages now and then. It gives me something to do and while I'm doing it, it reminds me of all the really good times and just makes me smile. Worse comes to worse on those REALLY REALLY bad bad days I grab a bottle of wine and head over to the BFF's from a nice girl's night in-----lots of wine, some Across the Universe, and a little Blow (the movie) can make anything better. I'd give anything to see the SO every 2 weeks, then again it's been an LDR right from the beginning so we've never really had that much time together.

I do think Frank makes a point about 2 weeks not giving you time to cope with and deal with and get into the groove of things. We were never CDR. We get a week or two together every 2-4 months. And it still takes a full week or so to get back into the routine of being away from one another. So just as you're sort of getting into the groove of things you see him again. I wouldn't say don't see him either, by all means take advantage of that opportunity if you have it, but it could be contributing to you not getting into the groove of your LDR.

[JoMarie]

Maybe if you try seeing each other every 3 weeks, that way you can adjust to being apart a little better? Or maybe find something to do that you love doing in order to busy your free time a little better? Everybody is different. Sometimes you just need to try different things in order to find what works better for the both of you.

[agentholli]

ok, let me tell you girl. I have not met my SO in person yet. We have been talking for 1 year and 4 months and "together" for 4 months. For the past month or so, I have been non stop depressed about the distance and not being able to see him. I feel like it is going to be FOREVER before I see him. Sometimes if i let myself go so dark and deep into my bad feelings, I think that it will never happen. So...i have been trying really hard to think of things to do to not be so depressed about it. I don't know if this is going to help you or not, because our situations are different...but...
When I am feeling the distance so much that all I can do is cry i will
1. Listen to music that reminds me of him...happy music, not sad missing you music.
2. Surroun myself with my family and friends. (Sometimes though, when i get together with my family it makes me miss him more cause all I can do is think about how much i want him there with my family)
3. I look at his pictures that he has sent me....usually while I am listening to the music.
4. Watch my favorite TV show, do my homework, do something with my kids, just anything to try to take my mind off of it.
5. I also will do something, like go to the mountains or somewhere outside, this has been hard with the winter, but its getting easier now...and take a lot of pictures of me doing different things, or of the scenery that I think he will like. And then with windows movie maker, I put them into a movie with a song. My SO loves these.
I have also made myself a movie of his pictures, with the song "My Favorite Thing" by Benton Paul and I will watch that also when I am missing him. Because usually when I look at his pictures, I can't help but smile.
6. Then when it gets too bad, I will call him or text him. He knows that I am sometimes an emotional roller coaster (usually around my time of the month) and he just talks me through it...tells me how much he loves me and how hard it is for him also. Making plans of what we are going to do when he is here, or trying to figure out when we will be able to see eachother.

Like I said we aren't in the same situation, but I understand the emotions you are going through. If music is your thing, listen to the song "Glitter In The Air" by P!nk. I swear to you, that song always puts it into perspective for me. i love to drive and search out my feelings listening to that song on repeat. For me that talks about how it will get better, this is only the breathe, before the kiss. LDR's are hard, but like someone said above, feel happy that someone loves you...and try to focus on the positive. Maybe make a countdown or a chain or something for the next time you will see him, and put some hobbies or something into your life and when you get down, look at your countdown and say "ok..only 10 more days" and move onto your hobby...Good luck, I hope you can find something that will help you deal with the emotions of the distance.

[Mio]

Get new hobbies, join a club, get distracted!

[MadMolly]

You should definitely look into doing some social hobbies, I can't stress enough how much fun and how distracting dance classes are for me! I had two left feet and was pretty overweight when I started and now I'm not so bad.

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks so much everyone! After reading all these replies, it made me realize that there are ways for me to get through the distance. For a while, I thought breaking up was the best option because I couldn't deal with being sad or missing him all the time. Mondays & Tuesdays & Sundays are my shows, so those days are usually good. I joined a site called interpals.net so I am going to get into my hobby of making penpals ( I sorta put that on hold when I met my BF). Thanks so much guys. I love you!

[OneForTheRomance]

Don't forget that we are all in the same boat! That's what keeps me afloat!

haha .. lame <3