What happened to us...

[Emma-Louise]

So, my boyfriend and I have had this huge argument, that basically still hasn't ended. It's been going on for about 3 weeks, and I just want us to be, well, Us again. We're such a happy couple when we're together and usually fights are sorted. But I really think this could tear us apart. I wouldn't consider going on a break, because I know that would kill both of us, and breaking up is not even worth mentioning. But I need to find some way to rekindle what we had. Show him how much I miss us, and the way we were before we started this fight. He's starting to doubt my love for him, and it's never lessened. I love him more than anything in the world. He means so much. I just want to feel like we're us again. Like he still loves me unconditionally.

[LadyMarchHare]

If it's not too private, exactly what was the fight about? Was it about him doubting your love?

Is there anything you two used to do together, or something that reminds you of him or your relationship that you could bring up or re-introduce into the relationship? It would be something to get you close again and it would show that you care enough to remember stuff like that, plus it would feel like old times. I'm sorry you're stressed out about this argument, goodness knows I'd be pulling what little hair is on my head out after 3 straight weeks of it too.

[Mxchaela]

Yeah, I don't have any advice because I am currently rocking in the same boat. But I am here if you need someone to talk to.

[kiara_silver]

I can't really give advice since im not sure what the fight is about, but everyone in this site is really helpful and if you ever just need to vent to someone.

[jlb14]

When is the next time you will see your SO? I have found fights are fixed within minutes (or a few hours) when face to face again.

It is torture when this happens and you cannot see them. I went through this last week. I'm here if you need someone to listen.

[melpie]

I'm sorry to hear your going through a rough patch. If it's over some small thing I find it's just better to let the small things go. If, however, it is a bigger issue worth fighting about then I think it's best to sit down and talk about it with your SO. It's never easy when you feel strongly about something and they feel the opposite! But we are human and no two of us are exactly alike, soul mates or not. My SO and I have been is fights before, but we agreed, after our first fight that we would never go to bed until we figured it out. It might not be the easiest thing, or maybe not the smartest Idea beacuse sometimes we don't end up going to sleep till 4am... but that way you don't have to argue for days on end and you don't wake up grumpy I think the best think to do is probably just to sit down and have a conversation. Explain what you feel in your own eyes and tell him what you don't understand about his side, and what you do understand about his view. This way you let him know you hear him and aknowledge what he says even if you don't agree, you see where he is coming from. Arguments, though they suck, are actually healthy in small amounts. I hope it all gets cleared up soon!

[Semperfikindoflove]

I know how this is, maybe I can give you a bit of advice. My Marine and I (before he left for boot camp) fought at least three times a week. We knew we still loved each other which helped us get through it. After he got out of boot camp we had broken up (it was more like a break over a fight) this went on for four weeks. I had my doubts about how he felt, he had walked away from us because of his friends and because we had fought once since he got back from boot camp. I realized at that point in time that I loved him more than anything. I didn't know if he still felt the same. We got back together and now he questions if I love him because we get in a lot of heated discussions with him so far away. There's quite a bit you can do to show him you care. Here's what I did for four weeks that helped me rekindle what he and I had.

1. A text in the morning saying, "Good morning hun, I hope you have a fantastic day!"
2. A text through the day asking how the day was going
3. On a rough day I would remind him that I loved him
4. A text occasionally that said, "I know we have had our differences but I still love you more and more every day and I'm so proud of you."
5. Just constant texts that let him know you are thinking of him and that you love him regardless of the fight

Remember life is way too short to worry about fights, you only have one life to live. I know that when Mike and I fought all the time I constantly wondered if I would lose him from day to day, I found myself constantly questioning myself and my relationship. But I realized that when we fight we lost all of those minutes where we could have been happy. Don't spend your life or relationship like that. Good luck and let me know if you need anything!

[Emma-Louise]

https://members.lovingfromadistance....-need-opinions.

This is basically the post explaining our fight. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. =]

[LadyMarchHare]

I had a feeling it was that. Is he still against you going with the friend? I would have thought explaining it to him a few times would've lessened the upset, but apparently not.

[Deleted Account]

This is definitely not a small issue that you can just "wait it out". My suggestion is to really make him talk to you. Tell him how you feel, tell him you miss your closeness with him and that you want to everything to go back to normal. If he doesnt want to talk to you or anything, i suggest writting emails, making cute little notes, etc to get him to realize how you truly feel. Find the artistic side in you :P

btw, did you decide you if your going or not?

[Emma-Louise]

I want to go. Mostly because, he's been my best friend for basically EVER and I'll really regret not going. It's the last thing big thing we'll get to do together before he goes to college and is no longer my neighbour that I can call down to at the end of the day. My SO is just insisting that I can't possibly see it from his side otherwise I would have just said no. And far enough, if another guy, just randomly asked me, I would instantly have said no I'm in a relationship, but it's not just a guy. It's my best friend. I do not want to hurt anyone. Including myself.

[LadyMarchHare]

Has your SO tried explaining what this looks like from his side, if he sees it as a threat, possibility for cheating because you two at a time had a thing, etc? Because if it's just him saying "I don't want you to go, I don't like it" he's not bringing a valid argument to the table for you to even remotely peek in the window of his side. And frankly this is more about what you want than what he wants anyway because it's something you want to do and you would be with a friend. I don't understand the mentality of people who think just because there was something else there at one point in time that stringing up banners and putting on expensive clothes and makeup is going to instantly rekindle a flame that died long ago. I mean Jesus does he expect the refreshments to be spiked with date rape drugs?

My thought is, if he's making a huge deal out of this still after you've explained everything to him and expressed your desire to go then whatever problem he has is solely his doing and not yours. We can't control our SO's jealousy or their thoughts or their opinions, all we can do is try to find a compromise and he's not giving you leg room to do it. If, God forbid, he break up with you over this, what does that say about him? It says he's not willing to look past a petty issue and realize you're a good person that's not looking to hurt anyone. You're asking for one night with a friend. I'm wondering if he'd still be this worked up if it was something else, like a more casual affair/party thing. I'unno, to me there's a line between being jealous for good reason and being a jerk.