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**Zephii** · April 7, 2011, 08:24 PM

I think you need to calm down. It's possible that he say those things because he's disapointed you don't have the money to come sooner. Or perhaps he is nervous to see you! Or maybe just having a bad day or something. Don't panic yet

**LadyMarchHare** · April 7, 2011, 09:19 PM

I'm thinking wires got crossed in the translation here and he may have meant he wants to be on good terms with you, not necessarily saying that you were no longer together as a couple. I mean think about it, a relationship is essentially a friendship with a lot more attached, people refer to their SOs as their best friends. Why not want to be friends with them?

Basically I'm thinking this was a big misunderstanding. Just calm down and talk to him about it the next time you two talk and ask him what he meant, have him clarify so you're not left wondering.

**uniquefem** · April 9, 2011, 03:18 AM

Originally posted by Zephii View Post

I think you need to calm down. It's possible that he say those things because he's disapointed you don't have the money to come sooner. Or perhaps he is nervous to see you! Or maybe just having a bad day or something. Don't panic yet

We both are stressed out because this LDR. Lack of communication and his hard time trying to communicate with me with computer.

A friend of mine actually say something that made me realize maybe she's right.. she said maybe because my SO work with computer for 8 hours per day and its computer related, that's why he sound or felt cold when talking with me. He feels like he is working when he is actually talking with me.

He did choose calling from skype rather than chat. And what my friend saying is does made sense.

I still don't know why he changes... also.. first he insist that he will pick me up in Paris and we stay for at least 2 days there. But then he said, he is working and i should enjoy Paris by my self... *weep*

It will be different.. but i don't want to push him even further and let this cool a bit... i still confuse but i did react like nothing happened.. but i feel sad

**w.joseph** · April 9, 2011, 06:32 AM

Originally posted by uniquefem View Post

A friend of mine actually say something that made me realize maybe she's right.. she said maybe because my SO work with computer for 8 hours per day and its computer related, that's why he sound or felt cold when talking with me. He feels like he is working when he is actually talking with me.

I think your friend thinks right in this case. My man also had written me that his job was crazy and whenever he finished working he wanted to be away from the computer. He didnt check his emails, bec when he opens them, he feels like he is working. So, he needed to do other things to relax. I know it is hard to accept this opinion, bec I dont send him emails about job, but still it is their physchology and we should be patient, no other choice. I know it is hard...

**uniquefem** · April 9, 2011, 08:54 AM

Originally posted by LadyMarchHare View Post

I'm thinking wires got crossed in the translation here and he may have meant he wants to be on good terms with you, not necessarily saying that you were no longer together as a couple. I mean think about it, a relationship is essentially a friendship with a lot more attached, people refer to their SOs as their best friends. Why not want to be friends with them?

Basically I'm thinking this was a big misunderstanding. Just calm down and talk to him about it the next time you two talk and ask him what he meant, have him clarify so you're not left wondering.

I know what you're talking about here.. sure i would love to had my bf as a friend, and well.. you could be right too.. as both of us not a native english speaker sometimes we had some miscommunication because of the "cross wired" and get frustrated over it..

I will calm down, and i wont talk about this yet..maybe until i see him face to face.. so we wont had any misunderstanding or unfinished conversation

thanks!

**Joyce:)** · April 9, 2011, 10:20 AM

I am hoping that it's all a miscommunication problem, but it is weird that he didn't say i love you and instead said cheers.
as everyone else said, talk to him, figure out what is wrong, he should be more than excited, and not so cold!
i wish you the best of luck <3

**folclor** · April 9, 2011, 10:27 AM

my boyfriend did this to me when I went to see him for the first time. When I first got a job and started saving up for a plane ticket he was like, "I don't know if we should be... together... I don't like distance" and he broke up with me so when I went to visit him I was just his friend, except he wanted to do the same things we would otherwise and act the same as we would if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. ^^;

If you haven't met him in person yet chances are that he's trying to distance himself just in case you don't have chemistry IRL. If you've met in person before he probably is still scared. Give him the benefit of the doubt. But if he wants to be in the friend zone treat him like a friend and he may come around ^^;

**uniquefem** · April 9, 2011, 09:04 PM

Originally posted by w.joseph View Post

I think your friend thinks right in this case. My man also had written me that his job was crazy and whenever he finished working he wanted to be away from the computer. He didnt check his emails, bec when he opens them, he feels like he is working. So, he needed to do other things to relax. I know it is hard to accept this opinion, bec I dont send him emails about job, but still it is their physchology and we should be patient, no other choice. I know it is hard...

I always love "nerdy" guys.. short of turn me on :P but i never really date someone who really resemble to Bill Gates (quote my friend who see his picture) well... i think its right, and to be honest i don't want that happens..
I work in front of computer for 12 hours too as secretary. but well i could manage to split personal and work things.. maybe just different with guys.. he is a serious type of guy.. with the 6 hours difference its hard to find the right time to talk.. he will be at work when we chat.

Huuuffff... i guess i had no choice beside being patience (and i am not good at this-for him i'll TRY) we still new.. so i think we still need to try to understand each other more.. i just hope when i visit him we will know each other much more

Thanks..

**uniquefem** · April 9, 2011, 09:08 PM

Originally posted by folclor View Post

my boyfriend did this to me when I went to see him for the first time. When I first got a job and started saving up for a plane ticket he was like, "I don't know if we should be... together... I don't like distance" and he broke up with me so when I went to visit him I was just his friend, except he wanted to do the same things we would otherwise and act the same as we would if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. ^^;

If you haven't met him in person yet chances are that he's trying to distance himself just in case you don't have chemistry IRL. If you've met in person before he probably is still scared. Give him the benefit of the doubt. But if he wants to be in the friend zone treat him like a friend and he may come around ^^;

I met him before, we meet when we went on holiday, its unplanned event

I think the best way is to see what happen at the airport... if i only had the handshake.. well.. he will be the friend during the trip.. but if i had the hug and kiss... hahah.. i will talk to him about that then! We start this as travel buddy... and also i believe if we really meant to be, we will be all right again.. its just.. weird after we go this far.

I am flying over thousands kilometer for this guy by my self.... i hope he could see that i do this for him, for us

its bit scary and intimidating for me, cause no one i know did this! my mom and sisters think i am crazy because i did thios.. but for him, all cards on deck.. will do it or i will regret!

**princessmeg1328** · April 9, 2011, 10:00 PM

My SO and I met when I was on vacation also. He lives in England, and we have a 6 hour time difference as well. The first time I went to go visit him (which was our first visit after meeting), he had started pulling away before I left. Things were really awkward when I first got there, but we got used to being around each other again after a couple of days (we're both really kind of awkward people). After those first couple of days, things were good between us again. I would recommend just giving him some time. He might just need to be around you again to see that everything is ok. If after a couple of days things are still not what you expected, talk to him about it.

**uniquefem** · April 10, 2011, 09:52 AM

Originally posted by princessmeg1328 View Post

My SO and I met when I was on vacation also. He lives in England, and we have a 6 hour time difference as well. The first time I went to go visit him (which was our first visit after meeting), he had started pulling away before I left. Things were really awkward when I first got there, but we got used to being around each other again after a couple of days (we're both really kind of awkward people). After those first couple of days, things were good between us again. I would recommend just giving him some time. He might just need to be around you again to see that everything is ok. If after a couple of days things are still not what you expected, talk to him about it.

Thank you for that.. i feel relief somehow.. i don't know if this is happens to others too.. feel so strange and hurt when someone you love call you "friend". I will give him sometimes.. and yes.. you right .. i am planning those.. i am thinking i will spent sometimes with him, knowing him more... but if its not going as we plan before, i will try to enjoy the journey as much as possible.

I used to be a positive person, i just try to be on this one. I made back up plan.. seriously.. my main plan is to have fun with him, snuggle on couch all day doesn't matters... just be with him.. but if its not possible.. i am thinking exploring europe by my self...

but gosh.. even so hard to think about that.. but well.. we will see.. i hope it will be just like your visit! and it end well! wish me good luck with this ok?

..thanks!

**Summer** · April 10, 2011, 11:00 AM

I don't know your boyfriend, so this is a pure guess on my part, but a strong possibility is that he is scared. If you are spending all of your money to visit him, that is a HUGE commitment from you! He might not be ready to make the same sort of commitment yet. If that's the case, and he still wants to love you and be romantic with you but the commitment is too much for him (and you're okay with that), try to just keep it light-hearted. Don't frame it like you are spending all of your money FOR HIM, but frame it like this is something fun for you to do. He might be feeling like if you have done all of this, he is obligated to sacrifice a lot too, and that can be really scary. If you can make it like a "no strings attached" visit (as if you lived the next town over), maybe it will be less intense, and he will act more "normal."

Best of luck to you, and I think it's great that you have a "back up plan" - if he's a poop, no reason to waste a good Europe trip!!

**13000km** · April 10, 2011, 07:30 PM

There's something about a nervousness that makes people act weird. When I was preparing to fly 20 hours to meet my boyfriend, I pulled back, but not in the just friends way. I got really on edge and would pick fights with him, subconsciously pushing him away. He remained very supportive throughout that week, and I had friends accompany me the night of my flight. The nervousness kind of faded as I was preoccupied with getting myself on the right planes and such, and as soon as I saw the man standing in the arrival hall waiting for me, all of it disappeared.

I'm not promising you that everything's going to magically better. This period of time may be a little bit too pressurizing on both parties, and imo it's perfectly okay to keep a slight distance if it is required. If things are still a little awkward when you get there, use that to slowly get used to being around and showing affection towards each other again. I hope you have a very enjoyable trip!(:

**uniquefem** · April 10, 2011, 07:41 PM

Originally posted by Summer View Post

I don't know your boyfriend, so this is a pure guess on my part, but a strong possibility is that he is scared. If you are spending all of your money to visit him, that is a HUGE commitment from you! He might not be ready to make the same sort of commitment yet. If that's the case, and he still wants to love you and be romantic with you but the commitment is too much for him (and you're okay with that), try to just keep it light-hearted. Don't frame it like you are spending all of your money FOR HIM, but frame it like this is something fun for you to do. He might be feeling like if you have done all of this, he is obligated to sacrifice a lot too, and that can be really scary. If you can make it like a "no strings attached" visit (as if you lived the next town over), maybe it will be less intense, and he will act more "normal."

Best of luck to you, and I think it's great that you have a "back up plan" - if he's a poop, no reason to waste a good Europe trip!!

Summer! thanks for another "enlightenment". I do think i am not suppose to say anything about the money stuff to him. Yes, i've been thinking again and read what you suggest here, he is that kind of person, who doesn't want me to spent too much on my money, and let him do all (after all he is Russian guy-they want to do it all).

I did all of this because i don't want to fall to the well known Asian gf stereotype. Where usually the girl date a guy or chat and tell lies just to get a visa (yepp some girls did this mean thing). I want to participate in this, he did his part, and i want to do my part too. I just don't want it when his friend know where I came from and then start saying "this girl just using you".

I know it sound scary, the commitment i do on this, its just like betting all of my money on a gamble that i don't know if i could win.. but i think everyone here doing the same. I mean, if they had some money to visit their bf, they will use it because they really want to see him right? regardless what the outcome is.

I just feel that after all he did (he was the one who use to call me almost every time, and not let me do anything) i just want to chip in. I had the feeling he is feeling something as he still really care about my flights, the trains, and what he think about coushsurfing (he think its danger).

I will let this chill out, and yes! i will show him i am having fun!

Thanks again for the comments--i still not sure about this thought, but after you wrote it down, i feel more positive and try to chill out and enjoy the trip even more!

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Going to Visit my SO, but he went to "friend" mode...

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