Seems A Little One-Sided?

[jlb14]

What happens when you do a lot more for your SO then they do for you?

I'm in this situation and I think I'm beginning to resent doing things for him and getting nothing in return.

Let me explain. I would happily give good morning texts, little messages on facebook, and send him pictures to brighten his day. I even began sending him little challenges to bring us closer together. I love doting on him and it makes me feel like a great girlfriend.

Recently I have received nothing back. We had a talk about it last week and he has picked it up but I don't know if I trust it will get better. It always starts great a few days after I leave and then goes downhill when he gets wrapped up in his life again.

He has started texting me more and says as the days go on he will begin more forms of communication. Time will tell I guess.

I have stopped spending so much time letting him know how much I love him because I feel used. Why should I send I love you messages and take the time to create special gifts when I get a few texts in return? It even got to the point before our talk our communication would be three or four texts a day. I wouldn't text him in hopes that he would miss it and pick it up again.

He said this weekend seeing me was a wake up call and I told him he has one chance to prove to me that he wants this. I was crying telling him I feel like a friend and nothing more. I also feel like a bad girlfriend because I haven't done anything nice for him lately. (Besides spending $20 in gas every other weekend to see him).

Right now is difficult since he is in Houston for a volleyball tournament. Naturally he is going to be busy playing and hanging out with his teammates. This was a bad time for him to leave when he is trying to prove to me he will get better. I can admit that.

Has anyone gone through this? What do you suggest? Maybe i'm thinking about this all wrong so let me know. I can handle criticism.

I just miss my boyfriend and want him to show that he misses me too. I miss feeling special to him when we are apart.

[snow_girl]

I definitely do more little things like that for my Boyfriend then he does for me. It bugs me a bit, but I know he still misses me. I think just being a guy has a lot to do with it, they don't know how to express their feelings like we do. They honestly might not even think to do stuff like that and realize it makes us feel warm and fuzzy when they do spend the time doing that kind of stuff.

[13000km]

I had trouble seeing "proof" that my boyfriend loved me in the past. In this case (and with other relationships around me) it's usually not that the guy doesn't love his girlfriend, he just doesn't know what kind of things show his love or what kind of words to say aside from I love you. Although he may be thinking about her during the day, it doesn't occur to him to text her to tell her that he misses her. Who knows why. /:

What I've found works is to be blunt with the guy and tell him exactly what are the gestures you'd like to see to give him a little nudge to remind you. Say things like "I really liked when you sent me...", "Your i miss you text in the middle of the day made me really happy" and "it feels so nice when you...".

[Semperfikindoflove]

I agree that you should give him a nudge. Let him know what things you really liked and what things you would like him to do again. I guess sometimes men and women have different ways of showing they care. Sometimes he may think he's giving you enough attention but in reality he isn't. Give it time and keep reminding him that you need him to put in the same effort that you put into the relationship in order to make it work. I wish you luck, let me know if you need someone to talk to.

[Sav88]

Guy's are like that- mine is! But he's gotten better I must admit. He used to not send me texts when I'd send him one. I would feel a bit silly knowing he'd not reply to me when i'd still send him a message. But inside, I knew he still loved me and missed me, its just the fact they don't realise that such small things like a text saying "I love you" can make our day. I kinda think to myself, if he doesn't text me then that's okay, I know I've done my bit and there's always something further down the line he'll do that'll make me forget about his lack of communication and realise how small my worry was.

[jlb14]

How do you guys talk when apart? I feel almost like if he is talking to me I don't want to use it nagging him about this.

[jlb14]

I want to also point out everyone is amazing here!!

[Micah]

I feel the same way. I think it's a guy thing. Sorry to any guy reading that disagrees. I write my guy love letters, I always send him sweet text messages, I send him little things in the mail sometimes, etc. We don't use the internet for any sort of communication anymore, so our only method of communicating is by cell phone or by snail mail. He has sent me a few things but nothing compared to what I have sent him. We talk on the phone daily and he always tells me he loves me over the phone, but he's not really the romantic type. When we are physically together, he's really good at showing his love for me. He's just crappy at communicating it from a distance. That's why I am glad we see each other as often as we do because it gives me the reassurance I need. Otherwise, I don't think I could handle it. I have tried to express that I would like more letters and gestures. He always tells me he'd rather hold me in his arms than write a letter, that he is bad with words and never knows what to write. Plus, he is very dedicated to his job, so he doesn't have the down time like I do to do things. I guess I am in the category where I'd rather him do it because he wants to, not because I ask him to. Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

[kiara_silver]

I kind of think its a guy thing too. My SO is amazingly sweet but he's not every single day, he can go days without talking, or just get by with a simple message. And at times i feel a bit upset, like im not being given the love and attention i deserve. But i think guys think differently, as a girl we want more affection and attention. I don't think they mean to hurt our feelings. In my case i can't complain, hes doing more in the relationship by coming to see me this June. Lol so when hes busy or just not able to talk its upsetting but i feel guilty and like im not allowed to get upset . But i say be treated good know you deserve the best, but don't mess up a good thing. If he loves you, is faithful to you and doesn't cheat, and is there for the important stuff, then be patient and hold on. I hope things work out for you two.

[jlb14]

I never worry about him cheating. I know he is faithful so I am very lucky that I never have to think about that. He won't even dance with other girls if he goes out without me.

It sounds like I have the same issue everyone has. That makes me feel so much better! It makes me think I am normal feeling this way but also that my boyfriend is normal and not treating me any different then other guy. It probably helps our three year relationship is his first...Haha.

[kiara_silver]

No worries, it gets hard but as long as when you guys do talk you have good communication, and just let him know how you feel, but hang in there. Lol and aww thats sweet, and wow three years! Thats so amazing!

[Semperfikindoflove]

This is my Marine's first serious relationship and I really had to tell him what I wanted and now he just does it. I told him that I miss his texts and I miss the "I love yous" at the end of the day. He's been working on it. On days where he isn't rushed for work or training he will text me at 3 in the morning, I wake up and we talk a little bit which makes both of our days. I guess it's a matter of balance and learning. Once he gets the hang of it, he should improve but men and women think a lot differently. He may be thinking that he is showing you love but you make think he isn't. He may be content with one or two texts a day whereas you might be content with five to ten. It's again, a difference in genders. Sometimes with men you need to tell them straight up what you want which can be hard because sometimes we like to dance around the subject.

[Rugger]

I agree that it's a guy think. I am much more likely to send cute texts or pictures to him than he is to me. When he was living with me, I would leave him notes on the coffee pot that I loved him. He left me one. Guys are less familiar with expressing their feelings than women are. Sometimes they need a little nudge

[Insanity]

Definitely feeling this way and I'm at the point where I feel like he doesn't even try, I text him, send him msgs on fb, leave him offline messages and I'm the one who calls him. He doesn't even reply to the messages an at the moment we're lucky to talk 10 minutes a week. This has been going on for 5 weeks since I've come home and I'm at breaking point. I'm holding back from texting him and just telling him we have serious issues, I'm supposed to be calling him tomorrow and it's definitely all coming out then. If this is what things are like when we're apart, I can't do it, I rather be alone than feel like a doormat. I know I'm annoyed because he seems happy, I want him to friggen miss me, not be excited, makes me feel like I'm nothing to him. He doesn't even say he loves me or misses me anymore. It's hard because we're so good in person and before we meet we had a really great 4 months, but this isn't a relationship to me right now.

[His_Critter]

I am much more overtly affectionate and open about my feelings than Keeper is. But I know how he feels by things he says or links he sends me.... I can't force him to say or do things that make him uncomfortable and saying I love you or sending text messages like that are not his style. I have to remember he is who he is not who I want him to be.