LDR and Time for communication

[Amber]

I have been dating my SO for over a year now. We go in and out of a LDR; when we first started dating we were together during school, and then summer he left for an internship, then we were together for school and now this Spring semester I'm the one that left to pursue my Master degree in another city.

I guess the problem that we have is communicating over the phone. I like when he calls early before I go to bed, he waits until he is done with the entire day; which is past 12 at night. Then I'm tired and am not so happy to talk about my day. It's really odd then because I'll start waking up more and tell all sorts of stories and then out of no where he says "Well I'm tired, I better head to bed". Without making a comment about my story regarding my day. This leaves me wide awake and I have this feeling that my conversation was really really boring. So then I lay there just thinking wide awake what I did wrong. And I toss and turn EVERY night. Wanting to tell him that this makes me upset, but I'm not the person to nit pick at everything in a relationship, and it seems like I've been doing that a lot in my head lately.

I'm not sure how to fix this. If I don't talk to him then he thinks that I have something on my mind or that I'm upset about something. He will then ask over and over what I'm thinking. He also works for the baseball team for the school that I graduated at; so he travels to away games. Right now he is in another state. Its very common for him not to even call me at all. A simple text in the morning and night. I know that he has a lot of time during the day to step out and give me a call. I don't know.

He can tell me over and over that "this sucks" being apart, but I'm furthering my schooling. He needs to graduate. I would like him to stop complaining that it "sucks" over the phone that we are apart and I wish he would talk about other things. It just doesn't seem like we are the couple we used to be with talking about all sorts of random things.

I know that I should be talking to him about this, but it goes back to the nit picking issue. If you have any advice then please share! I'm up to any helpful hints or serious life help or realizations. Thanks so much!

[kiara_silver]

why not say i know and then try changing the subject. Be the one to engage with him. Since you tell him about your day and he doesn't talk much, ask questions, give him things he has to reply to, my bf's like that too sometimes, i talk more and he doesn't talk as much but if im quiet he notices and asks whats wrong, or tells me he loves me. So its kind of funny. So i'll ask him things, ask about his day, and he can give me a small one sentence reply and i want to hear more so ill keep asking, try to engage in conversation. Lol boys, there work sometimes haha but we love them anyways.

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with kiara. If you think he's not interested try turning the subject to him, ask him about his day, then you can relay a part of yours. If he begins complaining about the distance, tell him it's not forever and that you'll get through it and then either change the subject or just stay positive. Whenever my SO makes a comment about how bad things are, I tell him things will get better and so on. If I complain, he does the same for me. No use in both of you whining constantly about the bad part of the relationship, right?

As for the communication in general, perhaps try telling him it's more convenient for you that he call earlier even if he's still got things to do. If someone can drive, pick their nose, and talk on the phone at the same time they can surely do chores/general work/whatever and be on the phone. Express that you'd appreciate more calls as well, that they mean a lot to you to hear his voice rather than see text on a screen. That way it's not being nitpicky, you're giving a suggestion and encouraging certain behavior.

[Micah]

I think you just need to tell him that you want to talk earlier in the day. If he calls after you are asleep, don't answer it. Then if he asks why you didn't answer, tell him you were sleeping. Then, maybe he will get the hint that you want to talk earlier. Express that you would like more frequent phone calls earlier in the day. Or, just call him! Call him when you want to talk.... during the day, earlier in the night, whatever... The worst he can do is not answer! I used to always wait for my boyfriend to call, but then I decided that it's a two way street and I can call him too. My boyfriend is always happy to hear from me when I call, or if he's busy he just doesn't answer. Either way, it's no biggie.

I know that my boyfriend isn't a big phone person. We usually talk every night before bed, but if there are times where we are in a talking rut, we will take a night off from talking on the phone. We did this last night because he was working and I didn't really have much to talk about. Skipping a day gives us more to talk about the next time and we tend to have a more meaningful, engaged conversation. So, maybe if you took a night off every once in a while your boyfriend would be more interested in what you had to talk about the next night and, in return, he would have more to say.