Why doesnt he text/call me more often??

[ljw07e]

Im in a long distance relationship. I met him at a party and we have mutual friends that set us up. In the beginning, he was chasing me, showering me with compliments, texting me through the entire day. We've been dating a little over 2 months now and whenever we visit it each other its fantastic but its the times in between I dread.
I've voiced that I would like him to make more of an effort with our relationship and he seems to agree. However, he almost never calls me and texts me sporadically (maybe an hour or two) every couple days. I feel like I'm putting so much into this relationship and he's not reciprocating.
I really do love being with him but all I'm asking for is a little more effort. How do I get him to realize he needs to step his game up?
Should I bring up the possibility of breaking up? Give him an ultimatum?
also good to know:
this is my first relationship. It is his second but, he broke up with his first girlfriend because she was too "boring"
Thanks!

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I think it all depends on how you told him about the lack of communication, and also how busy he is. What's his schedule like? Also, if you were rude about the way you brought up the issue to him, that may have turned him off and made him feel as if he was being attacked. I'm not accusing you of doing anything wrong, we just need more details. Another theory is that maybe your "honeymoon period" is wearing off already. How often do you guys get to see each other? Hope I could help, but I just need to know a little more in order to really grasp the situation. For now, give him the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't sound like he's intentionally doing this, he may be busy, so I wouldn't break up with him over this.

[ljw07e]

I think it all depends on how you told him about the lack of communication, and also how busy he is. What's his schedule like?
He is slightly busy during the week with school and work but that has never been a problem before. When i confronted him about it he seemed to agree and saw where i was coming from. He said he just has trouble finding things to say. We are both very serious about eachother we've talked about a future together and i know he loves me. However his lack of attention when we are apart is really aggrivating. We see each other every 2-3 weeks and have met each others families. I was with him for all of spring break and we had such an awesome time but about a week after that he started this behavior. I talked to him about it on the phone and then this last weekend when he came to visit. I texted him sunday after he left and said what a great time i had and he didnt reply and he still hasnt contacted me at all since then.

[LadyMarchHare]

First off, NEVER use an ultimatum or threaten breaking up. Those are the worst tactics you could use.

Instead you want to encourage the behavior with positivity. "I know you're busy, but it really makes me happy when you text me during the day (or whenever you'd like him to) and I would appreciate if you would try to do that for me."

Also, he seriously dumped a girl because she was boring? If those were his exact words I'd take that as a warning flag on his personality.

[Micah]

It could be that he just needs a few days off from talking to get back into the long distance communication mode. My guy doesn't talk to me as much right after we visit because he's depressed that our visit is over and also because he really dislikes going back to communicating over the phone instead of in person. I have grown used to his behavior over the past 10 months and have just expected a decrease in communication after a visit for a few days. Perhaps that is what your guy is feeling.
Also, some people (like my SO) aren't chit-chatty. They don't feel the need to talk and text if they don't have anything to say. I felt this way with my boyfriend and I told him it's okay just to call and say hi and that's it... no big deal if he has nothing to say. We usually talk once per day over the phone, but sometimes if he's not too chatty or we don't have a lot to talk about, we just keep it short and sweet... a hi, how are you, and I love you, basically. At least then we have communicated. Also, sometimes my guy doesn't respond to my texts because he has nothing to respond to because my statement didn't really warrant a response, but if I make the text messages interesting or ask questions, then it gets him interested in responding. So, I try to keep it interesting and send him pictures and tell him funny things throughout the day, and he does the same to me to keep things interesting.
Either way, you should make it known that when your SO calls or texts that you really appreciate hearing from him. Hopefully that inspires him to step up the communication. If you need more, then you need to make him aware of that, but I think it should be done in a non confrontational, positive way, like LadyMarchHare said. Try to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Example: "I like it when you text me throughout the day and call me every night," instead of, "You don't text me anymore or call me enough!"

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I second everything that Micah just said! My guy gets kind of quiet after visits, too. I think it's because he misses me so much and because he's busy with his schoolwork and spending time with friends on his floor at college. It takes a bit of time to get back into the LD state of mind I've noticed.

[ljw07e]

thanks guys! I think im gunna try and give him space and make him contact me.