When your SO meets the parents and relies.

[Sav88]

So here's the thing. I just spoke with my SO about him coming to see me next month for 3 weeks and me going back with him to the UK for 2 years on my visa. I recently went to one of my Auntie's tupperware parties and before I left my Auntie told me she's arranging a fare well party for me before I go. Now, that's lovely and the usual things my family does because we're close. My SO doesn't have a large family but I didn't think he was so insecure about meeting some of my relies. When I went and visited him in the UK, he was nice and let me meet his folks and his siblings but no one else because he didn't want to make me feel bombarded. I personally, wouldn't have minded one bit if I met other people he knew.

So anyways, I brought this up in the conversation about the farewell party my aunties were planning to throw. And he asked me,"We're not meeting them all at once are we?" and I had to say,"Well, it's a party and I guess my auntie's and their hubby's and children will be there," and I felt the insecurity in him and I felt bad. I told him how my family works and how I will be gone for 2 years and they would love to see me off with a party. I reasurred him they're all nice people and he'd be fine. He just...gave me this feeling- especially his frowns when we cammed that I was pushing him to meet them all. I told him I have no control over this and he then started saying he'd be okay and all is well. But, since I got upset, he feels he's done something bad and now he's upset that I'm upset. I told him that I'm just feeling bad that I know it's uncomfy for him to meet all these people- I mean, yeah it could come across as scary when being in a new country and meeting a herd of people. I told him he won't be judged and I'd let him meet my Auntie's and their families in good spaces throughout his stay. And then he got insecure about that...I just thought that giving him the opportunity to meet them (maybe only for an hour or two) would calm him a little when it comes to this party- so then he'd have met them and know what they're like beforehand.

So I don't know what to do...I feel like I should ask my Auntie to not have the farewell and I'd just come over to their houses for lunch with him and that'd be it. But I really feel rude to say,"Um thanks for thinking of me so much to make a farewell party but can we not have it?"....

[Micah]

I think that you should still have the party. I am a pretty shy person and the thought of meeting a bunch of family members at once makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I have been in that situation before and I just put my feelings aside and went to the event, putting my best face forward. The reason why I put my feelings aside is because i knew my SO wanted to share me with his family, who he loved. It was important to him, as I am sure it is important to you for your SO to meet yours. I survived through it all and I am sure your SO will too. I bet he's just nervous and overwhelmed, but it's no reason to completely cancel the party.

[Deleted Account]

nah, he's going to have to meet them eventually... he'll be ok.

My bf had to meet my whole family when he came here during xmas.. and thats a lot of ppl.. he was pretty bombarded and i did feel a bit bad.. but the truth is.. its not like you can make him visit each of your family memebers a day at a time so that he'll be ok.. sometimes these things happen and you just have to go along with it. Also i dont think it would be nice to deny a farewell party that your thoughtful aunt decided to give you. Besides, what better moment to introduce him to your family than then?

best thing u can do is that when that moment comes, give him a BIG kiss, tell him you love him and no matter what you'll be there with him.

[snow_girl]

My boyfriend met mine at thanks giving, all 21 of them at once. Its a little scary I guess, I am going to be meeting all of his family when I go over there soon. Still have the farewell, its for you. Not for him, and it will be nice to see all your fam before you leave. Maybe get there early so that as people arrive you can introduce him one by one instead of arriving last to a room full of people.

[Riyko]

How about having him meet them over the 3 weeks he's going to be there before the party that way he can get comfortable around them before the party

[8000miles]

Well apologize and make sure he knows he hasn't done anything wrong.. and yeah still have the party. He's not going to die. These things always seem scary, but he'll probably enjoy it, and if not, he'll survive. And I think the family deserves to know who you're moving away with.

[mllebamako]

He's just nervous but he'll be fine. Like Riyko said, just make sure he meets a few of them in the time leading up to the party so he can feel more comfortable.
I met about 40 of my SO's aunts, uncles and cousins at one time. And I went and visited his immediate family ALONE for a week during a major holiday. I lived through it and it wasn't bad AT ALL.

[Sav88]

Yeah I left him a message on his FB and told him I loved him- just to give him reasurrance he's not upset me and my love for him hasn't changed. But yeah, if there's going to be a farewell party, he will live. I just need to reasurre him on the day.

[roosie]

How about having him meet them over the 3 weeks he's going to be there before the party that way he can get comfortable around them before the party

This ^

How often do you usually see your relatives? Do they just stop in? He must be scared if he feels he has to make a good impression, so maybe you could just tell him they might visit you but not make a big deal about it. (So don't let him know that they are all coming on next Wednesday just to see him ) I agree with everyone else, you should have the party. Just make sure he knows that you are going to be there to help him through it and that you are not going to leave him alone on any uncomfortable situation.

I remember when I saw my SO's parents for the first time.. A few hours after that we went to my SO's cousins wedding so I saw 1000 (seriously!) relatives at once. And none of them spoke any English except my SO, his mum and his English dad. I was completely terrified but I survived because my SO was there to support me and in the end I enjoyed the experience.

[Zephii]

I think he'll be ok Meeting the family is how you know the relationship is serious

I met most of Obi's family all at once because it was Christmas, though I did see his parents for five minutes on one or two occasions before that, but knowing these were people who didn't want me in their house just made it awkward! But meeting them all at once was ok. That first trip to Canada got rid of a lot of my shyness because I met someone new nearly every day it seemed! The thing is, you can't die of embarrasment. If a person just remembers to use their manners all else usually falls into place.

[Sav88]

This ^

How often do you usually see your relatives? Do they just stop in? He must be scared if he feels he has to make a good impression, so maybe you could just tell him they might visit you but not make a big deal about it. (So don't let him know that they are all coming on next Wednesday just to see him ) I agree with everyone else, you should have the party. Just make sure he knows that you are going to be there to help him through it and that you are not going to leave him alone on any uncomfortable situation.

I remember when I saw my SO's parents for the first time.. A few hours after that we went to my SO's cousins wedding so I saw 1000 (seriously!) relatives at once. And none of them spoke any English except my SO, his mum and his English dad. I was completely terrified but I survived because my SO was there to support me and in the end I enjoyed the experience.

My Auntie's don't visit me at home since their sister (my Mum) passed away. It's always been up to me to go and see them at their homes. So it's not often I see them, but they do call and ask if I can swing 'round for a visit. So Doug has no worries about strangers just showing up unannounced. I spoke with my Dad about the party and he said he had no idea about it and I told him my Auntie told me. So then he was like,"You don't really need one do you?" which was like..oh thanks! D: And then he said,"Who knows! you could be back within 2 months!" O.O wtf!? He's impossible.