Arguments.....more so when you're apart from your SO?

[dynomitegurl]

So I tend to have a lot more arguments with my boyfriend when we are away from each other. We rarely fight of course little things here and there when we are together. Does this happen to anyone else? I think it might be due to not being able to talk to one another face to face and getting our feelings out...i don't know maybe its just my relationship. Any thoughts or similar things that happen for others?

[agentholli]

I do not have the similar situation. Maybe the distance is hard and so you tend to let the frustration of that get into your converstaions. I don't know really what to say. I am sorry I don't have any advice really. I hope that you can work it out though, good luck!

[agentholli]

haha sorry...it didn't work at first...but i guess it really did. so you got two of the same answers from me..

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

We pretty much never ever fight. Before starting a relationship we were both very open and honest about things, and we both emphasized the importance of communication. It's important to us that we verbally express our feeling when we are annoyed (whether its something btw us or something else) or if we are upset about something. MOST of the time we do really great with telling one another just how we are feeling.

But I found myself almost trying to pick fights this week. Of course he doesn't buy into them. I think it's a number of things.
1) I was overhwelmed with school and taking it out on him. Then there were the little things (like a late call, playing his game instead of talking to me, etc) that might slightly annoy me. Well by the time we talked I was already beyond annoyed with school so those things just pissed me off. So I'd of course feel like I had to say something.
2) I do it without realizing it. It's when I'm really missing him more than usual. This is also usually the time he decides to not call/text as frequently. I think a part of me starts thinking that I'd rather be on the phone arguing with him than not talking at all. But I've been doing better at catching myself before that happens.
3) Sometimes I think a part of me thinks it would just be easier to be mad at him. Here I am just being miserable and absolutely missing him more than ever, and there he is just going about his business. Some times a part of me thinks it would just be easier to be mad.

Did you read the emotional stages of deployment.....military relationship or not, deployment or not, I'd imagine the emotions of any LDR are quite the same.

[garnet]

Yes. When we are together, things are like 99% bliss. When the distance starts to get to us, we argue, fight, have bad feelings, negative attitudes... it happens! LD is hard! Rane and I are very open too, but that doesn't mean that we don't go through these periods. In fact, we are just coming out of a major pissy stretch, lol. Things are a lot better now, but for a while, man, we were so tense and just every time we got to talk, it was to argue.
I think it's easier for couples who see each other more often. Every two weeks, every two months. Couples who have genuinely long waits in between seeing one another face different challenges. As do couples who haven't met in person yet.

The best thing I have found to do during these bad periods is to do something for Rane. For example during this bad period, I sent him a few snail mail letters, a gift, a few little trinkets inside the letters. I posted on our blog. I made digital scrapbook pages about us and posted them on our blog. You could also just send your SO an ecard, a random text, whatever. Just remind yourself of how much you love them, and that this rough patch will pass. They always do!

Oh and about face to face, are you two able to webcam? I am amazed at what a difference in our level of happiness as a couple is between weeks we don't webcam, and when we do have the time to. It helps a LOT.

[Alisz]

My theory is arguments seem to happen more often (and also are more petty and ridiculous) when apart because of frustrations with not being able to be intimate. I don't mean just sex, but like not being able to hug one another and touch them. It's rare for us to get into a disagreement over something, but it does happen. When it does we tend to talk about it and come to a solution, but often our moods have changed and we're not as content as we were prior. We pretty much distract each other away from thinking about it and soon we're fine and normal again. I think that wouldn't last nearly as long if we were closer. If we ended our little spats with a hug, then all would be forgotten and act like a sorta resolution and we could move on away from that topic quicker. And just generally there'd be little need to bring up those things because they're usually just very minor things.

I think also there are more misunderstandings without being able to see expressions or hear tone of voice. Since we're in different time zones, it's not unusual that sometimes I'm more tired than he is. I stay up because I want to talk to him longer, but my brain is tired and I don't have as much energy. He can't really see that I'm low on energy, so when he says something funny and I don't have much enthusiasm for it, it could be misinterpreted that I'm not interested. Yes, I could tell him I'm tired, but he'd insist that I go to sleep lol

Oh and about face to face, are you two able to webcam? I am amazed at what a difference in our level of happiness as a couple is between weeks we don't webcam, and when we do have the time to. It helps a LOT.

I agree. Webcam + voice chat does help A LOT. Sometimes we just turn it on to say goodnight to each other and it really lifts my mood up to see him and see him express his love than just hearing or reading it. ^^

[MadMolly]

We never fight at a distance but we seem to bicker about stuff in person a lot. I suppose its because at a distance he can't do the things that annoy me :P

[Zephii]

I'm with Molly. Obi and I bicker a lot more in person, but our communication is good and we work through this as soon as they happen, so bad feelings don't usually last. But his annoying habits (and mine!) are a lot more obvious when we're together!

[asianbarbie0917]

O goodness yes , I think mainly because it's alot harder fighting with them when u're looking at a loved one's face. Plus we also aren't allowed to see how our SO is reacting to the conversation so we may push a barrier or line that we weren't aware of. However if you develop good communication skills than I'm sure you can work it out.

[dynomitegurl]

I don't know I feel like the only real times we have any sort of argument is talking about the distance between us and how we are going to solve it! We are just now in the process...the very very early stages...haven't even filed yet just getting the papers around for the K-1 Fiance visa. So I guess it's a step in the right direction it just our arguments are about me wanting him to feel like there is a rush and get stuff done. He is leisurely about things but I am really on top of things...I don't know I guess we need to find a balance.

[So_Far_Away]

We bicker when together, but not in a bad way. When apart, we argue... and it's almost always something petty and silly. It's an old thing with us of 'how can we be so perfect when we're together and not when apart' ... Meh. My fault mostly. I'm a quiet person who just likes being together, so when IMing, it gets difficult lol.

[Mio]

I blame it on the frustration!

[ntenzer]

I can definitely relate. My boyfriend and I only fight when we're apart. I think it's because when we're together we want to make the most of it so our little fights don't turn into anything. I think it may also be because it's a lot easier to forgive someone when they're standing right in front of you. It's hard to get over a fight when my boyfriend can't hug me afterwards and tell me it's going to be okay etc.

[Bluestars]

I am not sure which way we fight more, but they are different fights from a distance vs. being in person. We went through a period where we fought a TON, but that was right when he moved to be with me and we were adjusting to being CDR. It was a drastic change and it took us a bit to get used to it. We fought a ton then because my SO wasn't happy with his situation and that made it harder for us to get along when he was miserable all of the time....However, it was also a lot easier to make up, because whenever we fought on the phone, he would drive an hour to come see me so that we could talk in person, solve the problem, and then cuddle. He ended up moving back because he couldn't find a job, and after that the arguing stopped for the most part.

Other than that, I tend to start our fights from a distance because a) I get paranoid/irritated very easily and b) my hormones give me horrible PMS that time of the month. We work those problems out very quickly though. We have had certain periods though where we DID fight because we missed each other and we were both really frustrated about not being able to see each other, so know that you are not alone!

In person, we do tend to bicker sometimes like Molly and Zephii mentioned, mainly when he drives tries to annoy me on purpose and I get really mad about it!

Arguing in itself isn't necessarily bad though, so you do not need to worry about it. What matters is that you communicate with one another to solve the problem. There also just needs to be a balance so that you are not fighting all of the time

[MeganK]

I seem to argue with my bf alot more now that were apart as well,
i dont understand why, its taking a toll on both of us,
hes coming out in just 3 weeks, and hes staying 2 weeks.
i need advice on what to do.
how can we stop the bickering and just be happy?