hi there, im going out on a limb to even post on this forum, but i feel pretty desperate right now, and in an unhealthy way. i know this post is ridiculously long and i should probably just summarize it, but i feel like its all important and is even helping me to type. this probably sounds cliche or whatever, but i lost what i truly feel to be the love of my life, and now we are in limbo , but i cannot see myself living without her. i know thats like relationship withdrawal stuff, but we had made alot of life plans and really ive never met someone so perfectly in tune with me.
so i have this girlfiriend, were like perfect and all that good stuff. we love eachother more than we have anyone before, click perfectly, finish eachothers sentances, and know eachother inside and out, blah blah you get the point, its perfect. then with her school, she starts to talk to me about studying abroad in south america. she says if she does, she will be gone for almost 5 months, which was really long considering we were together everyday. we talk about it honestly and i support her, but know that we will miss eachother alot. about a month before she left, the relationship got stressed a bit but things were still good. i was fully supportive of her choices and she didnt know if she really could leave her life behind for that long because of how hard it would be. it was difficult to let her go, but when she left, we were 100% still in a relationship, had plans and were happy with that.
when she left we talked about twice a week, and things were good. she seemed overrwhelmed with the extreme life change where she was, but she was fine and our relationship seemed fine. where she was seemed like night and day different to the states, and i could tell she was happy where she was, but was definitely dealing with almost culture shock or something. then as a month goes by our phone calls end up bumming her out a little afterwards. she told me its because she wanted to share all of what she saw with me, and i couldnt be there, and instead i would always say, i love and miss you and all that stuff. she asked if i could fly down there to visit her, and i really considered it but sort of walled it off in my own mind because i have a job and am in school and honestly didnt know if i could even afford it. i told her all this, and (not until recently) she told me that i kept stressing out about the money and stuff, and didnt really show her i wanted to come. i think that upset her more than i knew at that point, although our conversations were still all lovey dovey. after this point she began distancing herself emotionally and she became less available to talk. when we would talk she would talk about how stress and everything just melt away where she is, and everyday life back home seemed to her to be increasingly more stressful and it reached a point where she wanted to extend her travels because she did not want to come back home. i took this more personally than i should have and think i treated her like she didnt want to come home at all, and again i came at her with the i love you miss you stuff. it seemed like she was magnifying all the negative stuff about our relationship, some of which seemed so miniscule, and all the good stuff back home wasnt really remembered. then she took a week long trip to a tiny village, like really tiny in the jungle and met this guy. they didnt hook up yet or anything, but really had a connection. she gets back to where she was staying and we talk, and everything seems normal... i dont think that this guy was even worth mentioning to her yet,, but we have a rocky conversation where she is distant, and im telling her how much i miss her and love her. we dont talk for like a week, and when we do she says she has to go. i finally talk to her and she seems off. like so distant that it was like a business call. i call her the next day and its the same. i know her well enough and she is honest and i asked her if she met someone else. she told me yes, that she ran into the guy she met in the village when she was in the city a few days ago. he is loosely involved with part of her study abroad program, so it wasnt like they met again just to hook up. so she cheats on me, and they do hook up for 2 nights and talk about life and all this deep stuff and really seem to hit it off, even though they are from opposite worlds and share almost nothing in common.
part of me sees her relationship with this guy as a tie down there she is making to be able to have a reason to go back. she sees how unrealistic having any real realtionship with this guy is, but that is all her heart wants, like she really digs this guy even if it is a fantasy. she tells me this more or less, most of it i figured out, but am not jumping to any conclusions. when she told me about cheating, i wasnt yelling or anything but i more or less begged her to come back to me, which she really didnt expect.. im totally heartbroken, my world seems shattered, and she feels numb and like she lost her love for me before this happened. im a cryin wreck, and she feels bad for hurting me, but feels no guilt for cheating. i keep catching myself apologizing to her for little things or like things i shouldn't even be sorry for, which i know is getting really old for her. i know she still cares about me, but she says our spark is gone and she no longer loves me. since then ive poured my heart out to her, explaing what i think she is dealing with, what im dealing with and how devastated i feel. i call her probably too much and we talk about all this, and im trying to see if she still loves me and what the chances of us picking up the pieces are. she says she needs space, and still havent given it to her. i found a cheap plane ticket with a discount and asked her if she would like to see me, but she doesnt know if it will be good or bad. i would go if she didnt pursue the other guy more, but also dont know because my reasons for going are purely to save us now. i dont know what it is because i have pretty good self esteem, but all i can think about is getting her back.
she still has a month and a half out there and we are broken up although she wants to figure herself out and considered seeing if she had love for me left when she gets back, although se seems doubtful. we have too much stuff back here together to even think about avoiding eachother upon her return, but we do not live together. she also doesnt know if she is going to see the other guy again, and i can tell she really wants to in her heart.
all morning i have been looking at plane tickets and stuff and am thinking this is a really bad idea. i have talked to her about all of this, barring no emotions or feelings to her. i wouldnt leave here to see her for another month, but i dont know what to do. i would go, but not if we are in the same emotional situation we are now when it comes time to leave. i think i should give her space, but also do not want to because i feel like if she knows how i feel, maybe she wont see this guy anymore. i can tell she is hurt because she wants to share her experiences with me. i am supposed to talk to her tonight but i think that distancing myself and giving her time is a better idea, although i will lose any feeling of control over the situation, not that i really have any.
ive never felt so torn up inside and have been thinking whats best for me. i know i dont deserve this, but also i know when she gets back i will try to see whats left. at this point, honestly ill still do anything to get her back. i cant just move on, especially because she wont get back for a month and a half, and our lives here at home are so intertwined.
any advice in any corner of my issues would be appreciated, and thanks to anyone who sat though that essay.
so i have this girlfiriend, were like perfect and all that good stuff. we love eachother more than we have anyone before, click perfectly, finish eachothers sentances, and know eachother inside and out, blah blah you get the point, its perfect. then with her school, she starts to talk to me about studying abroad in south america. she says if she does, she will be gone for almost 5 months, which was really long considering we were together everyday. we talk about it honestly and i support her, but know that we will miss eachother alot. about a month before she left, the relationship got stressed a bit but things were still good. i was fully supportive of her choices and she didnt know if she really could leave her life behind for that long because of how hard it would be. it was difficult to let her go, but when she left, we were 100% still in a relationship, had plans and were happy with that.
when she left we talked about twice a week, and things were good. she seemed overrwhelmed with the extreme life change where she was, but she was fine and our relationship seemed fine. where she was seemed like night and day different to the states, and i could tell she was happy where she was, but was definitely dealing with almost culture shock or something. then as a month goes by our phone calls end up bumming her out a little afterwards. she told me its because she wanted to share all of what she saw with me, and i couldnt be there, and instead i would always say, i love and miss you and all that stuff. she asked if i could fly down there to visit her, and i really considered it but sort of walled it off in my own mind because i have a job and am in school and honestly didnt know if i could even afford it. i told her all this, and (not until recently) she told me that i kept stressing out about the money and stuff, and didnt really show her i wanted to come. i think that upset her more than i knew at that point, although our conversations were still all lovey dovey. after this point she began distancing herself emotionally and she became less available to talk. when we would talk she would talk about how stress and everything just melt away where she is, and everyday life back home seemed to her to be increasingly more stressful and it reached a point where she wanted to extend her travels because she did not want to come back home. i took this more personally than i should have and think i treated her like she didnt want to come home at all, and again i came at her with the i love you miss you stuff. it seemed like she was magnifying all the negative stuff about our relationship, some of which seemed so miniscule, and all the good stuff back home wasnt really remembered. then she took a week long trip to a tiny village, like really tiny in the jungle and met this guy. they didnt hook up yet or anything, but really had a connection. she gets back to where she was staying and we talk, and everything seems normal... i dont think that this guy was even worth mentioning to her yet,, but we have a rocky conversation where she is distant, and im telling her how much i miss her and love her. we dont talk for like a week, and when we do she says she has to go. i finally talk to her and she seems off. like so distant that it was like a business call. i call her the next day and its the same. i know her well enough and she is honest and i asked her if she met someone else. she told me yes, that she ran into the guy she met in the village when she was in the city a few days ago. he is loosely involved with part of her study abroad program, so it wasnt like they met again just to hook up. so she cheats on me, and they do hook up for 2 nights and talk about life and all this deep stuff and really seem to hit it off, even though they are from opposite worlds and share almost nothing in common.
part of me sees her relationship with this guy as a tie down there she is making to be able to have a reason to go back. she sees how unrealistic having any real realtionship with this guy is, but that is all her heart wants, like she really digs this guy even if it is a fantasy. she tells me this more or less, most of it i figured out, but am not jumping to any conclusions. when she told me about cheating, i wasnt yelling or anything but i more or less begged her to come back to me, which she really didnt expect.. im totally heartbroken, my world seems shattered, and she feels numb and like she lost her love for me before this happened. im a cryin wreck, and she feels bad for hurting me, but feels no guilt for cheating. i keep catching myself apologizing to her for little things or like things i shouldn't even be sorry for, which i know is getting really old for her. i know she still cares about me, but she says our spark is gone and she no longer loves me. since then ive poured my heart out to her, explaing what i think she is dealing with, what im dealing with and how devastated i feel. i call her probably too much and we talk about all this, and im trying to see if she still loves me and what the chances of us picking up the pieces are. she says she needs space, and still havent given it to her. i found a cheap plane ticket with a discount and asked her if she would like to see me, but she doesnt know if it will be good or bad. i would go if she didnt pursue the other guy more, but also dont know because my reasons for going are purely to save us now. i dont know what it is because i have pretty good self esteem, but all i can think about is getting her back.
she still has a month and a half out there and we are broken up although she wants to figure herself out and considered seeing if she had love for me left when she gets back, although se seems doubtful. we have too much stuff back here together to even think about avoiding eachother upon her return, but we do not live together. she also doesnt know if she is going to see the other guy again, and i can tell she really wants to in her heart.
all morning i have been looking at plane tickets and stuff and am thinking this is a really bad idea. i have talked to her about all of this, barring no emotions or feelings to her. i wouldnt leave here to see her for another month, but i dont know what to do. i would go, but not if we are in the same emotional situation we are now when it comes time to leave. i think i should give her space, but also do not want to because i feel like if she knows how i feel, maybe she wont see this guy anymore. i can tell she is hurt because she wants to share her experiences with me. i am supposed to talk to her tonight but i think that distancing myself and giving her time is a better idea, although i will lose any feeling of control over the situation, not that i really have any.
ive never felt so torn up inside and have been thinking whats best for me. i know i dont deserve this, but also i know when she gets back i will try to see whats left. at this point, honestly ill still do anything to get her back. i cant just move on, especially because she wont get back for a month and a half, and our lives here at home are so intertwined.
any advice in any corner of my issues would be appreciated, and thanks to anyone who sat though that essay.
if you do that that'll turn her on and drive her crazy 
she'll want to come back to you and do all these crazy things! That's how women are seriously! So just let her go and don't give her the time of day and you'll see once she's dropped that spicy tamale she'll come right back to you! 
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