Already Having Doubts

[yanks12025]

Hello,
Quick background, we've only been seeing each other/dating the last month. I live in the USA and see lives overseas. Now when we first started seeing each other we chatted alot cause we were both on Spring Break(Both college students), but now that our time is limited we rarely can chat. But the reason im starting to having doubts, is I have kind of met a girl somewhat local to me( 1 1/2 hour away), and i like her and all. But deep down i want to stay with the one overseas because we get along better. But then the thought comes into my mind whether we will really work or not. Will be beable to meet in the future or not. I really care for her and i know its stupid but if i had my visa and no classes, I would have flown out their even though we brely know each other. Thanks for any advice.

[snow_girl]

I've had small crushes on people close by, but within a day the feeling has past. My feelings for my SO always come out the winner. Just because you meet someone doesn't mean those feelings will last. Perhaps shes appealing to you because she is close distance and it seems easier. If you really care for your girlfriend then why would you ruin that over something that might not last a week or so?

[LadyMarchHare]

You're pretty early into the relationship and you've already figured out the hard part of not being able to get to her as quickly as you might this local girl, especially with communication dwindling due to, I'm guessing, your classes and whatever life she has where she is. It's fine that you get along with the girl closer to you and maybe have some slight crush as 1 month is not really enough time to establish where the relationship is going and how serious it is, but if you want to stay with the girl overseas you may have to distance yourself from the other one to be fair. If you don't know the girl who lives an hour and a half away from you any better than the girl you're with, I don't really see the point in leaving the relationship you're in for the novelty of a closer distance. But, there are people who need some brand of physical affection and if they can't get it they will wander away from where they are because that need can't be met or can't be met often enough to justify staying, in their minds.

If you really want to stay with the girl you are with, make greater effort to have more contact. Schedule a date night, schedule times when you're both available to talk, send her e-flowers, stuff like that. Because if it's the lack of communication that's setting these doubts, then correct it.

[yanks12025]

Hello Again,
We'll I now believe that i care for both of these woman the same. I've known them for about the same time, but only gathered feelings for the one lately. I didn't want this to happen, and now im torn between two things. Before this i couldn't even get a girlfriend for the last 20 years of my life and now i have to decide. Seems nothing comes easy in my life.

[LadyMarchHare]

I think there's only a matter of deciding if this girl closer to you returns your new-found feelings. If this chick thinks of you as only a friend or doesn't consider you a candidate for dating, then there's really nothing to decide over, you've got a girl. Now if she DOES return your feelings regardless of whether or not she knows about them, then yeah I see a minor problem especially since you're claiming they both have equal standing in your heart.

I guess it pretty much comes down to one question: if they both left your life tomorrow and never came back, who would you miss more? Whose absence, both physical and emotional, would hurt you more? Think it over hard, and if you can't honestly say who, well, maybe you're better off being single until you can figure that out. I'm only suggesting that because I believe if you're honestly harboring more than some school-yard crush on this other girl it's not fair to the one you're with now to give her only half your heart and this other girl the remains. Most relationships mean being monogamous, totally faithful to one person, heart and all. If you can't honestly do that, then spare both you and her the drama before it gets way serious.

[yanks12025]

Never mind, I'm staying with my SO. Cause i realize that I cared for her more than i thought. Thanksfor the advice.