Does your family disagree with your LDR choice?

[Alisz]

I know I've mentioned this before, but I've been given more doses of it the past couple days... It drives my bf kinda crazy cuz I keep ranting to him about it and it doesn't change. And I fear it distills some confidence in him to come visit. But does anyone else have family that doesn't agree with LDRs? How do you deal with it? Do you just ignore them or do you stand up to them?

My family doesn't know about us because I haven't the courage to tell them yet because of their opinions on LDRs... They just don't understand it and don't want to. They just don't agree with the idea of it. My aunt was telling me that I should meet more people (she meant 'guys', I'm sure) and tacked on "that are closer and in the city." I had a LDR and they knew about it. I thought they were accepting of it, but it's like they think it ended because it was a LDR. Which wasn't the case at all. I didn't explain it to them cuz it's frankly none of their business.

It's just every once in awhile I hear comments that the internet is just a cesspool of bad people. And that LDRs can't work out. And that you can't be in a LDR and be in love. All this nonsense. But there is clearly no way that I can change their minds about it. I know when I do finally tell them that they'll be happy for me and support me in their own little way. But I'll continue to hear things like "how do you know he's not cheating on you?" and "wouldn't you be happier with someone closer?" It drives me crazy and, truthfully, their close-minded attitude is embarrassing and hurtful.

[ErinKristine]

I'm sorry you have to hear comments like this, it must be very discouraging.
I haven't had experience with this because my SO and met in person and my family approves of him/the relationship.
Since they don't know about your relationship yet maybe arrange for him to visit and your family can meet him, sometimes feelings can change if they actually know the person you're involved in.
I do do hear comments about how do I know if he's being faithful, why would I want to put myself through not seeing my SO everyday, etc. One time of my friends was even talking about how she went on a few dates with someone she met during a summer internship and how she just didn't want an LDR once the summer was over and some other things like the comments above and I just gave her this flabbergasted look and she immediately realized what she had said and was like "well you knew going into your relationship he was the right guy for you and I just didn't feel that with him"
All in all you just have to ignore the comments and trust your heart.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I've got it bad too. When my parents knew I "liked" my SO, they were like, He's too old, he's far away, LDRs never work, he can be your penpal but not your boyfriend. People teased me about my "California boyfriend" when it got out in the open, and we weren't even dating or exclusive then. I couldn't take it, he didn't like it either. So I just stopped talking about him altogether. =S It hurts, but I know my parents would never approve or would stalk my texts/IMs to figure out what we talked about. They certainly wouldn't let me visit him or vice versa. It's just hard keeping a secret like this. >.< I wish they would understand, but they've proven they don't.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I'm very sorry they are not willing to be more understanding. Family can be such a great support system. The SO is actually from around here, well about 2 hours away. We're LDR because he's in the Army. He came home for 2 week block leave from Iraq Jan 2009 and that's when we met. We met out, exchanged numbers, then met another day for coffee. I had some prior plans and had to get home, but he was so eager to spend more time with met he came right home and met the parents that night. We were basically inseparable the next few weeks minus my work hours and a couple of days he spent with just the guys or his dad. So we met in person first, and the parents met him the first day we really hungout. They absolutely love him and he'll be out of the Army next March. They were never against it, but my mom did make comments those first weeks about the distance, and if I wasn't serious not to lead him on.......that was about the extent of it! I wish I could give advice on giving them insight, but I have nver experienced this. *HUGS*

[folclor]

I don't know as of yet. ^^; We'll find out in May/June-ish. I know when I told my mom I was talking to Alex originally she got really upset and asked me if I was going to date him online and I told her I didn't plan on it (I didn't, it happened anyway, despite his best efforts not to. Those failed miserably, btw). She asked me what happened if I liked him and we met up and he asked me out. I said, "Well, then it'd be long distance and not online, wouldn't it?" She seemed put off but not upset so I hope she'll accept it when I tell her after the trip. ^^;

[xGabbriela]

My parents dont approve at all...
and my dad constantly tells me that he is prob. with other girls, and im imagining a relationship. He's only recently stopped saying these kinds of things, though he still wont let me go see him.
These comments are hard to deal with, but it's even harder because I cant talk to any of my friends about it eithere, they seem to share my dads opinion.

[So_Far_Away]

My parents approve, but my housemates (i'm at uni and houseshare with 'friends') do not. They have met him, and just think he'll hurt me one way or another, so they don't like him, and don't like him visiting. It's not as bad as if my family diapproved, but it's still not too good - neither of us feel comfortable with him being here when they are.

[Italia10]

For some reason I thought I was the only one that went through stuff like this! I have avoided one of my Aunts for the entire time my SO has been away because of the crap that she says about the relationship. Her negative comments are mean and hurtful and altho I should ask her to stay out of it or keep her comments to herself, she is the type of woman that would ignore me and continue with the negative stuff. Soooo I just avoid her. My parents have been amazing tho. They miss my SO too because they are close to him as well. Sometimes they SKYPE with him just to catch up!

[William]

My family warned me, but also admitted that I was the only one capable to balance the pro's and con's since I knew the girl. They are happy with my choice and see that it has made me happier; they also told me that I have picked a very fine girl.
Same goes for my friends; they have also seen me grow.

I'm glad I've been able to push the boundaries of what's acceptable (she's 8 years older), and that people have still accepted it.

@ Italia10: That's great to hear! And you don't need your aunt's acceptance, do you, her loss...
I'm also becoming good friends with my SO's sister. She is like my SO in a lot of ways, so it's not surprising. We have a clear understanding though; there is only one Nr.1

[SnowDust]

My family is extremley supportive, but I know this has a lot to do with the fact that my Boyfriend and I have been together in person for a long time before he moved. We own property together and his leaving was only due to work. My family will vacation with us, and is always supporting us seeing each other. Its nice that they are so great about it. I dont know how they would react if it was someone they didnt know, but my S/O is practically a member of the family now, so theres no reason for them not to be supportive.

[totalspiffage]

My father(who I live with) doesn't know. My mother(who lives in England) knows a little, but not how serious it is. My dad would probably smash my computers and all communication devices. I met my SO on the internet. And we've met. But I snuck around. My family would probably disapprove. Although my dad wants me to go out with someone and is always asking if I'm a lesbian. -_- The people who do know are understanding and some have LDRs of their own. But a few still think I'm crazy. It really hurt when my best friend commented on someone else's relationship while I was in the car with him. He said "I just don't get why a person would waste their time on someone so far away. It's such a drain. They act like no one around them is good enough." My reply was "Tell me about it." and then he figured out what he said. I just couldn't believe that's what he really thought. It's really hurtful that people would doubt a relationship like that.

But since i'm in high school everyone around me has these three month flings and casual relationship. I've never had that, and I kind of wish I'd had, just for the experience. For the longest time, I refused to tell anyone about my SO, then slowly it started to leak out. Still only a few people know. I think I'm scared that something will go wrong and everyone will say "I told you so."

[woop woop]

I met my boyfriend in person - but randomly one night in a night club, so wasn't too keen on telling my parents. I think they were just glad I had met SOMEONE. But they are very supportive about the distance - they were long distance, so my dad likes to sympathise with me sometimes.

[Erika]

I'm very lucky in that my parents are very supportive. I was with my SO for 6 weeks, and my parents had a chance to meet him there and really liked him.

I certainly believe that family is a huge influence on LDR, and I would have given up a long time ago without them rooting for me.

[LuckyFin]

I know I've mentioned this before, but I've been given more doses of it the past couple days... It drives my bf kinda crazy cuz I keep ranting to him about it and it doesn't change. And I fear it distills some confidence in him to come visit. But does anyone else have family that doesn't agree with LDRs? How do you deal with it? Do you just ignore them or do you stand up to them?

My family doesn't know about us because I haven't the courage to tell them yet because of their opinions on LDRs... They just don't understand it and don't want to. They just don't agree with the idea of it. My aunt was telling me that I should meet more people (she meant 'guys', I'm sure) and tacked on "that are closer and in the city." I had a LDR and they knew about it. I thought they were accepting of it, but it's like they think it ended because it was a LDR. Which wasn't the case at all. I didn't explain it to them cuz it's frankly none of their business.

It's just every once in awhile I hear comments that the internet is just a cesspool of bad people. And that LDRs can't work out. And that you can't be in a LDR and be in love. All this nonsense. But there is clearly no way that I can change their minds about it. I know when I do finally tell them that they'll be happy for me and support me in their own little way. But I'll continue to hear things like "how do you know he's not cheating on you?" and "wouldn't you be happier with someone closer?" It drives me crazy and, truthfully, their close-minded attitude is embarrassing and hurtful.

I think we got a little bit away from offering you advice, but I'd just like to share that maybe your family says some of these comments such as "LDR's can't work out" and "meet someone closer" because they know that you were once in a LDR and saw that it ended, that you were hurt. Perhaps they're making comments like this because they are trying to help you out, by giving you whatever advice that they can and yes, they probably DO think that your previous relationship ended because of the distance and yet you've never corrected their assumptions. I think everyone here at some point deals with some form of stigmatization due to their relationship and so the best advice I can give you is that you're not alone. If your family gives you a hard time about your relationship remind them that it is your life, not theirs, and you would appriciate it if they kept their mouths like their minds: closed. In time, if it's meant to be, they will see that. But try to not let it get you down too much

[agentholli]

I am also sorry that you do not have the support. When they make comments just remind them of the good things about your relationship and how he has helped you grow as a person, and that you would like the comments to stop. Maybe tell more people about him and how he makes you feel then Maybe offer for them to talk to him on the phone or something, to get to know him a little bit more and that may help them see just what a great guy he is.