anxiousness during visits?

[jenny_ell]

Does anyone else get extremely anxious during visits with your SO? Whether you are visiting them or they are visiting you.

I always have extreme anxiousness whenever I am visiting my boy or when he is here visiting me. Our visits last about 10-14 days. For the first 5 or so, I feel fine and think "there are so many days left!" but as the count starts getting smaller I get anxious and count in my head every night how many nights are left and make a calender in my head and imagine myself all alone the night after he leaves. All I can think of when I am with him is not being with him and being alone and upset. I have told him and my mother about it and all they say is not to think about it and I've tried so hard, its literally impossible. I know I can't get it to go away, but I'm sure other people have the same problem, and I was just wondering...

[Rach321]

I used to do that too. Then I realized how much I missed out on during my visits because I was so worried about being apart. The key is to really control those thoughts. When you start to feel that way, recognize it, and then distract yourself. Think about something positive. It's not impossible to stop. You can't stop the thoughts from popping up, but you can decide not to focus on them. Eventually, they will stop affecting you so much.

Hope that helps!

[LadyMarchHare]

The first night of our first (and so far only) visit I was actually surprised I wasn't anxious. Until he pointed out I was trembling like I had nerve damage in every inch of my body. I never focused on when he'd leave, though I was pretty unhappy when he did, but that's normal.

It's very common to think ahead to the time when you have to leave and be alone again, but it's seriously mind over matter. Distract yourself, force your thoughts on something else, basically have an internal battle because you're not doing yourself any favors by worrying about tomorrow, today because then you look back and realize you didn't get the most out of the time you had because you were so focused on the negative. Look into something called Cognitive Thinking, it's basically stuff to help you get better hold of your thoughts and keep them positive or at least from getting out of control. It's definitely worth a try.

[squeeker]

Yeah, I had my first visit with my guy this past November and I remember starting to realize there was only so many days left, and started getting anxious about it but then I think I remembered people talking about that on here and I forced myself to think about other things and not think about it and enjoy my time with my guy as much as I could and I was usually able to do pretty good I think. So even though it's hard, just distract yourself, think about how much you were looking forward to the visit and enjoy every minute together! Don't let yourself dwell on the negative thoughts, because it's not "less than a day left to spend with my SO "... it's "yay, still 14 hours to spend enjoying the company of my SO!! " I don't know if that helped, but I thought I'd try and help out.

[princessmeg1328]

I'm usually pretty good about not thinking about how much time is left until that last night we have together. Then I feel like I have to let him know just how I feel which I do. I tell him that I don't want him to leave and how much I love him. He usually just cuddles me. I agree with you that it's hard to not let those feelings come out. I think the other girls' responses are great. Just try to keep thinking positively. One day, you won't have to say good-bye ever again.

[NaNi]

I'm guilty of that as well. I can still have fun and make the best out of our time, but I always think about how soon we'll be apart again. Not every single day, but often enough.

[blankita719]

Usually I think about that at night when we go to bed. It's worst on the last night before I go home and I think about how I won't be sleeping next to him the next night. I manage to keep most of it away during the days and just focus on being there and taking care of the house (because I turn into a boring housewife when I go up to see him!)...but I get super emotional on the last night and usually stay that way on the last day before we leave to go to the airport. When my son travels with me, I do a better job of keeping it to myself but when I am alone I don't at all

[loveknowsnodistance27]

When he comes home for breaks from school, I don't get anxious until we get close to the time he has to go back. But, when I'm with him I don't feel anxious about it...it's when I go home for the night after we hang out or go out somewhere. When I went to visit him at school, I was actually very anxious for most of the trip. It was only a weekend, so before I knew it, I was driving 7 hours back home. I think it was being in a new place, only knowing my boyfriend, my meal times were thrown completely out of whack and I'd never spent the night with a guy, nonetheless my boyfriend. I would get the shakes and tremors constantly, and I ate very little, which I felt bad about because I was starving, and my boyfriend was paying for my food with his "debit" from school. But, I was so anxious about everything and my eating schedule was so thrown off, I was overhungry and had a hard time eating. The tremors were very strange...it was as if I was almost always cold, but it wasn't always be being cold. At night, it was because my boyfriend had the window of his dorm open when it was ~30 degrees Farenheit out lol. We still had an extremely fun weekend and we enjoyed the time spent with each other. It was so cool to see his world up at school and meet his friends.

[Micah]

I get that way, but usually it just happens the day before... the rest of the trip I am completely fine. It's enough to where I usually can't sleep that night because I am dreading leaving him the next day. It's not fun. i do try to focus on the positives, but it is very hard.

[AllieBaba]

I feel exactly the same way!!!!!!! We're usually together for 2-3 weeks and at first I'm so happy but as the days go by it's impossible to stop thinking about the day we have to say goodbye. It doesn't necessarily ruins the trip because I still enjoy every moment I get to spend with my SO but it does get me a bit sad. Sometimes I can't hold it in anymore and end up crying but it's nice to have him there, trying to make me smile and feel better.