i really don't know what to do. Help?

[juliaentwined]

So maybe this is just a simple, unrelated feeling, but I feel so distant. Not just from my SO but from everyone. I don't know exactly, but over that, I've really had on and off feelings about leaving my SO.

Now, many would say, "If you're not happy, leave..." Well, that's the thing. I don't feel as if I have to be happy with my SO 100% of the time. But this is getting too hard. Not because of the distance but because of his inability to try to make the distance a little easier.

We're both young. He's 18, and I'm 16, but half the time, I feel as if I'm so much older than him because of the way he acts. I let him know that my life doesn't revolve around him. And I don't want his life to revolve around me, but it seems that it does. And lately, when he says I love you, it's getting hard to say them back.

He's a momma's boy. And while there isn't a problem with being so when you're 4, or even 13, to be 18 and have almost no independence... is just sad. Don't get me wrong, I love him. I love him so much. And I really don't want to live without him, but I have a feeling lately, that if we're really meant to be.... then we both need to grow up.

We're always talking about being married. He's always without doubts. And I'm the one with all of them. Because I know the reality of it. I don't think it's the distance that's our problem. I think it's our ages.

I wish I could just say, "I think we need to break up until we're 20 or so, and we'll be okay then." But I know things don't work like that. If we break up, we might never get back together. But I also know myself. I know that if we break up, I'll regret it. I'll come running back, apologizing, and I'll never really get the space I need to decide.

Also, he's coming this weekend for my birthday, however, I'll probably get no alone time with him.

I don't know what to think really. I just spent almost 40 dollars on his graduation present, and honestly, if I break up with, I'll feel guilty for giving it to him, because I know he'll be hurt. Every single one of my presents have something along the lines of saying "I love you." And while if we break up, it won't be untrue. I still know that if someone gave me something and then left with no warning, it would hurt more knowing that just a couple of days ago, everything was great.

I just don't know what to do.

[LadyMarchHare]

This sounds like you guys need a serious and long talk about the subject of growing up in terms of being prepared for the real world as adults, and just how to handle it together and separately. It's nice to daydream and stuff like that about marriage or kids or living in a nice house, but there's a time for that and it's slowly coming to an end for both of you. He's 18, most guys his age have a car, at least a part time job, and if they're not living at home to cut expenses they're off in the real world learning what it's like to not have mommy there to clean up after you or do your laundry. There's no harm in being at home for a while or loving your parents, but he can't stay in la-la land forever, that's not how life works.

If he keeps bringing up marriage, tell him to go research what comes with planning for a wedding, the paperwork the expenses, then what married life entails as far as sharing expenses, not having the option to just up and leave since divorces are expensive, all that. That's the grown up end of the spectrum. Yeah it's nice to envision some cutesy ceremony on the beach or in a church where you say, "I do" and then have cake, but personally I wouldn't even say yes to an engagement if my guy was not aware there was a crapton more baggage than that tied to sharing a name and a life together. I want to marry a man, not a little boy.

If you can try to encourage him to come out his safety shell and see the world around him with new eyes, then I seriously don't think there's even a need to consider a break up. But if he wants to stay tucked away in mommy's arms where everything's safe, clean, and smells like cotton candy then you have a problem on your hands. You want a boyfriend, not a kid.