My mothers words~Dealing with parents words and LDR

[Alexandria Lora]

I stayed with my parents this weekend as I do sometimes to get a break. I brought my net book as I usually do so that I check emails and talk to my SO. Well Sunday morning I was in the dinning room talking to my SO and we were doing the usual couples talk.."I miss you.. I miss you too...love you baby."

Anyway, after i hang up with him (from skype), I walk into the kitchen and my mother is there. She says: "Oh, did you let him go back to bed?" I look at her strangely as she always forgets our time difference: "Mom, it's 5 hours ahead for him..its his afternoon. He has been awake for a while." She says "oh" and then goes to say" well you better get it together, do you think he thinks you're gonna make it through this? He is gonna think your too clingy?"

Ohhhhhhhhhh that pissed me off to no end! I know she thinks she was being helpful, but she knows nothing of our relationship and how we communicate, which is daily and for long periods. It is what "we" understand and need of each other. But even knowing that, knowing who we are and how we are together...mothers words ring and ring in my ears..."he is gonna think your too clingy...you're not gonna make it..."

I love my mother but "wow" I am in my mid 30's and still she can make me feel as if i have never lived a day on my own. Gone through a relationship on my own and dealt with ...LIFE!

She knows we are closing the distance and supports us, but wow...sometimes.. people say the wrong thing at the wrong time..even parents...

We love them and need them..but wow do they make us crazy or what!!??

[LadyMarchHare]

Sometimes people say the most annoying, angering, or hurtful things in their attempt to be helpful or look out for us. I've had my fair share, from both my mother and other folks. In their minds they're helping out, they're being good but sometimes what's in the cup doesn't taste like it should. Just take it with a grain of salt because chances are if you contest anything they say it's war.

[Alexandria Lora]

Sometimes people say the most annoying, angering, or hurtful things in their attempt to be helpful or look out for us. I've had my fair share, from both my mother and other folks. In their minds they're helping out, they're being good but sometimes what's in the cup doesn't taste like it should. Just take it with a grain of salt because chances are if you contest anything they say it's war.

LadyMarchHare, as always, your words ring true. I let it die as my mother would have felt bad and then tried to make me feel bad for making HER feel bad! lol so i let it go..but yes...a grain of salt or a BAG of salt.. I do take lots of comments with..

[LadyMarchHare]

And sometimes the case may be whatever they mean to say in their head doesn't come out quite right in words or even text. As long as you realize she's genuinely trying to help and isn't making snarky comments or being intentional rude/mean then you just have to take a minute to decipher the gem underneath all the nonsense. It helps when you know the person well because then you know their nature enough to figure out "Wait, they couldn't have meant it like that, that doesn't sound like them."

Plus nobody likes a vicious cycle of "You made me feel bad".

[GatoGirl]

Hey, LadyMarchHare,
You're not alone! I heard horrible things from my SO's family about our long-distance situation. Even after all these years (going on 18 long-distance) they still find something to say about it. I finally figured that they don't have any frame of reference for a long-distance relationship, so they were never going to get it. Doesn't make them stop saying things, but it does help me not pay much attention to it. It still irks me, but it no longer distresses me too much.

[MeeshaLenee]

I've had a friend say hurtful things while attempting to be helpful, but I learned to take a deep breath and search for the truth behind the insult. I realized that even if she didn't know exactly what she was talking about, she did have a perspective on things that I don't have.

As for parents...my mom, while not always totally supportive of my relationships, has never been anything but understanding and helpful. She thinks before she talks, and hasn't really ever said anything well-meaning but irksome. Except for recently, but this whole tangled situation I'm in has irked me enough already, so I was more prone to taking things the wrong way.

My dad, on the other hand, is the king of saying rude, hurtful, or stupid things. Sometimes it was intentional, but sometimes he was just trying to help and went about it all the wrong way, which is kind of normal for him. I just tell myself that he truly doesn't know what he's talking about, and remind myself that he's trying to be helpful, and try to let it go.

I don't have to deal with that as much since I've moved out of the house, since my parents are more careful with what they say now that they can talk to me and see me only sparingly.

[Joyce:)]

you can't understand an LDR unless you have experienced one, i fully understand the frustration, my dad is the same