Post Visit Depression

[kymckenna]

Alright.
Anyone who has been in an LDR has gone through this. Some cases are bad and some cases aren't so bad. For me this happens to be pretty bad.

For someone who hasn't seen their SO yet probably doesn't know what it is. Post Visit Depression is what someone gets after leaving their SO. Yes, it does sometimes hurt you so much emotionally it can start to hurt you physically. The expression 'missing someone so much it hurts' is how you can explain it.

So.. Post your secrets, cures, home remedies and ANYTHING that helps you get through this.

My mind is the worst at wandering into the "what if" questions. It hurts. I am so hard on myself sometimes because I miss him so much and want to do anything to be with him. I sometimes spend days and nights crying.

Please do not hold your secrets to yourself. People need advice. Things like this can become unbearable at times.

As the poster of this I'd like to say that every tear and ounce of pain I've been through has been worth it in the end. Just get through the time apart from your SO and you won't be disappointed when you see them next.

I will also be the first to admit that you need to change things up from time to time and not get set on a regular schedule. It starts to get boring and make the mind wander. Tell your SO you are proud of him or her. Tell them you love them. You miss them. But don't say it in every text or IM.

All this being said please be generous and give advice to not only me but fellow LDR couples and people here on loving from a distance.

Thank you.

[snow_girl]

I have never suffered from post visit depression. When he leaves, ya it sucks but I am just happy that I got to spend that time with him.

[blankita719]

I hate the post visit depression so much...

For me, I try to plan my visits so that I come back late the night before I have to go back to work. That way, all I want to do is go straight to bed, and try to sleep instead of crying. Then when I wake up, I have to jump back into my normal life routine quickly so I can't spend a lot of time dwelling on the depression. Plus, as a mom, I need to keep myself together in front of my son. Of course it still hits me at night and my SO knows that right after a visit I get moody and cry a lot when we talk, so he just listens and reminds me that we're working for a common goal - to just be together.

Staying active, throwing myself into work, cleaning house like a mad woman That's how I manage to make it through the post visit right away. It hasn't gotten any easier on me since we started this but at least now I know what it feels like and how I can work it to minimize the time it knocks me down.

[tiffinnie]

I was in a LDR for 3 years with PVD... and I'm now in another LDR and I'm terrified of what the PVD will do to him... I know what it does to me... but I'm his first girlfriend...

Basically from what I remember of PVD and my coping skills is sleep... lots of sleep the first few days... even if it means distancing yourself from your SO for a day or two... thats fine... do what you need to do and they will understand. Music and running and friends/family are all welcome after a couple of days of sleep... crying when you need to but also know that your SO needs you to be strong... you need to be strong for yourself and for your SO...

[BabyGund]

The Boy and I call it PVC = Post Visit Crash. Because this is exactly how it feels when it hits us --->

The Boy and I usually jump right back into life. We're so busy that even just disconnecting for 3-4 days puts us out of the loop, so we're crazy busy. But usually 4-5 days after we get back --->

If I feel it coming on, I'll send my daughter to her dad's or to a friend's for an overnight and I'll stay in bed, listen to sad songs and be all depressed. I allow myself that one day, or the weekend or whatever. Then I've got to get back to life. Too many people depend on me to let it go anymore than that.

The Boy, I notice he ups his running mileage. Where he'll normally run 7-8 miles, he'll start to bust out some 10-12 milers usually in that same 4-5 days after we get back. He's been under some stress lately and I've notice him doing more 13-15 milers to cope.

[Moon]

It's easier for me than it is for him, I think. I have a full, busy house to come back to and I always have to kick the jet lag for work the next day. He has to go back to an empty apartment, but he usually has to work the day I leave (I try leaving early in the morning). While it's a bit depressing, I know it's not the end of the world. I know I'll see him again in a few months, and we talk mostly every day, I mean it sucks to not be with him, but I knew that was the case when we started our relationship. I guess there is no secret, that's why you aren't finding it, you just have to keep busy and don't forgo your life for your relationship.

[Micah]

I think the only thing that helps me is time and a good cry. I also like to have the next visit planned within a few days of returning home, so I can tell myself I only have x amount of days to go. I can try to distract myself all I want to, but my mind is always busy and thinking of him. It typically takes me a week to get out of my post visit funk. Usually by the time I get used to being back in a LDR, it is time to start getting ready for our next visit. I am the first to admit I totally suck at being away from him.

[jenny_ell]

i do things like running, yoga, reading, ect. i also do alot of browsing at shops and online on my days off. its been hard with not seeing him and it being so awful outside. once the weather is nicer i will feel a bit better.

[Insanity]

I definitely have gotten this, it's nearly been 2 months since I saw him and I still feel quite depressed from visiting him. Though doesn't help he's not talking to me. I guess the best thing would be to have you're next visit to plan for and look forward to. Communication is key (god do I know that, 2 months of barely talking will make anybody depressed), you both need to be on the same page to, it'd really hard when one person needs the communication and the other shuts down.

[13000km]

I don't think I ever got out of the post visit depression. I came back and went to work the next day. The jet lag + post visit depression + stress from work almost killed me. /: There were things that gave a little bit of distraction, but never completely got rid of the depression. I started learning how to play the ukulele, and he'd play the guitar with me while I practiced. We're closing the distance this June, but if we ever had to be apart again I think I would have to pick up another brand new skill.

[srigg009]

I believe that staying busy definitely helps, Its been months since he visited and I'm still having issues with depression after having him here. The first few days I cried, a lot. Now when I get depressed throughout the day or night, I either go for a walk outside or cuddle up in bed with the teddy bear he gave me and just sleep it off. If its sunny outside, a walk can do wonders for depression, especially if you can go sit somewhere and just remember the good times and smile and make other people wonder why you are smiling all by yourself. Its hard to get through but we all know we are strong from going through this everyday and everyday we get stronger.

[Sav88]

I like to watch a movie- that has nothing to do with love or sadness hahaha! I just try and find a funny flick or a horror movie. It takes your mind off the pain but yeah, sometimes a good cry is healthy.

[SeaLover]

I'll be the first guy on here to say that, that during the 2 plane rides home and for the next couple of days, my eyes would start to tear up whenever I thought about her. Luckily, I had school the very next day to help get my mind off it. Mostly I find that counting down the days on a calendar until I see her next is a good way to keep me motivated. Also, We've recently gotten in the habit of video-chatting on skype at least once a week, and that really seems to help.

[bigmac62]

To be perfectly honest, I say if you need to cry...cry. It just helps to let the emotion out, rather than bottle it in; all bottling it in does is give you health problems, and neither you or your SO wants that.

After that, just take a day for yourself doing something you love. Pick out some movies you love, some music you like (even the sad songs), and just have a day for yourself, with no outside distractions (kids, work if you work that day, etc.). It'll relieve the stress on you and take your mind off of things.

[iloveacarpenter]

Ugh..hate PVD. I definitely cry a lot. Also, the first few days I take really long, hot showers and cry in there. I try not to sleep excessively because that tends to make me feel worse in the long-run. Instead, I try to busy myself with homework and I tend to read a lot more. If I have nothing else to do, I watch mindless, funny shows like Glee. The key is definitely to cry when you feel like crying, try to relax yourself physically, and keep yourself busy.