Less than 4 weeks before seing him

[uniquefem]

Hi all,
I got the visa, i got the flight ticket... everything seemed set. Until he said he need to work when i come...and he suggest me 3 days in Paris.. and then a week later.. he say why not to Brussels too?

First i thought he will come with me so i book the bus/train. Then he said he don't want to go to Paris or Brussels. I just said, ok, i'll do this my own, he said that would be great experience...(i wish he said no, you can't be by your self!) he let me travel alone in Paris and Brussel by my self.. errhh .. he said you could speak basic French, you will be all right.. doohhh.. he is missing the point!!

Over and over i said to him.. i want to be with him. I just can't understand why he did this. Its 6 wasting days without him! i told him about this he just say we will spent sometimes after that.. ya??for another..ohh just 7 days...

He went to "friend" mode and back again to worry when he learned that i would do couch surfing (hey i pay my own things in both cities!) and the host is a single guy. Kept saying book hostels over and over. (Gash i am mad when writing this).

Its just few weeks before we meet and oh God why is he being difficult? i don't know what he want

And when i frustrated and cry he will say something nice like i'll pick you up at train station (hell yeahhh he should! it will be 11pm!). We will meet, but not at his town.. i wonder why he don't want me to visit where he live or where he work?

One of my Germany friend just say something that i can't get rid off my head he said maybe my SO just don't want me to go there because he embarrass because i am ASIAN? that he date an Asian girl? ohh gosh thats very racist i got mad at my friend because he say those awful thing.

But, i did tell him i want to see his work or friends. He kept asking back why? i dont know why he went to "defensive" mode. I never ask again, but can't get the things that my friend said...

I seriously don't know.. if Europe dating Asian could be that bad. Not all Asian girls had bad stereotype... I am just afraid what my friend said is true... (i hope this thought and sad feeling only from stressed out or something).

I know i should prepare my self for bad things as my previous post.. (he went to friend mode). But if this is the reason.... oh my.. i don't know if he is this shallow!! (the guy that i met before, the one that i fall in love with not like that!)

...just confuse...

[Micah]

Maybe he has something to hide? I would get suspicious if I was going to visit someone and they didn't want me to come to their town. It would make me think they were hiding something of some sorts, or they were ashamed of something that they didn't want me to see.

[Joyce:)]

I have to be honest, this is not normal, and like micah said, he may have something to hide.
If my SO came half way across the world to visit me, first i WOULD NEVER let even one second pass without him, so i'd never make him travel around towns alone, second I'd be extremely excited to show him around my town, and i'd be so proud of introducing my friends to him.
the way he's acting is pure weird, and now it's surely not the case of problems with translation or whatnot.

I don't want to sound mean, i just don't want you to get hurt, so be careful and don't give him all your trust, he's not treating you how he should

[NaNi]

I don't think what your friends said was meant in a racist way. At least I wouldn't view it like that. There are A LOT of men here in Germany who desperately want to date Asian women, for various - sometimes not so good - reasons, and maybe your SO doesn't want people to think that he's one of them?

[weetzie]

I wouldn't trust him, and would be likely to call it off. :/

[Sierra]

I really hate to type this, but I don't think he's behaving normally. I can understand having to work (there will be times when my boyfriend comes to see me but I have to work) and he understands this - I won't get paid time off at my job until next year. However, I would never encourage him to go somewhere else - I would never not introduce him to people (expect my one friend who'll interrogate him).

I have to say this and I feel really badly doing this, but based on his behavior, I wouldn't go. He doesn't sound like he wants to spend time with you. It sounds like he was talking the talk but now that it's time to put action behind his words he won't do it, maybe because he has something to hide.

Please protect your heart.

[Moon]

Something seems very wrong here. There is absolutely no reason why he should be shipping you off to a foreign country by yourself, for half of your time "together". It has nothing to do with your being Asian whatsoever, plenty of European guys would do anything to get an Asian woman (as would American guys), so don't think that for a second.

You are going to way too much trouble, and spending way too much money, for him to friend zone you, or to treat you in such a careless, heartless manner. No real man would do this to you, it's completely unacceptable. Do not allow him to treat you in this way, you deserve so much better, especially with how little you get to see each other. If he loved you, and had nothing to hide, he'd not let you alone for a minute of your trip that he didn't have to. He should be excited and happy about you coming, not acting like a jackass.

I hate to say it, but I can't see how this can have a good turn out, sorry about that I think, if I were you, I'd start looking at this like a sightseeing holiday and try to make the most of traveling through Paris and Brussels. Stay where you want, and don't expect too much from him. I know it'll be hard, but try to enjoy your trip in Europe, its not everyday you get to see it, you know? Don't fall any harder for him than you have, protect yourself, sweetie.

[Dziubka]

I'm so sorry for you, it's not a comfortable situation to be in.
However I guess I also somewhat understand your SO. You haven't seen each other for half a year, right? And you met while he was on vacation in a different country/continent. You both were discovering new things and in holiday-mood. Maybe he isn't so sure about his feelings any more and doesn't know whether you and your relationship together will be the same in his grey everyday home town and 'normal' life.
If you two are lucky, then once he sees you and you get to spend some time together he'll realize that he loves you in every situation and circumstances. I really really wish for you that it turns out like that.
I agree with Moon, though. Try not to get your hopes up too high. See this as a unique, once in a lifetime opportunity to see Europe. Try to enjoy everyday and see as much as you can.

(And also: if you want, send me a PM when exactly you'll be here My offer still stands!)

[Brandie]

This doesn't seem right just because I have seen this before. My mom dated someone before and for some reason she NEVER went to his house. EVER. He always came to ours, and he always said that there's no point in going to his house (even though he had more to do at his house than at my house with my siblings around). My mom didn't think anything of it, then she found out he was living with his ex girlfriend, he lied to her all this time. I'm not saying your boyfriend is lying to you or keeping a secret as dark as that, but when someone doesn't let you into "their life" meeting their friends, work place, etc. you should really figure that out. I hope you can figure things out!

[Brandie]

This doesn't seem right just because I have seen this before. My mom dated someone before and for some reason she NEVER went to his house. EVER. He always came to ours, and he always said that there's no point in going to his house (even though he had more to do at his house than at my house with my siblings around). My mom didn't think anything of it, then she found out he was living with his ex girlfriend, he lied to her all this time. I'm not saying your boyfriend is lying to you or keeping a secret as dark as that, but when someone doesn't let you into "their life" meeting their friends, work place, etc. you should really figure that out. I hope you can figure things out!

[uniquefem]

Maybe he has something to hide? I would get suspicious if I was going to visit someone and they didn't want me to come to their town. It would make me think they were hiding something of some sorts, or they were ashamed of something that they didn't want me to see.

Yes.. i think the same way.. he had something to hide.. something that he "forgot" to tell me which made me worry...

[uniquefem]

I have to be honest, this is not normal, and like micah said, he may have something to hide.
If my SO came half way across the world to visit me, first i WOULD NEVER let even one second pass without him, so i'd never make him travel around towns alone, second I'd be extremely excited to show him around my town, and i'd be so proud of introducing my friends to him.
the way he's acting is pure weird, and now it's surely not the case of problems with translation or whatnot.

I don't want to sound mean, i just don't want you to get hurt, so be careful and don't give him all your trust, he's not treating you how he should

Exactly.. i would do the same, i would pick him up at the airport and never leave his side if possible!! and yess... i really emphasis on the half way around the world thing, and this is not my "neighborhood" where i could easily blend. I don't understand why he left me by my self wondering in places i never been...

All he said is he want me to visit those towns and because i never been to Europe and he can't accompany me because he will be at work.

I will be very careful and... i don't know if this is mean or not.. but seriously.. no kiss until he explain what we are.. hugs is ok.. but no kiss.. seriously think that i don't want to be his friend "with benefit"

[uniquefem]

I don't think what your friends said was meant in a racist way. At least I wouldn't view it like that. There are A LOT of men here in Germany who desperately want to date Asian women, for various - sometimes not so good - reasons, and maybe your SO doesn't want people to think that he's one of them?

why he think about what others think?? there will be people talking about others relationship every where, no matter how "normal" they think the relationship is....

But i do remember how he want me to keep our relationship as secret at my office... well.. in Indonesia local girls dating western/caucasian men always assumed as... cheap girls. He told me not to tell anyone unless very close friends that i could trust... because he don't want my office gossiping me bad. He did talk about this once.

But..... i also JUST REMEMBER that once we talk about this when we meet back in Hongkong.. I ask would you like to go for vacation to Thailand someday with me? (because i went there like 6 times!) he said no, because its full of Russian he also said he know lots of his friends will go to Thailand just to hook up with girls (for free?). He don't like this (feel happy of this).

Maybe you right, he maybe don't want his friends think that (after) he was commenting about his friends bad habit to pick up girls in SE Asia, they will see me with him, and they will think after all his comments (whatever it was) there he is walking with me--an asian girl (that he "pick up" in Hongkong).

Gosh.. i should make this clear.....

[uniquefem]

I wouldn't trust him, and would be likely to call it off. :/

hun, i would call it off, but i can't. Not after i book like 90% of the flights, buses and train with all of my savings..

I have to do this.. with or without him

[uniquefem]

I really hate to type this, but I don't think he's behaving normally. I can understand having to work (there will be times when my boyfriend comes to see me but I have to work) and he understands this - I won't get paid time off at my job until next year. However, I would never encourage him to go somewhere else - I would never not introduce him to people (expect my one friend who'll interrogate him).

I have to say this and I feel really badly doing this, but based on his behavior, I wouldn't go. He doesn't sound like he wants to spend time with you. It sounds like he was talking the talk but now that it's time to put action behind his words he won't do it, maybe because he has something to hide.

Please protect your heart.

He is doing terrible stuff....

The fact that he don't really care about me after i arrive in Europe, i did brought up this thing. I told him--hey you wrote a sponsor letter (and its legal!) and it said you had to pay for EVERYTHING until i return to Indonesia... then how come i pay most of the things? well... in the total sum, he spent more for the return ticket.. but compare to our salary which is like heaven and earth.. its not fair at all.

His answer is, i will pay you back when we meet in Strasbourg. I was like in silence and then he correct it, he said its better that way because when he send it through bank, they cut it for fee, and also the currency not that good--its true.

I want to see him.. i know this might be the chance once in my life time to visit Europe... but.. it could be much better if he with me too... and we could share all of those magnificent sights!


just sad....