Less than 4 weeks before seing him

[uniquefem]

Something seems very wrong here. There is absolutely no reason why he should be shipping you off to a foreign country by yourself, for half of your time "together". It has nothing to do with your being Asian whatsoever, plenty of European guys would do anything to get an Asian woman (as would American guys), so don't think that for a second.

You are going to way too much trouble, and spending way too much money, for him to friend zone you, or to treat you in such a careless, heartless manner. No real man would do this to you, it's completely unacceptable. Do not allow him to treat you in this way, you deserve so much better, especially with how little you get to see each other. If he loved you, and had nothing to hide, he'd not let you alone for a minute of your trip that he didn't have to. He should be excited and happy about you coming, not acting like a jackass.

I hate to say it, but I can't see how this can have a good turn out, sorry about that I think, if I were you, I'd start looking at this like a sightseeing holiday and try to make the most of traveling through Paris and Brussels. Stay where you want, and don't expect too much from him. I know it'll be hard, but try to enjoy your trip in Europe, its not everyday you get to see it, you know? Don't fall any harder for him than you have, protect yourself, sweetie.

i know i should feel bad..but haha i like when you call him jackass.

I know he treat me really bad. I know i should clear this mess he made. But for sure i wont cancel my trip. Like you know, i spent much money and ohhh my my 30 birthday by my self just to get visa!!

Its just too much sacrifice... and he can't be with me JUST BECAUSE of work...

Yes, when i post this i actually feel numb and oh gosh... i just think this is maybe the part when he will say good bye to me. Like this would be my first and last time visiting him. He made this sound like helping a friend to holiday to Europe.

Its just very different than this person i know before. He change.. and i might be change too....

I will enjoy this trip, i will do what i want, and do what i plan i will open my eyes wide i know i didn't deserve this.. i am not that naive its hurting me when he let me by my self like he don't care... but i will take this chance to do things i want to.. (he don't like me stay up late night haha) i will had amazing time... meet lots of people, do things like going night clubbing, or stuff that i know i can't do if he is around (bungee in Paris if available??)and haha i know this is bad.. i will made him feel sorry and said.. i wish im with you when you're in Paris

(....is this sound like evil plan? or.. ok?)

[uniquefem]

I'm so sorry for you, it's not a comfortable situation to be in.
However I guess I also somewhat understand your SO. You haven't seen each other for half a year, right? And you met while he was on vacation in a different country/continent. You both were discovering new things and in holiday-mood. Maybe he isn't so sure about his feelings any more and doesn't know whether you and your relationship together will be the same in his grey everyday home town and 'normal' life.
If you two are lucky, then once he sees you and you get to spend some time together he'll realize that he loves you in every situation and circumstances. I really really wish for you that it turns out like that.
I agree with Moon, though. Try not to get your hopes up too high. See this as a unique, once in a lifetime opportunity to see Europe. Try to enjoy everyday and see as much as you can.

(And also: if you want, send me a PM when exactly you'll be here My offer still stands!)

Thank you very much for the wish.. i do wish the same too...

Same time i wish that i wont hope too much about this.. about how this turn out to be.. i know we will remember those time when were together again, and soon will feel the same way again...

But for sure i have to know where i stand who am i for him... am i still important for him? i had lots of questions that i want to ask to him. And communicate through phone pr computer is horrible!

I will try to think this as holiday trip... and he is not the main reason why i went there... just lowering the expectation

heheh i will PM you when my schedule all fix! i still had to get some trains to book it will be awesome!!

[Joyce:)]

Honey,
Go, just because you have spent so much money on this and it would be a shame, also knowing how much you had to save up and work and stress about your visa.
What he is doing, as i said before, is just plain wrong.

He can't say that he wants you to visit Europe, that's nonsense. When it comes to seeing your SO, you get greedy about them, you don't want to share them with anyone, you don't want them to go off alone for a week visiting other towns especially if then you don't show them your hometown.

Is it possible that he didn't expect you to actually manage to get the visa, so he actually never thought there could be the chance you'd come over, so now he doesn't know how to hide things?
He may have a girlfriend back home, or not be exactly who he says he is.

And, i don't think he's acting this way because he doesn't want his friends to think badly about him dating an asian, i actually think he may have not told his friends at all about you.

You don't deserve to be treated this way, you just sound so sweet and always willing to try to find something positive out of him, you deserve someone that would be excited to have you come visit, someone who plans every second to spend with you, someone that can't wait to pick you up at the airport!

[Moon]

i know i should feel bad..but haha i like when you call him jackass.

I know he treat me really bad. I know i should clear this mess he made. But for sure i wont cancel my trip. Like you know, i spent much money and ohhh my my 30 birthday by my self just to get visa!!

Its just too much sacrifice... and he can't be with me JUST BECAUSE of work...

Yes, when i post this i actually feel numb and oh gosh... i just think this is maybe the part when he will say good bye to me. Like this would be my first and last time visiting him. He made this sound like helping a friend to holiday to Europe.

Its just very different than this person i know before. He change.. and i might be change too....

I will enjoy this trip, i will do what i want, and do what i plan i will open my eyes wide i know i didn't deserve this.. i am not that naive its hurting me when he let me by my self like he don't care... but i will take this chance to do things i want to.. (he don't like me stay up late night haha) i will had amazing time... meet lots of people, do things like going night clubbing, or stuff that i know i can't do if he is around (bungee in Paris if available??)and haha i know this is bad.. i will made him feel sorry and said.. i wish im with you when you're in Paris

(....is this sound like evil plan? or.. ok?)

NO - This sounds like a great plan!! None of it is bad, don't feel that way, he's the one who's acting weird, so the fault is his. Go, have a fantastic time, enjoy Europe, and get the most out of your experience. Who knows, you may just have a better time without him

[uniquefem]

Honey,
Go, just because you have spent so much money on this and it would be a shame, also knowing how much you had to save up and work and stress about your visa.
What he is doing, as i said before, is just plain wrong.

He can't say that he wants you to visit Europe, that's nonsense. When it comes to seeing your SO, you get greedy about them, you don't want to share them with anyone, you don't want them to go off alone for a week visiting other towns especially if then you don't show them your hometown.

Is it possible that he didn't expect you to actually manage to get the visa, so he actually never thought there could be the chance you'd come over, so now he doesn't know how to hide things?
He may have a girlfriend back home, or not be exactly who he says he is.

And, i don't think he's acting this way because he doesn't want his friends to think badly about him dating an asian, i actually think he may have not told his friends at all about you.

You don't deserve to be treated this way, you just sound so sweet and always willing to try to find something positive out of him, you deserve someone that would be excited to have you come visit, someone who plans every second to spend with you, someone that can't wait to pick you up at the airport!

Honey,
Go, just because you have spent so much money on this and it would be a shame, also knowing how much you had to save up and work and stress about your visa.
What he is doing, as i said before, is just plain wrong.

He can't say that he wants you to visit Europe, that's nonsense. When it comes to seeing your SO, you get greedy about them, you don't want to share them with anyone, you don't want them to go off alone for a week visiting other towns especially if then you don't show them your hometown.

Is it possible that he didn't expect you to actually manage to get the visa, so he actually never thought there could be the chance you'd come over, so now he doesn't know how to hide things?
He may have a girlfriend back home, or not be exactly who he says he is.

And, i don't think he's acting this way because he doesn't want his friends to think badly about him dating an asian, i actually think he may have not told his friends at all about you.

You don't deserve to be treated this way, you just sound so sweet and always willing to try to find something positive out of him, you deserve someone that would be excited to have you come visit, someone who plans every second to spend with you, someone that can't wait to pick you up at the airport!

Well.. i did tell him about what i feel days before i book my flights, i said, you seemed don't want me to get the visa or to visit you. Why you made things so hard, when i ask things that i really don't know you will act defensive and made it as base to had arguments and his answer is, he think i am silly, and of course he want me to go to Europe to visit him.

He change his mind about me now and then. Sometimes he hurt me so much, sometimes he went to this happy mood.

Yesterday night we chat, and he said things like, hey how do you feel if we do the romantic road trail on Bavaria? i said what road?? he said something about visiting castles and museums, etc. And that time i wasn't even talk about this trip. He browse those trip by him self, and said he had to made itinerary.

That moment he does sound like he want me to travel with him.

I doubt he had a gf, not that i know. But he use the mousepad that i send him for his xmast present at his office. The mousepad is custom, had our pictures on it. I saw it when we did web chat, he didn't show it but i see it. If he had gf.. i don't think he would want to use the mouse pad.

He does live with other co workers, sharing a house with 3 other guys also its the University housing (he work as scientist for a university). This is his reason why i can't stay where he live. I just said... well.. i will stay at your room like all day if they feel bothered with me coming.

The very first time i know about him, back in Hongkong. When he gave me a laptop bag as present and insert his name card on it (hehe cheesy?) i google him. And i found out what he said is true, that he work for the university, also found out that he is a researcher. (he surprise when i did this just try to be careful with guys hehe)

I think i will insist going to stay where he live, as long as that wont against law, or could cause him fired or baadd trouble!

I also had some backup plans.. if everything went very bad.. as if he didn't show up at the train station. I had few backpacking friends live only one hour away from his address. So, i'll knock his door, said hey.. i am here-- surprise!!

I just think that because he legally sponsored me, therefor he had to be responsible to me! (he made that Verpflichtungserklarung-formal obligation letter) the letter does said he obligate to take FULL responsibility for me including all of my living costs.. and this is a legal paper work. I think he could get trouble with authority if i got stranded somewhere penniless and making trouble :P

[uniquefem]

NO - This sounds like a great plan!! None of it is bad, don't feel that way, he's the one who's acting weird, so the fault is his. Go, have a fantastic time, enjoy Europe, and get the most out of your experience. Who knows, you may just have a better time without him

I am very happy because all of you so nice to me! i will have fun!

Hahaha.. yes... who knows without him things went better!!