So, at first I was going to make a post asking for advice, but when it comes down to it I really just want some support, I guess. This might be long... Lol...
This is what's up:
My SO recently graduated film school in Orlando, Florida. He came home for two weeks to visit and get things in order, then moved up to New York City with the production company that him and three of his fellow graduates started together. While home, he had to visit with his family, friends, AND me, so I couldn't demand a whole lot of his time or anything. When we were together, it was when I got out of class at night time and we would watch a movie and cuddle or talk for a little bit then just fall asleep. There really wasn't much time to go out and do anything (plus we had no money, lol). He's always had a hard time talking about his feelings, but I'd been feeling especially distant from him.
When he moved up to NYC, he basically closed himself off from me. He was with a friend from home who had driven him up there and was going to sight see with him, so we texted a little bit. Then I asked him if he'd call me, and he didn't. Anyway, it ended with us not talking for 4 days straight - through this time I was going crazy. He was posting facebook statuses, I knew he was fine and had plenty of time to call or text (he'd been in NYC for over a week by then, so he wasn't sight seeing anymore), but he just wasn't. Finally, on Wednesday night, he texted me "I've been the worst boyfriend ever. I'm going to call you tonight, so be up, please. I have a lot to say and I hope you understand." Of course, once we ended up on the phone, I was so happy to hear his voice and he was so excited to talk to me about everything that he was doing that he didn't say anything about his feelings except "You know it's so hard for me to sort out what's in my head. I know it's not fair to you." I told him that it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me, and he said (in a voice to lighten the mood a bit) "I'm appalled that you would even say that!" He tells me that I'm the best girlfriend ever or that I'm awesome, but it's not quite the same as just saying "Hey, I care about you." or "I love you." It's driving me INSANE. Sometimes he's so unemotional and cut off from, well, being affectionate or anything like that AT ALL, that it freaks me out. I know he cares, I just don't know how to dig it out of him. I can feel it when we're together physically, I just want to hear it, because we don't have the option of physical! I know that people have to say "I love you" in their own times, and I respect that, though.
Personally, I think that he's going through a sort of information/emotion overload right now. He's in a new city, a place totally different than any place he's ever encountered, he's in the "real world", he has to find jobs to make money in order to live, he doesn't want to end up back in our hometown, he's probably pondering our relationship even though he cares about me, he knows that I have a year left of school but he has yet to talk to me about what we're going to do though we've kind of always just assumed I'm going to move there, and he's trying to sort through a lot. I know I should just give him space - I JUST SUCK AT GIVING SPACE!
ajfsklafjioaejfasfjafeiaogslkjfa <---- THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!
Oh, and on top of all of this, a girl that he went to school with in FL is on spring break (she's still in school down there) and her hometown is NYC, so she was there this week and she apparently hung out with him (I put the clues together based on FB statuses). I trust him, he'd never cheat on me, but it makes me sad because she's really flirty with him and I think he should recognize that (though guys are blind sometimes) and respect me enough to just steer clear.
Um, to end this mess of a post: everyone should check out my new photo album of photos Dakota and I took together last month.
I don't know what responses I'm expecting, I guess I just wanted to get this all out! I keep things in too much because I hate talking to friends and family about stuff because he and I went through a break up over last summer and I always think that they'll just be biased if I discuss our issues :/ I feel like if I talk about stuff here, I'm more likely to give him the space he needs and it'll give me something to do when I'm feeling panicky/needy!
This is what's up:
My SO recently graduated film school in Orlando, Florida. He came home for two weeks to visit and get things in order, then moved up to New York City with the production company that him and three of his fellow graduates started together. While home, he had to visit with his family, friends, AND me, so I couldn't demand a whole lot of his time or anything. When we were together, it was when I got out of class at night time and we would watch a movie and cuddle or talk for a little bit then just fall asleep. There really wasn't much time to go out and do anything (plus we had no money, lol). He's always had a hard time talking about his feelings, but I'd been feeling especially distant from him.
When he moved up to NYC, he basically closed himself off from me. He was with a friend from home who had driven him up there and was going to sight see with him, so we texted a little bit. Then I asked him if he'd call me, and he didn't. Anyway, it ended with us not talking for 4 days straight - through this time I was going crazy. He was posting facebook statuses, I knew he was fine and had plenty of time to call or text (he'd been in NYC for over a week by then, so he wasn't sight seeing anymore), but he just wasn't. Finally, on Wednesday night, he texted me "I've been the worst boyfriend ever. I'm going to call you tonight, so be up, please. I have a lot to say and I hope you understand." Of course, once we ended up on the phone, I was so happy to hear his voice and he was so excited to talk to me about everything that he was doing that he didn't say anything about his feelings except "You know it's so hard for me to sort out what's in my head. I know it's not fair to you." I told him that it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me, and he said (in a voice to lighten the mood a bit) "I'm appalled that you would even say that!" He tells me that I'm the best girlfriend ever or that I'm awesome, but it's not quite the same as just saying "Hey, I care about you." or "I love you." It's driving me INSANE. Sometimes he's so unemotional and cut off from, well, being affectionate or anything like that AT ALL, that it freaks me out. I know he cares, I just don't know how to dig it out of him. I can feel it when we're together physically, I just want to hear it, because we don't have the option of physical! I know that people have to say "I love you" in their own times, and I respect that, though.
Personally, I think that he's going through a sort of information/emotion overload right now. He's in a new city, a place totally different than any place he's ever encountered, he's in the "real world", he has to find jobs to make money in order to live, he doesn't want to end up back in our hometown, he's probably pondering our relationship even though he cares about me, he knows that I have a year left of school but he has yet to talk to me about what we're going to do though we've kind of always just assumed I'm going to move there, and he's trying to sort through a lot. I know I should just give him space - I JUST SUCK AT GIVING SPACE!
ajfsklafjioaejfasfjafeiaogslkjfa <---- THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!
Oh, and on top of all of this, a girl that he went to school with in FL is on spring break (she's still in school down there) and her hometown is NYC, so she was there this week and she apparently hung out with him (I put the clues together based on FB statuses). I trust him, he'd never cheat on me, but it makes me sad because she's really flirty with him and I think he should recognize that (though guys are blind sometimes) and respect me enough to just steer clear.
Um, to end this mess of a post: everyone should check out my new photo album of photos Dakota and I took together last month.
I don't know what responses I'm expecting, I guess I just wanted to get this all out! I keep things in too much because I hate talking to friends and family about stuff because he and I went through a break up over last summer and I always think that they'll just be biased if I discuss our issues :/ I feel like if I talk about stuff here, I'm more likely to give him the space he needs and it'll give me something to do when I'm feeling panicky/needy!
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