He didn't tell me....

[Snap]

I am so angry right now, but I don't know if I should be. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, I don't know. I've been dating my bf for over 5 months now. I just found out on Facebook that he's going on a small weekend vacation with some of his friends in August. He didn't invite me to go along, which maybe I understand because I don't know how my work schedule is going to be like in August so I probably wouldn't be able to go in the first place. But I'm so annoyed that he didn't tell me before he made the plans.

Part of my problem is that I'm moving out of town early in the summer for work so we're going to be in a LDR. I've been so paranoid recently and looking for signs that he's going to dump me beforehand. I feel like this is one.

Am I being crazy and paranoid? Or are my thoughts validated?

[LadyMarchHare]

Are you close with any of these friends? Even if you are, you do not need to tag along to everything with him, he has a right to make plans with friends and go without you. It does not mean he doesn't want you there, it doesn't mean he wants to leave you. He wants a good time with his friends.

If it bothers you, and I mean honestly bothers you then talk to him about it. Just remember that Facebook can and will start a lot of needless drama in relationships especially if you're already in the mindset that he's waiting to spring a break up on you just because you're moving away for a job.

[XX, Lexi]

I'm gonna agree with LMH. Just because he didn't tell you that he's going on vacation isn't a cause for alarm. How long has he planned the vacation? Maybe he didn't tell you because either nothing was definite yet or he knew that you didn't know what work would be like, so he thought he'd tell you once things were set in stone.
Like LMH said also, if it does bother a lot, Please do talk to him about it. Also, if you feel comfortable, try to talk to him about the paranoid fears you have about him leaving you because you'll be in an LDR. Chances are, letting it out in a calm and rational way will go much easier than keeping it all inside and letting it explode like Mount Vesuvius.

[Karringtyn]

My best advice? Talk to him. I can understand being upset, but it will do nothing to just sit and stew over it...talk it out.

[LostInLove]

There's plenty of reasons that he wouldn't invite you. To be honest, I'm guessing that he didn't invite you because you're moving away. I'm not saying that it means he feels and different about you or is planning to break up, but I know when my SO and I were close distance about to go into being an LDR we certainly didn't include each other in many of our plans, simply because we were going to be in different cities and it was impractical. Again, not trying to say this is a sign of anything bad happening in your relationship. In fact, I know my SO plans things around my trips out there because he wants to make sure we have plenty of time for the two of us to be alone together. All I'm trying to point out is that the distance adds a certain separation between his plans and your plans.

If it's bothering you then talk to him about it, tell him you're feeling insecure right now and it worries you that he didn't seem to feel the need to tell you about it at all. I can understand being upset, but again there's lots of reasons, good and bad, for him to not invite you. I recommend listening to what he has to say on the subject.

[Amber]

You are not being crazy. He should have shared with you that he was planning a trip in the first place and he should have shared with you that you could come! Doesnt matter if you would have been busy with work, you are dating and you two should be open about it. Yes, I complain all the time that I can't communicate with my boyfriend when I'm angry, but we share everything when its something like this! You need to talk to him about it and if you two dont work out then find someone that does want to share his life with you. It will only get harder when you are apart and if he keeps this from you when you are in the same city, then what else is he going to hide?

[Snap]

Just to add more details...

He really likes his space and setting time aside to spend with his friends. I usually don't have any problems with that because I like having my own space and independence. But what throws me for a loop is trying to determine when there's too much space.

Now that I think about it, he's done something like this before. His close friends that live in a different city are getting married at the beginning of June. Again he and his roommate and another person who is also friends with those people are making a weekend vacation for the wedding. He didn't tell me initially about it and instead made an offhand comment sometime later about it like it was no big deal.

I just don't know what to think anymore. I can't trust my mind.

[LadyMarchHare]

You are not being crazy. He should have shared with you that he was planning a trip in the first place and he should have shared with you that you could come!

You're making the assumption he wanted her to come. Then again I'm making the assumption he doesn't but considering we don't know him that's pretty much all we can do.

Snap: I understand it's difficult to determine the line between space and ignoring but there are people who enjoy time away from their SOs even if the events they're going to would normally warrant taking a date, such as the wedding. To him these things are probably not a big deal and really I can't see why they should be unless he has a track record of chaining you at home to a tree while he goes out and has fun without you all the time. As has been said if this stuff is seriously bothering you and you're feeling like maybe he's not paying enough attention to you then you need to talk to him about it. Express you would like to be considered in his plans even if your availability isn't set in stone, that you would prefer hearing it from him directly instead of having to read about it second-hand on a website. Your bad thoughts aren't going to just flutter off by themselves.

[Micah]

Maybe it's the sort of trip where only friends are included and not their significant others? I would talk to him about it to see what the deal is. I know that if I were planning a trip with a bunch of my friends I would likely not invite my SO along, unless it was a trip specifically for couples. Also, if you are moving away, then you are going to have to (unfortunately) get used to your SO doing a lot of things without you. It's not fun, but it's the way long distance relationships work. The best thing to do is talk to him about it and see what's up.

[Riyko]

I agree that he doesn't have to invite you, but i understand where you are coming from and saying he should of told you about it wither you are invited or not. To me if i was with a guy and he made plans with his friends and didn't tell me about it i'd be upset too i mean because the least he could of done after knowing about it is say hey a couple of my friends and i are going on a trip from x day - x day in august, that's the least he could of done.

[Snap]

Thank you all for your responses! I talked to him this afternoon today and innocently brought up the topic. Basically one of his friends (someone that I don't know) was pushing him to buy tickets. He thought about buying tickets for myself and others that he knows but he wasn't sure if we would all go and he didn't want to be stuck with extra tickets. He said that I should buy a ticket and go if I want to.

I'm really glad I didn't overreact in his presence. Thanks for responding to my post because it really prevented me from acting on my impulses.