newbie with a newbie LDR- help?

[chi]

Hi there,

I've recently started a LDR as of this morning with my SO. He left for Japan to follow his life long dream and now there is more than 6500 miles & oceans between us.

I've recieved my first call of this journey as he landed in his first stop over and couldnt have been more excited! The thing is.. I keep thinking to myself and asking myself- how is this real?.. I must be in some terrible night mare. Not only is he gone for 1 full year but having spent 2 years together-all the time will be the biggest of pains. He is my rock. Up until the second he turned away to walk through those gates he had such a confident look & smile upon his face. I feel really lost without him... and its only been 15 hours! i know things will get better, as everyone in my life seems to be reminding me of but I just need that man to cuddle.. for him to tell me everything will be okay.

For the past month (before he left ofcourse) we had been planning for me to come down. Not just for a week or two, but for 2-3 or even more months. Honestly, knowing that this is exactly what we both want- not just because we will be together again- but to grow as individuals and enjoy the wonderful fruits of life - does make the situation alot better... but damn do my emotions fluctuate. going home to an empty apartment tonight will hurt even more.
And now for my questions- (knowing this must have been asked over 100 times) when does the pain go away? will this continue to linger till the day I finally get to rest my head on his shoulders again?... I have this lump in my throat- these tears in my eyes that never seem to disapear... I just want to be ok, and not revolve my free time with depression and sadness...


Thanks for reading

-chi

[nicole]

It does get better believe me, you'll always miss him for certain, but not to an extent where it is always there. The goodbye is always the hardest- allow yourself to be sad, and cry your heart out, then pick yourself up and get back on your feet. Keep yourself busy, always find things to do, hang out with friends or family. You said you've been planning a trip- do you have a definite date or an idea when you'll be going? Even if you don't yet, you've got the promise of that to look forward too. This will be hard, but the separation gives you time to be able to learn to depend on yourself and be stronger. but yes, keep your chin up, it does get better after the initial shock of the goodbye is gone. *hugs*

[Tabitha]

It will always be hard to be away from the person that you love. However, one thing that I learned in my LDR is that the distance only brings you closer. It requires you to have to really talk, get to know each other on another level. As long as you are both committed, it will only strengthen the relationship that you already have. Like nicole said, the goodbye is the worst part of it all. It will get easier. Stay strong.

[Rugger]

It will get better. You never stop wishing they were with you, but you learn not to notice it as much. Being apart gives to a chance to grow as a person. I know it has helped me be very independent in my relationship and has forced me to learn how to communicate without my body. I think my relationship is stronger for it.

My inbox is always open if you need to chat!

[bigmac62]

Trust me, there are days when it's so minute that it hardly interferes with you. However, there are those days where you don't want to even get out of bed, because it's in the back of your head all day.
For those days, it's certainly okay to cry. Just let it out; you may not feel entirely better, but it's healthy to just let it out. Otherwise, just keep doing things. Find books you haven't read, movies you haven't seen, music you haven't listened to in a while.
For severe down periods, use your imagination. Find something to hug and imagine it's him, be it a pillow, a stuffed animal, whatever. It may not be him, but it is a somewhat viable substitute until you are together again.
Above all else, good luck. We may not be able to permanently make ourselves feel better until we all close the distance for good, however, the people on here are a good support group to turn to when things get low.

[princessmeg1328]

I agree with bigmac. There are some days when being in an LDR with my SO seems like the best thing in the whole world, and I feel so lucky that I'm with them. Then there are other days when I just don't want to do anything except stay in bed, cry, and eat ice cream. I agree with the other girls that it's always hardest right after you've seen your SO. For me, being in an LDR is a day by day thing. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it sucks so much. Keep yourself busy and time will go by so fast. It's the days that I don't do anything that seem to take forever and are my worst days.