I guess I'm disappointed

[Kristin91]

Even though our 6 month anniversary was in April, we decided to wait until we saw each other in May to exchange gifts. I spent a lot of time and put a lot of thought into my gift for him (a WPI sweatshirt, a cute teddy bear from Build-A Bear, and a homemade CD of songs that make me think of him)... in return I got a homemade CD and a letter. Not that I'm complaining about the CD or the letter, both were wonderful... it just feels like he kind of threw them together without putting much thought into them. I feel sad and disappointed that he didn't put in more effort for our SIX MONTH anniversary...

Also, he said he wants me to go to a concert with him that's coming up, and I agreed after listening to some YouTube clips. Then he goes "oh the tickets are $20, btw"... Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of this, but when he asked me to go WITH him I assumed he would be paying for my ticket. And sure $20 isn't that bad, and yes I can pay for it, but... I don't know, I just feel... bad

[LadyMarchHare]

People express their affection in different ways. Gifts/tangible proof may not be your SO's forte. At the very least he tried and made it personal instead of just buying you a CD he thought you might like from the store. Time and effort went into the CD and the letter even if from your vantage point it doesn't really seem like it or that things are unbalanced because you got him more. As for the concert, with stuff like that you always ask about who is paying, you never assume. I went to two concerts with my best friend and both times I had to pay even though the concerts were her idea, but that was because she couldn't afford the $40 for us both. She did offer to buy me any merchandise I wanted after and the second one even offered to buy me a drink to make up for the fact I had paid our way in and was the transportation, though.

If you can pay for your own ticket and honestly want to go, there's no reason to feel bad but if you honestly don't want to fork over that amount, ask him if he could pay for your ticket and you would make it up to him.

[vpavelock]

Me and boyfriend rarely exchange gifts for anniversary's, actually I thin he got me flowers for out 1 month and that was it. Soo, while some people think it's a big deal, others really don't see it as a big deal. As for paying for you, chivalry is just about dead these days. My boyfriend does pay for our dates but when it's something expensives, (a day in NYC, he made me pay for one thing just because he didn't have THAT much cash and I told him I was fine with paying for whatever) I guess what I'm getting at is sometimes it's hard to be on the same page with that sort of thing.

[snow_girl]

My boyfriend and I split stuff like that all the time, he already pays for the majority of things so if I am able to chip in I do. I don't think its fair for him to always foot the bill. I think he probably did put lots of thought into your gift, after all he wanted to wait till you were together to exchange, he probably wanted to see how much you'd like it...Just cause its not something you thought of or would have done doesn't mean it isn't his idea of what you would like.

[NaNi]

If you're really bothered by this you should gently hint at it. Otherwise he might not get it and think that it's enough. He simply might not realize. About the concert tickets: It would have been romantic of him to pay for them, but I also wouldn't have assumed that. My SO once asked me if I had gone to see Brooke Fraser with her and when she said that I had thought about how I had paid for the ticket myself.

[LadyMarchHare]

Me and boyfriend rarely exchange gifts for anniversary's, actually I thin he got me flowers for out 1 month and that was it. Soo, while some people think it's a big deal, others really don't see it as a big deal. As for paying for you, chivalry is just about dead these days. My boyfriend does pay for our dates but when it's something expensives, (a day in NYC, he made me pay for one thing just because he didn't have THAT much cash and I told him I was fine with paying for whatever) I guess what I'm getting at is sometimes it's hard to be on the same page with that sort of thing.

Chivalry died when feminism killed it, and coming from a feminist that says something. There are women who like being pampered and there's nothing wrong with that, but there are also women who want to be able to pay for what they want or pay their half instead of feeling like they're going to owe the guy something because he came up with $50 flowers and a dinner to a restaurant that charges you for touching the silverware. You're right it is hard to be on the same page about the subject because chances are both parties will have a different opinion about who gets to pay for what, put effort into certain things, and why.

[Yei&Jon]

Well, for Jon and mine's 2-year anniversary I got him a nice watch and what I got in return was a chihuahua plushie. My hidden reaction was "..." but giving the proper thought to it, I remembered that the only way we've been able to see eachother twice was because they (his parents) paid my way both times. So, if we get technical, I owe him/them. He made up for it with my birthday gift which was the promise ring and for Valentine's I sent a big box with stuff for him and his mom. It's like exchanging gifts at different intervals.

Everyone has their own way of doing things. Maybe you can hint at him about it and come to a mutual agreement or maybe even put in a price range/limit for the next gifting occasion.

[Moon]

Some people don't put as much importance on those monthly anniversaries, not even six months, some don't care about them at all, and still others don't even have one. It's clear you put more importance on it than he did, which is a shame, but it opens up a good reason for a talk about how each of you feel about such things. The first year of a relationship is the most awkward as you're hitting every milestone for the first time, and you don't know how your SO treats or feels about them them until they happen. There are times when the two of you will be waaaaay off on how you view things like anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. and then you'll have to come to some sort of a compromise on how you deal with them as a couple. I know I've had some trouble with that in my international LDR, we just don't view these events in the same way, but we've both gotten used to it. It does take some time though.

About the concert though, if he asked you to go see a band he likes, I think he can pay for the ticket. He seems a bit cheap If you were asking him to see a band you like, same thing, you should pay for the tickets. IMO, whoever asks, pays. At least in most cases.

[Micah]

I agree^^

Honestly, I also don't really think some people think a 6 month anniversary as a gift giving event. My SO and I don't exchange gifts for monthly anniversaries. Maybe yours is the same way and isn't really into that. So, to him, a CD and a letter were a pretty good gift for that event. Plus, they came from the heart. I can see how you are disappointed, but I think that it was a nice gesture for him to put those things together for you regardless. They may have not been from a store, but obviously he put some effort into them, which can most of the time be more time consuming than buying something from a store.

As for the concert thing, I personally think the person that does the asking should pay. If I asked my boyfriend to go to a concert with me, I would be the one paying for it. So, I agree with you there. Everyone has differing opinions about that sort of thing and about who should pay. Your SO is obviously in the going dutch camp for certain things, and that's all well and good because at least he's being upfront about it.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

My SO and I didn't exchange gifts for our 6 months together. Our 6 months fell 3 days after Valentine's Day, and we got each other Valentine's Day gifts. I don't know if that counts. We never get anything for any of the monthiversaries, but we acknowledge them in texts or on MSN. Our 1 year, we will be close distance, so we'll spend it together and get each other gifts. I like the thought that he put into the gifts, I mean he made the CD for you and wrote you a letter. I think that's from the heart. I'd love more than anything to get a letter from my boyfriend. I am more of a giver, and I also think money can't buy my love or happiness, so I don't need expensive gifts for him to show he loves me.

[Dziubka]

As usually Moon put it very well. (Listen to her, she's a wise woman!)

We agreed in the very beginning that we don't 'count' and don't celebrate monthaversaries. My boyfriend gave me a cake and a ring for our 1st anniversary, but it was a total surprise as I didn't expect anything at all.
What everyone said about the presents is true. I personally believe that there are people who're just... not as good at giving presents. Either because they're not very creative when it comes to presents or because they don't really try because presents are not that important to them. Imho it's legitimate to talk about that. You could tell him that while you love the present you got, you had expected more. You know him better than any of us, so I'm sure you know how to word it without hurting him.

I agree with Moon about the concert, too. If it's a band he likes and you're just 'ok' with going, then he can pay for it.
I might be cheap, but I wouldn't pay $20 to go see band, I wasn't a fan of...

[Moon]

As usually Moon put it very well. (Listen to her, she's a wise woman!)

We agreed in the very beginning that we don't 'count' and don't celebrate monthaversaries. My boyfriend gave me a cake and a ring for our 1st anniversary, but it was a total surprise as I didn't expect anything at all.
What everyone said about the presents is true. I personally believe that there are people who're just... not as good at giving presents. Either because they're not very creative when it comes to presents or because they don't really try because presents are not that important to them. Imho it's legitimate to talk about that. You could tell him that while you love the present you got, you had expected more. You know him better than any of us, so I'm sure you know how to word it without hurting him.

I agree with Moon about the concert, too. If it's a band he likes and you're just 'ok' with going, then he can pay for it.
I might be cheap, but I wouldn't pay $20 to go see band, I wasn't a fan of...

Thanks, Dziubka I'm not wise though, just....OLD!

[screammaayday]

Personally, I'm in the male role in our relationship and I thoroughly enjoy paying for everything. She gets mad at sometimes, because frankly, I don't really have the money, but I've always made it work quite well. She's coming to stay with me this summer and I know I won't have a lot of money, whereas, she will because she has a job now. In my personal opinion, the male (or male role) should pay for dates and other things of that nature by default, unless the girl is offended or wants to chip in. I'm old fashioned, I like to pamper my SO.

I think his gift for you is, though it may not seem like it, a good sentiment of his feelings for you. Letters and a CD that are both personalized can be much, much more special than store bought merchandise in some cases, where he may or may not have had the money to buy you something. Six months is in some cases can be a monumental mark in a relationship, especially in an LDR, but some people just don't take much stock in month-verseries.

About the concert... if he invited you and it's not a band you're generally a big fan of, he should fork over the $20 for your ticket. Granted, $20 isn't a lot, but he invited you. Subtly hint this to him, unless he's not well with hints, then just flat out tell him how you feel. Honesty is the best policy!

[LostInLove]

My SO and I don't even acknowledge monthaversaries. I mentioned our 6 month one briefly because it meant this is my longest relationship ever, but we just had a quick conversation about it and that was that. As much as I like knowing how long we've been going out, I only see us making a deal out of the year anniversaries, and even then I don't really plan on exchanging gifts (which reminds me, I'd better check that with him...). So every couple is different. And every person is different. He did make you a CD and a letter, maybe to him celebrating a 6-month anniversary doesn't require mountains of gifts. And like other people have said, him only giving you those two things does not mean he didn't put a lot of thought into those two things.

With the concert...I was raised to always pay my own way. It's taken me a long time to be okay with my SO paying for meals and such, but it's what works because he's working full time and I'm a student. Before him though, I would force people to let me pay my own share. Things aren't as cut and dried as they used to be, so he may just have grown up in an environment where going dutch was the norm. If it really bothers you, maybe mention to him that you'd be happy to go, but you're not sure you want to pay $20 to see a band that you don't really follow. And like screammaayday said, if he doesn't take hints well try and just tell him how you feel.

[Mizpah]

Aaron and I never obsessed over the monthiversaries. We consider one, six, and twelve to be important milestones but we didn't do anything for our one month when we were dating, but he did come for his first visit the day after. We had been living together three months when our six month rolled around, and we had a romantic dinner at home for which he dressed up For our one month married, he did buy me a pretty silver cross necklace, and for our six month was a week before Valentine's Day. I made him a print that was kind of a modern take on a marriage certificate. I framed it, and made him his favorite dinner. We are both drawing a blank over what he did for me, lol. Our one year wedding anniversary is three months away, and we plan to spend a weekend away, but we may have to push it back a couple days and make it more a mini-trip than a weekend away since his friend is planning to get married the day before and has mentioned wanting him as a groomsman. We'll do gifts then, but really, monthiversaries aren't that important. The gifts don't make the relationship, or milestones, any more special.

As for when we were dating, Aaron paid for 99% of it. I treated us to dinner a few times, and now that we're married we have a "our money" mindset so I suppose you could say we pay for everything now. I am traditional, but not so much so that I would be bothered by paying for something. Actually, I offered to pay when dating, and usually the guy would pay for me. I did have a rule though, that if the date wasn't going that well, and the guy was paying for quite a bit I would start paying. I wouldn't feel right having a guy I didn't plan to see again put himself in a hole.