ok, so, this is hard for me to talk about openly! ive spoken to a couple close friends about my LDR but its so new and so unexpected... i havent been talking about it publicly, yet. im also new to this site... bear with me if i ramble!
i will fill everyone in on my history, quick, so you know where i am coming from...
i met my ex online, he was an LDR for a few months and moved 1000 miles to live with me. we were together 8 years and have a 3 year old together. but i was unhappy most of that relationship and after many years of humming and hawing and settling... my mother died and i fell in love at first sight with someone else and it woke me up and i left him. that was about a year ago... my 'love at first sight' is in turkey and does not feel the same (the story with him is a whole nother novel). but we have met and are good friends and ive been hopeful about finding someone perfect for me. but im not in a hurry. and i wont settle again. i am a snail! i will creep along till i find 'him'. and maybe some will find this silly, but i have put my thoguhts out to the universe to send me him. i have described him in my mind over and over. what kind of man i want....
... it seems like maybe i found him! but i am leery and afraid. in january of this year i randomly met a man from turkey on a penpal/language site (love snail mail and i am learning turkish so in searches i show up as speaking turkish and lots of turks talk to me, and i them) and right away he was nice and affectionate with me. i dismissed him. didnt return his affection in the least. im not naive and i am suspicious of anyone who is too 'lovey' right away. im not new to the internet and i know how flirty men can be (and down right pervy...><), so i didnt take him seriously. at all.
he and i talked now and then. i didnt put alot of thought in to it as i have alot of online friends. he was saying i love you and id say dont say i love you. were friends, thats all. and hed seem sad and say ok. he tried to explain that he fell in love with me right away and while i would love to believe that, its hard. even tho its happened to me twice (the first time i was with my first love for almost 6 years and the other i never dated, but i still love him a year later. neither were infatuation. i loved them both deeply and have married and been with them forever. but they just didnt feel the same!).
its been almost 4 months that we have been talking. and i am starting to believe him.
all the men i have dated in the past have been awful. its hard for me to trust. very very very hard. so when this lovely, beautiful, great guy comes along... the first thing i want to do is call him a liar and runaway. but ive been gradually opening up to him.
he does pretty much everything i want my guy to do...
he gives me his time...he spends every night after work on skype with me. sometimes 4-5 hours a day. we text when we have minutes and we email and leave offline messages. sometimes he even gets online with me before work. he is very eager to spend time with me. its not just when he is 'free'.
he is goofy and fun...he sings me songs (and has the worst voice ever... i love it!). he is silly and makes jokes and is really nice to be with. he lifts my spirits every time and its lovely.
he is supportive...i have alot of personal things going on and am weepy and needy like all the time. ive cried on webcam i dont know how many times and he takes all my crazy in stride. he seems to honestly care and want to be there for me. he says to tell him whats wrong and we talk about it (though i do not always say much. i am a private person and he is still new...). he has gotten emotional as well. but when i am sad, he is always, with out fail, supportive and positive and somehow brings me round again and makes me laugh and happy. doing this seems to lift him as well. this is something i need from my partner. someone who can take my crazy and love it and deal with it and come out happier at the end.
he is interested in my daughter... this is absolutely a bigbig need! he asks how she is, is genuinely pleased to see her on webcam (he waves and says hello and tries to talk to her but she is only interested in her own little face on the screen heehee). he loves kids...
i pay close attention to his words and his tone and his face. ive even had my best friend watch him to see what she thought. she said the same as me... if he is a liar, he is amazing! but part of me says that if something is too good to be true, it is. that if a man says all the right things, he is a liar. but another part says.. maybe he seems so good is because he is. and maybe he says all the right things because he is right for me...
i have been bringing up the 'big talk stuff' and so has he (i bring them up to learn about him and see his reactions, not because i am ready to jump in today). our views on marriage, kids, where to live, jobs, dreams. and the things we want in life mesh extremely well. he doesnt shy away from anything. he says he is ready for marriage, though it is still too soon for us. but that is what he wants with me. he is tired of dating, tired of being alone and wants a good woman to be a family with. forever. and this is how i feel, too. i was with someone bad for me for years (well, every man i have dated has been bad for me!), and ive been alone over a year and i feel i am ready to begin again.
he doesnt give me any red flags, except for being so eager. he doesnt ask for sex, he doesnt ask for sexual photos or anything (i cant even begin to count the guys online who have started out nice and cool.. only to move in to pervert territory soon after!). he hinted at it a couple times in the beginning, but i dont want that. i want to wait for marriage for that kind of thing. and he seemed very very pleased to hear it! he doesnt give me any reason to think he wants marriage just to live here. hes expressed his fear that we will marry and then he wont be able to move here. i cannot move there (though i would love to!!!) because my daughters father wont let me take her away. so our only option is to live here. he asked me to move there before he knew i couldnt. and we are frustrated that im unable to. we talked about how long it takes to get visas and to marry here. you dont just marry and become a citizen the next day! its alot of work and stress. he says hes worried about it, we arent rich people and flying back and forth alot is out of the question. but he wants to try and will wait as long as it takes.
a few days ago i received a short note (short because he barely speaks english. thank goodness for google!) that said how excited he was to be writing his first letter to me. that he loves me. and in it was a ring! i havent told him i got it yet. im a chicken u-know-what!
i am planning another trip to turkey. i have been planning it since i got on the plane to return home from there! i absolutely fell in love with turkey and want to go back. so we are going to meet then, too. i am afraid! if this is all real... how will i ever bear to come home with out him?
so i guess what i am asking all of you is... when do you stop wondering if someone is real and start trusting them? what does everyone think?
i will fill everyone in on my history, quick, so you know where i am coming from...
i met my ex online, he was an LDR for a few months and moved 1000 miles to live with me. we were together 8 years and have a 3 year old together. but i was unhappy most of that relationship and after many years of humming and hawing and settling... my mother died and i fell in love at first sight with someone else and it woke me up and i left him. that was about a year ago... my 'love at first sight' is in turkey and does not feel the same (the story with him is a whole nother novel). but we have met and are good friends and ive been hopeful about finding someone perfect for me. but im not in a hurry. and i wont settle again. i am a snail! i will creep along till i find 'him'. and maybe some will find this silly, but i have put my thoguhts out to the universe to send me him. i have described him in my mind over and over. what kind of man i want....
... it seems like maybe i found him! but i am leery and afraid. in january of this year i randomly met a man from turkey on a penpal/language site (love snail mail and i am learning turkish so in searches i show up as speaking turkish and lots of turks talk to me, and i them) and right away he was nice and affectionate with me. i dismissed him. didnt return his affection in the least. im not naive and i am suspicious of anyone who is too 'lovey' right away. im not new to the internet and i know how flirty men can be (and down right pervy...><), so i didnt take him seriously. at all.
he and i talked now and then. i didnt put alot of thought in to it as i have alot of online friends. he was saying i love you and id say dont say i love you. were friends, thats all. and hed seem sad and say ok. he tried to explain that he fell in love with me right away and while i would love to believe that, its hard. even tho its happened to me twice (the first time i was with my first love for almost 6 years and the other i never dated, but i still love him a year later. neither were infatuation. i loved them both deeply and have married and been with them forever. but they just didnt feel the same!).
its been almost 4 months that we have been talking. and i am starting to believe him.
all the men i have dated in the past have been awful. its hard for me to trust. very very very hard. so when this lovely, beautiful, great guy comes along... the first thing i want to do is call him a liar and runaway. but ive been gradually opening up to him.
he does pretty much everything i want my guy to do...
he gives me his time...he spends every night after work on skype with me. sometimes 4-5 hours a day. we text when we have minutes and we email and leave offline messages. sometimes he even gets online with me before work. he is very eager to spend time with me. its not just when he is 'free'.
he is goofy and fun...he sings me songs (and has the worst voice ever... i love it!). he is silly and makes jokes and is really nice to be with. he lifts my spirits every time and its lovely.
he is supportive...i have alot of personal things going on and am weepy and needy like all the time. ive cried on webcam i dont know how many times and he takes all my crazy in stride. he seems to honestly care and want to be there for me. he says to tell him whats wrong and we talk about it (though i do not always say much. i am a private person and he is still new...). he has gotten emotional as well. but when i am sad, he is always, with out fail, supportive and positive and somehow brings me round again and makes me laugh and happy. doing this seems to lift him as well. this is something i need from my partner. someone who can take my crazy and love it and deal with it and come out happier at the end.
he is interested in my daughter... this is absolutely a bigbig need! he asks how she is, is genuinely pleased to see her on webcam (he waves and says hello and tries to talk to her but she is only interested in her own little face on the screen heehee). he loves kids...
i pay close attention to his words and his tone and his face. ive even had my best friend watch him to see what she thought. she said the same as me... if he is a liar, he is amazing! but part of me says that if something is too good to be true, it is. that if a man says all the right things, he is a liar. but another part says.. maybe he seems so good is because he is. and maybe he says all the right things because he is right for me...
i have been bringing up the 'big talk stuff' and so has he (i bring them up to learn about him and see his reactions, not because i am ready to jump in today). our views on marriage, kids, where to live, jobs, dreams. and the things we want in life mesh extremely well. he doesnt shy away from anything. he says he is ready for marriage, though it is still too soon for us. but that is what he wants with me. he is tired of dating, tired of being alone and wants a good woman to be a family with. forever. and this is how i feel, too. i was with someone bad for me for years (well, every man i have dated has been bad for me!), and ive been alone over a year and i feel i am ready to begin again.
he doesnt give me any red flags, except for being so eager. he doesnt ask for sex, he doesnt ask for sexual photos or anything (i cant even begin to count the guys online who have started out nice and cool.. only to move in to pervert territory soon after!). he hinted at it a couple times in the beginning, but i dont want that. i want to wait for marriage for that kind of thing. and he seemed very very pleased to hear it! he doesnt give me any reason to think he wants marriage just to live here. hes expressed his fear that we will marry and then he wont be able to move here. i cannot move there (though i would love to!!!) because my daughters father wont let me take her away. so our only option is to live here. he asked me to move there before he knew i couldnt. and we are frustrated that im unable to. we talked about how long it takes to get visas and to marry here. you dont just marry and become a citizen the next day! its alot of work and stress. he says hes worried about it, we arent rich people and flying back and forth alot is out of the question. but he wants to try and will wait as long as it takes.
a few days ago i received a short note (short because he barely speaks english. thank goodness for google!) that said how excited he was to be writing his first letter to me. that he loves me. and in it was a ring! i havent told him i got it yet. im a chicken u-know-what!
i am planning another trip to turkey. i have been planning it since i got on the plane to return home from there! i absolutely fell in love with turkey and want to go back. so we are going to meet then, too. i am afraid! if this is all real... how will i ever bear to come home with out him?
so i guess what i am asking all of you is... when do you stop wondering if someone is real and start trusting them? what does everyone think?
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