How do I deal with missing him? D:

[vckd]

Hello everyone.

I am in Washington and my boyfriend is in New Jersey. Sometimes the time difference doesn't effect me (until nighttime) xP Then it starts getting difficult since I really really want to talk to him but he's just too tired. so he has to go to sleep. And I always make him feel bad when he accidentally falls asleep on me. D: This has been a cycle for a while. I'm way too attached to him I guess and it's killing both of us and our relationship. I know people have a much bigger time difference..but still. D: It's affecting our relationship heavily and we would REALLY appreciate some help.

Also how do you cope with not talking to them? My boyfriend is leaving and (probably) won't be able to talk to me for a few days. We always talk everyday and its just.. odd not talking them.

I feel really needy.. :/ but I really want help with this. Thank you. <3

[LadyMarchHare]

Your best bet is to keep busy. If you stay up later than he does and miss him, maybe use that time to read a book or listen to music or watch youtube videos until you are tired. If you have work to do, do it. As for not being able to talk with them, again keep busy. Plan time for yourself or with friends/family, go out and have fun, take up a hobby, or even sit down and write him letters that you can send later.

It's very easy to become dependent on your SO's presence and feel lost when it's suddenly not there, but remember you were able to have fun before they became a part of your life, you can still manage that while they're gone.

[jennyjellybeans]

I understand completely your situation! My SO is gone for 2 weeks on business. He tried contacting me last night but he got too tired and went to bed before I could reply. Anyway, I'm dealing with not talking to him for the first time since we met, its hard. But keeping busy DOES in fact help and even if its hard to, you need to try. LadyMarchHare is exactly right with all her suggestions and you should really try to go with those! As for the dealing with him being tired, I think you should really let him have his time to himself, no matter how difficult it is for you to part with him, if he's tired, he's tried and needs rest, and its considerate to put his feelings before your own. I suggest asking him to try and stay up moderately, don't push him to stay up or it may cause him to get upset. My SO is ALWAYS tired when we get the chance to talk, its actually become a fun thing to tease him about. :P sometimes i'll make him stick around for an hour longer than he said, but most of the time, i let him go to bed when he says he needs too.

And even if this will bring up thoughts about your SO, making things for him while he's gone can be both productive and show that you care about him and thought about him the entire time he was gone. Thats what I have been doing for mine, I still have another week and a few days to go before he comes back and I plan on finishing what I made for him before he does!

Just try out a few things to keep yourself busy, even hang out on the site. Reading some LDR stories can actually be pretty insightful. And when your thinking of your SO, just wish him all the happiness you can while he's gone and imagine that he's doing the same (because he most likely is). He wouldn't want you moping around would he? It's ok to miss of course, but remember, with patience, you'll eventually see/talk to each other again and when you do I'm sure it'll be one of the most exciting and best things for you.

[kteire]

I completely understand!! My boyfriend and I have a 5 hour time difference, so if I'm stuck working late, or have anything to do directly after work, I can miss him entirely. And even on days that I get to talk to him, he usually goes to bed at 7-8pm my time. It's depressing. He's stayed up until the time I go to bed a few times to keep talking to me, but I wish I could regularly talk to him after a frustrating day at work, or when I'm ready to go to bed.

I was recently driving down to Nova Scotia with my family, and didn't have very much internet access, so we were reduced to emails or facebook messages. I can text him, but for some reason neither of our phone companies can figure out, I can't receive texts from him, so that was out haha. So for almost a solid week, I didn't get to talk to him live, and it was hard. But the two of you can keep close by sending emails, and in the mean time, try to find other ways to occupy the time you usually spend talking to him! Like start reading a new book, play a new game (says the nerd in me!), go get a mani-pedi... whatever suits you!

[kteire]

I completely understand!! My boyfriend and I have a 5 hour time difference, so if I'm stuck working late, or have anything to do directly after work, I can miss him entirely. And even on days that I get to talk to him, he usually goes to bed at 7-8pm my time. It's depressing. He's stayed up until the time I go to bed a few times to keep talking to me, but I wish I could regularly talk to him after a frustrating day at work, or when I'm ready to go to bed.

I was recently driving down to Nova Scotia with my family, and didn't have very much internet access, so we were reduced to emails or facebook messages. I can text him, but for some reason neither of our phone companies can figure out, I can't receive texts from him, so that was out haha. So for almost a solid week, I didn't get to talk to him live, and it was hard. But the two of you can keep close by sending emails, and in the mean time, try to find other ways to occupy the time you usually spend talking to him! Like start reading a new book, play a new game (says the nerd in me!), go get a mani-pedi... whatever suits you!

[princessmeg1328]

I undertand the time difference thing. My SO and I have a 6 hour time difference. Like everyone else has said, staying busy is the best way to keep yourself going. Some of the things I did before my student teaching (because that kept me incredibly busy all by itself) were listening to music, reading, watching tv, being on this forum, facebook, and so many other things. Take up a hobby. Take some classes. There are so many different ways to keep yourself busy. Of course, it's ok to be sad sometimes and to really miss your SO. Eat some ice cream and cry during those times, but try not to wallow in it. Get back into your normal routine as soon as possible. There are a lot of really good suggestions throughout the whole forum.

[NaNi]

My SO and I have a 10 hour time difference at the moment (it's usually 12 hours). It's really hard finding time to talk because when she's going to bed I'm coming home from school and when I'm going to bed she's getting ready to go to uni. That's why we're only able to talk once a week. My saturday night/her sunday morning. It's not much at all, but our lives keep us busy. Which is a good thing. We do send emails every day though - whenever we find the time. You might not like the idea of reducing talking time, but you'll get used to it eventually.

[prinzeza87]

ugh! girl we all understand how u feel , i get that feelng all the time, specially because he's literally always gone because of his job in the military world n plus we r 9 hours diferecte... i was so used to talk to him all the time every day, i got so attached to that too, now im slowly getting used not to expect calls or txt. i just tell to myself, we will talk when we need to talk... all we can do is cope with the situation with the best actitude we can wether we like it or not. keep ur self busy

[paulawriteslove]

Time difference can definitely suck. Sometimes when I really want to talk to my SO he can be super tired. Whenever that happens we usually try to plan an 'us' day for tomorrow. So then we'll have time to talk while we're awake

[Alexandria Lora]

The moments away from an SO...UGHHHHHH! So know what you mean!

It is hard to deal with missing our SO's, but first things first, letting the missing start. I found that when I tried to deal with missing him (for me, that meant trying to FORGET I missed him), it was hard. When I surrendered to it, it became easier and then I was able to learn what I could grasp onto to help me stay strong. For me, staying busy was the best..from running, doing researching, reading new books..omg, I did almost anything! But what really helped me deal with it was lurking here and talking to people and learning that you CAN survive. You can get through the tough times. There are some many out there including here on LFAD that keep moving forward ever day. So I guess for me, it was surrounding myself with those who understood what it felt like to be in an LDR and to be missing ones' SO.

You'll be fine.. hang in there

[beaton]

It sucks, I know, but it'll be ok. I posted something similar not too long ago with a similar issue.

I'm pretty needy while he doesn't really need to talk as often so I end up with the choice of either going crazy, or finding something else to think about. plus, his work is picking up, and he's often too busy/tired at the end of it to talk.

What really helps me (and could help you) is making the mental decision to call/email him at a certain time in a day or two. That reassures me. I think "Ok, I'll focus on everything I have to do for the next 2 days, and then I'll call him at 9 on friday" then if he calls in between, it's a nice surprise instead of a trial.

[angel85]

Me and my so are together for one year and two months . I was in argentina with him for 4 months because things happened i had to come back to canada and here iam missing my so like crazy . Some days are better than others . I just wish to go back soon and make my life there with my love . I say keeping busy is great . Even though sometimes it doesn't work for me . I still keep faith somehow . What does everyone else do to keep strong ?