a very long, sad, and rumbling letter that I will NOT send to him :'(

[Rach321]

This is such a sad letter and I'm really sorry for all you're going through

Allow me to offer a different perspective. If you're willing to continue and improve this relationship, don't send this letter. It's heartbreaking and he will probably feel very guilty after reading it. But making him feel guilty might not work out the way you expect it to. IMO people don't handle guilt very well, they often get defensive or simply decide they disappointed you beyond repair and shut down. And in my experience, this applies to men in particular.

Do by all means address these points with him, it's necessary if you want to expel frustration and improve the relationship. But try to do it in a less emotional way. I also agree with what Moon said, and I think it'd be very helpful if you could think go through all this with a cool head and see which of these expectations are realistic, and then stick by them. The calmer you are, the more he'll take you seriously.

I wish you all the luck in the world x

This is my advice as well. Best wishes!

[8000miles]

It's heartbreaking and he will probably feel very guilty after reading it. But making him feel guilty might not work out the way you expect it to. IMO people don't handle guilt very well, they often get defensive or simply decide they disappointed you beyond repair and shut down.

I agree with you that guilt makes it difficult for people to deal with, but I'm not sure this letter would do that. This letter felt like she was speaking it. To me it's not overly harsh or really anger filled or even that she's playing a real victim. It just sounds like a desperate cry for help. I think you should either send this letter or speak to him about it, but if you do in person, then make notes or a list of things so you don't leave anything out. Speaking in person can be wonderful and I think generally is the way to go, but in this case a letter might actually be better. It can give him time to take it in and think about it.

But whatever you choose, you HAVE to tell him ALL of it. You're afraid it'll end, but it's better that way. I hope it doesn't, but if he doesn't change, then it will end and you can move on. If you don't send the letter, then he won't change and you'll be miserable. At least with the letter there's a CHANCE.

And I know moving on isn't a pleasant thing to think about, but think of anyone you've gotten over. No matter how much you liked them, at the time you only wanted to like them. If your future self came and told you to dump that person because there is someone else better that you'll fall in love with.. you'd probably say no! because you don't want to love that other person, you want to love this current one! As hard and scary as it is, once you move on, you'll feel much much better, and you'll thank yourself afterward.

Good luck!

[what2do]

i love this letter. i couldve written it a year ago.